As far as we know, you only get one life. Therefore, that life should be as joyful as we can possibly make it.

We all know that isn’t the case. For most of us, most of our days are boring at best, and outright painful at worst.

But often, the biggest thing you can do to make your life happier is to change your mindset.

And sometimes, the key to doing that is changing the way you live day-to-day.

You see, it’s your habits that determine the kind of person you are. And over time, habits determine the kind of life you will live.

Some habits create joy. And some squash it.

If you’re struggling to find your mojo, take a close look at your habits and ask yourself if they are holding you back.

Especially watch out for the habits in this list, as they are some of the worst culprits for getting between you and joy.

1) Trying to control everything

One of the quickest ways to drive yourself crazy is to try and control everything in your life.

Look, it’s important to plan for the future. It’s important to try and be productive and go after your goals and dreams.

But at the same time, you can’t control everything. In trying to control the world around us, we often set ourselves up for unhappiness.

“A deep-seated need for control generally stems from a place of deep inner fear of the unknown,” writes psychologist and author of Joy From Fear Carla Marie Manly. “We are powerless over everything except our own feelings, thoughts, and actions,” she goes on to say.

You can plan to take a trip, but you can’t control the weather when you get there. You can scrimp and save for your retirement, but you could get hit by a train before you ever get there.

I’m not arguing that you shouldn’t plan for the future. You definitely should.

But you can also build mental resilience by understanding that much of what happens to you in life is completely out of your control. As Manly writes, the only thing you can control is how you react to the circumstances of life.

2) Worrying about things you can’t control

The second part of the equation lies in controlling your thoughts about the things you can’t control.

Abandoning your attempts to control the uncontrollable may bring you some peace and will at least ensure you don’t waste energy attempting the impossible. But that doesn’t mean you won’t worry about them.

However, this kind of worry can be harmful.

Dwelling on negative thoughts is called rumination, and it can give you a view of the future that is much darker than the reality.

A few ways to prevent rumination include:

• Distracting yourself with activities to prevent the cycle of dark thoughts
• Reminding yourself of times when challenging events worked out for the best
• Physical exercise
• Breaking your problems down into smaller issues to make them more manageable

3) Worrying about what you ‘should’ be doing

Society wants us all to fit into neat little boxes. After all, that makes it easier to sell us things.

But we are all unique individuals with hopes and dreams of our own.

That’s why you should never worry about what you think you ‘should’ be doing.

You see, we are often sold a picture of the ideal life. The fact the ideal life varies from one culture to another and one period of time to another is proof that there’s nothing real about it.

Whether it’s the three kids and white picket fence people were supposed to want in 1950s America or the glorious death in battle sought by the Vikings, the societal ideas of what is desirable can cause enormous harm.

There is no ‘should’. This is your life, not anybody else’s. So live it in a way that pleases you.

People will tell you that you should have achieved a certain level of education or that you should be in a certain type of relationship by a given period in your life. But don’t believe them.

Life is not a videogame where you are supposed to unlock one achievement after another. It is an experience that you should take joy in.

4) Holding onto the past

Rumination doesn’t only mean worrying about the future. It can also mean dwelling on the past.

And dwelling on the past can be just as harmful as worrying about the future you can’t control.

We all come from different places and carry different baggage with us. Some people have suffered severe trauma in their lives, and it can have a destabilizing effect on their entire personality.

But if you want to find joy in life, sooner or later, you need to let the past go.

That doesn’t mean that you forget where you came from or what has happened to you. But it does mean you stop allowing it to dictate your actions and feelings in the present.

5) Being afraid of change

People can talk all they want about death and taxes, but the real unavoidable law of the universe is that everything changes.

You are not the person you were yesterday, and you will not be the person you are now tomorrow. You are changing along with everything else in the universe, the cells of your body rearranging themselves, taking in parts of your environment and shedding others.

You, like everyone else, are a moving target.

It’s natural to be afraid of change. Especially when we like what we have.

But the harsh truth is, no matter how much you try to avoid change, you can’t. It’s going to happen anyway.

Being afraid of change means being afraid of life. And there’s no way you’ll find joy if you are scared to live.

6) Blaming others

Blaming other people for what goes wrong in your life is a guaranteed way to make sure you never learn a thing.

These days, it seems like everyone wants to be a victim. But when you allow yourself to blame others for your problems, you fall prey to what is known as the external locus of control.

Developed back in 1966 by psychologist Julian Rotter, this theory states that what people believe about who controls their actions can have a huge effect on their behavior.

In other words, while some people see themselves as being in the driver’s seat of their life and their behaviors, others shift that responsibility onto everyone else.

What does that mean? Well, when you blame others for your behavior, you deny yourself the ability to change anything. You ensure that you will never learn from your mistakes and never get past your current limitations.

So blaming others isn’t a bad thing to do to them as much as it is a bad thing to do to yourself.

7) Blaming yourself

It’s important to accept responsibility for what happens to you in life.

At the same time, it does no good to be to hard on yourself.

Counselor and life coach Michael J Formica calls self-blame “one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse.”

Ultimately, none of us are perfect. Blaming yourself when things go wrong only creates a vicious circle of low self-esteem and self-hatred.

Accept responsibility for your part in the things that happened to you, and then move on. That’s one of the ways you find joy in life.

8) Chasing material wealth

We live in a culture that celebrates wealth and possessions over almost everything else.

But the truth, as teachers and philosophers have been preaching for thousands of years, is that wealth will never make you happy.

It’s nice to have nice things. And certainly, being wealthy enough to avoid some of the problems that come with being poor can improve your quality of life.

But when you get too focused on accumulating more wealth, you lose sight of the real value of life.

9) Chasing perfection

We live in an imperfect world, and we are imperfect people. So why would we ever expect anything else to be perfect?

If you have a dream, don’t wait for the perfect time to pursue it. If you want a meaningful and fulfilling relationship, don’t wait for a perfect person to come along and give it to you.

Life is work. And often, it’s the imperfections and things that give them their true beauty and meaning.

Finding joy

It’s easy to get distracted from what we really want in life. We might think we want more money, more success, or better relationships. What we really want is joy.

And yet it’s often our own habits that stand in the way.

Ditch these unproductive habits, and you’ll find yourself living a much more joyful life.