I get it. You’re torn.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, or should I say, stuck between staying for the kids or leaving for your own happiness?

It’s a crossroads many of us have faced and it’s far from easy.

If you’re reading this, I guess you’re questioning whether it’s possible to find a balance.

Maybe you’ve been told to just stick it out for the kids. Maybe you’ve been told to chase your own happiness.

I’m not here to tell you what to do. This is a deeply personal decision and one only you can make. But what I can offer is some perspective.

Let’s dive in and explore this tricky terrain together.

When your happiness takes a backseat

I remember when it began, the self-doubt, the sinking feeling of despair.

For me, it started subtly. A missed movie night here, a skipped dinner with friends there. What was once a life filled with joy and laughter had turned into a cycle of school runs and parent-teacher meetings.

My individuality? Lost in piles of laundry and unending to-do lists.

My happiness? Well, it took a backseat.

Does this sound familiar? If yes, you’re not alone.

Our personal happiness often takes a backseat when we’re focused on our children. But remember that your happiness matters too.

After all, how can you pour from an empty cup?

The guilt of wanting more

Oh, the guilt! I can’t count the number of times I’ve felt guilty for wanting more.

“Am I selfish for wanting time to myself?”

“Is it wrong to miss my old life?”

The answer is no. It’s normal to want more from life.

When I first realized this, it was a breakthrough. The guilt didn’t vanish overnight, but understanding that my feelings were valid was empowering.

That’s the first step – acknowledging that you deserve happiness too. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. On the contrary, a happy parent is a better parent.

So, let’s stop with the guilt trip and start taking our feelings seriously.

The impact on kids

Often, we think we’re doing our kids a favor by sticking around, even when we’re unhappy.

But did you know that children are incredibly perceptive and can pick up on our emotions?

Research indicates that children, even as young as six months old, can sense when their parents are unhappy. This can impact their emotional development and behavior.

It’s a sobering thought, but one that underscores the importance of ensuring our happiness for the sake of our kids.

Seeking happiness doesn’t mean abandoning responsibility

I want to reassure you – happiness doesn’t always have to be collective.

Seeking happiness doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your responsibilities as a parent or that you love your children any less.

Your quest for individual happiness is a reminder that you’re human, with your own whirlwind of emotions, cravings, and necessities. It’s about walking the tightrope between tending to your children and tending to your own soul

A journey filled with obstacles, yes, but one that’s absolutely worth the trek—for your sanity and, crucially, for your kids’ too.

Confronting fear and uncertainty

Fear is a natural response to change. It’s unsettling, isn’t it?

I vividly remember the trepidation that flooded my mind when I toyed with the idea of prioritizing my own happiness over my children’s needs.

Doubts swirled like a storm:

“What if it all goes haywire?”

“What if this decision is a colossal blunder?”

But here’s the kicker—I realized it’s better to dive in and stumble than to be haunted by the “what ifs” of inaction.

Sure, change is like stepping into the unknown, but it’s also a catalyst for growth and fresh opportunities.

So, if you’re shaking in your boots, own that fear. Just don’t let it hold you back from seizing the happiness that’s rightfully yours.

Communication is key

One of the most important steps in this process is communication. It was only when I communicated my feelings and fears that I felt heard and understood.

Start by having candid conversations with your children, tailored to their understanding.

Be upfront about the status of your marriage and your own emotional landscape.  Assure them, unequivocally, that your love for them remains steadfast, regardless of the circumstances.

And if you have a partner in the picture, it’s crucial to extend the dialogue to them as well. It won’t be easy—far from it—but it’s an indispensable step on this journey of self-discovery and transformation.

Seeking professional help

It was a game-changer for me when I decided to seek professional help.

A counselor or therapist can provide helpful tools and strategies to navigate this difficult path.

They can also provide an objective perspective, which can be very helpful in such emotionally charged situations.

Remember, there is no ‘right’ choice

At the end of the day, there’s no playbook for this—just what feels right in your gut for you and your tribe. It took me ages to grasp that.

But remember, your happiness matters and it’s okay to prioritize it.

Your journey towards happiness might be different from mine, but that’s okay. Each journey is unique, filled with its own challenges and rewards.

In my experience, prioritizing my own happiness didn’t mean compromising on my children’s well-being.

On the contrary, it made me a happier, better parent.

This ride’s personal, but hey, you’re not solo. Reach out, lean on your squad, and trust that you’ve got the moxie to own this ride.

Your joy? It’s not just for you—it’s the ultimate gift for your children too.