There’s a fine line between helping others and actually hindering them.

The way we go about trying to uplift others can sometimes have the opposite effect. You might think you’re doing good, but are you really?

Supporting others is not about dictating their lives or making choices for them, it’s about inspiring them and empowering them to make their own decisions.

But it’s easy to fall into certain traps that unintentionally bring people down instead of lifting them up.

In this article, we’ll talk about 10 common mistakes that people often make when they want to uplift others. I’ll share with you the things you should avoid doing if your goal is to genuinely help and inspire.

1) Taking over

It’s a common misconception that to uplift someone, we need to solve their problems for them.

But here’s the thing – people aren’t looking for a hero to swoop in and save the day. Instead, they’re looking for someone to stand beside them, offer support, and help them find their own solutions.

When we take over and start calling the shots, we inadvertently disempower them. We rob them of the opportunity to learn, grow, and build their self-confidence.

It’s not about making decisions for others but helping them make decisions for themselves.

So, if you’re looking to uplift others, remember – it’s not about taking control. It’s about empowering others to take control of their own lives. And that requires patience, understanding, and respect for their autonomy.

Avoid this common mistake to ensure you’re genuinely uplifting others, not just taking over their lives.

2) Offering solutions without being asked

One mistake I know I’ve made in the past is jumping straight to solution mode.

I remember a time when a close friend of mine was going through a tough break-up. She shared her feelings and emotions, and I immediately started suggesting ways she could move on, find happiness again, or even meet someone new.

But looking back, I realize that wasn’t what she needed at that moment. She wasn’t asking for solutions. She was asking for a listening ear, for empathy, for validation of her feelings.

In my eagerness to uplift her, I missed the mark. It took some time, but I understood that sometimes, people don’t want advice. They just want to be heard.

So now, before I offer any advice or solutions, I make sure to ask: “Do you want me to just listen, or are you looking for advice?”

And you’d be surprised how often people just want someone to listen.

3) Over-emphasizing positivity

While it’s true that maintaining a positive outlook is crucial for personal well-being, insisting on positivity in every situation can actually have a detrimental effect.

This phenomenon is known as “toxic positivity”. It’s the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.

But life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. People experience a wide range of emotions – and that’s perfectly normal. It’s important to acknowledge and validate these feelings, not just brush them under the carpet with a smile.

Trying to force positivity can make people feel invalidated and misunderstood. It denies them the space to express their true feelings and work through their emotions.

So, when trying to uplift others, remember to acknowledge their feelings – both positive and negative – and offer support without imposing a ‘be positive’ mantra on them.

4) Neglecting self-care

In our quest to uplift others, we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves.

It’s like being on an airplane when the oxygen masks drop; you’re advised to secure your own mask before helping others. The same principle applies in life.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or burnt out, it becomes hard to genuinely uplift others.

Therefore, taking care of your own physical, mental, and emotional health isn’t just necessary for you, it’s essential for those you intend to uplift.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s the foundation that allows us to support others effectively and sustainably.

5) Giving unsolicited advice

We’ve all been there. We see someone struggling, and our first instinct is to jump in with advice on how to fix the situation.

However, unsolicited advice can often come off as judgemental or overbearing, even when it’s well-intentioned. It can make the person feel like they’re incapable of handling their own problems.

What people often need is not a list of solutions, but empathy, understanding, and reassurance. They need to know they’re not alone in their struggle, and that it’s okay to ask for help when they’re ready.

So next time you’re eager to offer advice, pause and ask yourself: “Did they ask for my advice?”. If not, maybe what they really need is a listening ear and a supportive friend.

6) Ignoring their feelings

Supporting someone isn’t about minimizing their pain or dismissing their feelings. It’s about acknowledging their emotions and letting them know it’s okay to feel the way they do.

We all experience moments of sadness, anger, confusion, and despair. These emotions, although uncomfortable, are a normal part of life. Dismissing them or pretending they don’t exist can make the person feel invisible or unheard.

When we try to uplift others, it’s crucial that we validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to not be okay. Give them the space to express their emotions without judgment.

Remember, empathy is about understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It’s about opening your heart and saying, “I see you, I hear you, and I’m here for you.”

7) Misunderstanding empathy

Once, I thought empathy was about feeling sorry for others or sharing their pain to the point where it becomes my own. I soon realized this wasn’t healthy or helpful.

Empathy isn’t about sinking into someone else’s sorrow. It’s about understanding their feelings without losing yourself in the process. It’s about acknowledging their pain, but also maintaining the emotional boundary that keeps you from being overwhelmed.

When we lose ourselves in someone else’s pain, we risk getting emotionally drained, which can prevent us from effectively uplifting them.

So remember, true empathy is about balance – understanding and acknowledging their feelings while also taking care of your own emotional well-being.

8) Failing to set boundaries

No matter how much we want to uplift others, it’s important to set healthy boundaries.

Boundaries are not a sign of indifference, but of self-respect and self-awareness. They ensure that we don’t overextend ourselves or compromise our own well-being and happiness in the process of helping others.

You cannot be available 24/7, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to communicate your limits clearly and respectfully. It’s not just about saying ‘no’, but about knowing when to say ‘yes’.

Remember, setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and with those you are trying to uplift.

10) Forgetting that everyone is unique

The most important thing to remember when trying to uplift others is that everyone is unique.

What works for one person may not work for another. Everyone has their own journey, their own struggles, and their own ways of dealing with challenges.

Never assume you know what someone else is going through or what they need. It’s vital to listen, understand, and respect their individual experiences and perspectives.

Always approach others with an open mind and heart, ready to learn from them as much as you’re there to support them. Because at the end of the day, uplifting others is about respect, understanding, and genuine connection.

Final thoughts: A journey of empathy

Uplifting others is a profound journey of empathy, understanding, and mutual respect.

It’s about recognizing the innate human dignity in each individual and meeting them where they are. It’s about listening to their stories, validating their emotions, and offering support without judgment or assumptions.

A quote by writer and civil rights activist Maya Angelou encapsulates this beautifully. She said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

In our endeavor to uplift others, let’s strive to make them feel seen, heard, and valued. Because in the end, that’s what truly matters.

Remember, uplifting others doesn’t mean pulling them up to where you are; it means empowering them to rise to where they aspire to be. So as we navigate this journey of uplifting others, let’s always lead with empathy, respect, and genuine compassion.