The recipe for relationship compatibility is as complex as the individuals involved. What works for one couple might not work for another. But after years of counseling couples and observing my own relationships, I’ve realized there are certain traits that hint at long-lasting compatibility.

Defining these traits isn’t about creating a checklist for the perfect partner, but rather, it’s about understanding the dynamics that contribute to a healthy and happy relationship.

Let’s get started. 

1) Mutual respect

A strong foundation for any relationship is mutual respect.

In my years of experience, I’ve learned that respect isn’t just about holding the door open or saying “please” and “thank you.” It goes much deeper than that.

Mutual respect in a relationship means valuing each other’s opinions, time, and emotional needs. It means listening without interrupting, understanding without judging, and accepting without trying to change the other person.

Take a moment to reflect on your relationship. Do you feel heard and valued? Does your partner respect your boundaries and acknowledge your feelings? If yes, you’re on the right track.

2) Open communication

Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.

I once had a mentor who told me, “Tina, the biggest problem in any relationship is unsaid expectations.” That piece of advice stuck with me and it’s something I share with couples in my counseling sessions.

Being open about your feelings, expectations, and concerns with your partner not only helps avoid misunderstandings but also fosters trust. It’s about being able to say, “This is how I feel,” without fear of judgment or reprisal.

As George Bernard Shaw wisely said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” So make sure you’re truly communicating.

It’s not just about talking, but also about listening and understanding. If you and your partner can do this, you’ve got one of the key traits of a compatible relationship.

3) Independence

Now, this may seem counterintuitive but hear me out.

In a relationship, it’s important to love and depend on each other, but it’s equally important to maintain your individuality.

You see, in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk extensively about the importance of maintaining a sense of self in a relationship.

Often, people get so caught up in the ‘we’ that they lose sight of the ‘me’. But a healthy relationship is one where two independent individuals choose to be together, not two halves trying to make a whole.

You should be able to pursue your passions, spend time with your friends, and have your own space without feeling guilty or causing resentment.

If you and your partner can balance ‘us’ time with ‘me’ time, then congratulations! You have another significant trait of a compatible relationship.

4) Healthy arguments

Yes, you read that right. Arguments.

I know what you’re thinking, “Tina, how can arguing be a sign of compatibility?” Well, let me explain.

Arguments, when handled correctly, are not just normal but healthy for a relationship. They are part of navigating the multi-layered complexities of two people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding a middle ground. A compatible couple knows how to disagree without disrespecting, argue without attacking, and most importantly, resolve conflicts without holding grudges.

Keep in mind though, it’s not about avoiding arguments but about arguing in a way that strengthens your bond rather than breaking it down.

5) Shared values

This one is close to my heart.

You see, when I met my husband, we were as different as chalk and cheese. He’s an introvert, I’m an extrovert. He loves the countryside, I’m a city girl. But despite all our differences, one thing that bound us was our shared values.

Our beliefs about what’s important in life, our moral compass, our views on fundamental issues like honesty, loyalty, and commitment were strikingly similar. And that, my friends, is a cornerstone of compatibility.

You and your partner can be as different as night and day, but if you share the same core values, you’re more likely to navigate through life’s ups and downs together.

6) Acceptance of flaws

Let me be brutally honest here.

There’s no such thing as a perfect partner. We all have flaws, quirks, and traits that can drive our partners up the wall.

But here’s the thing about compatibility – it’s not about finding someone who checks all your boxes. It’s about finding someone whose flaws you can live with. It’s about seeing the imperfections and choosing to love the person anyway.

In my relationship, there are times when my husband’s introverted nature drives me nuts. But I’ve learned to accept it as a part of who he is. And he has learned to accept my, let’s say, “enthusiastic” nature.

7) Laughter

As someone who’s spent a good part of her life making people laugh, I can’t stress this enough – laughter is vital in a relationship.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Well, I believe a relationship without laughter is a relationship wasted.

Laughter lightens the mood, eases tension, and strengthens the bond between partners. It’s like a secret language that only the two of you understand.

In my relationship, my husband and I often find ourselves laughing at the silliest things – inside jokes, mishaps in the kitchen, even our own arguments sometimes! And trust me, it’s these moments of shared laughter that have seen us through some of our toughest times.

8) Willingness to put in the work

This is the unvarnished truth – maintaining a relationship is hard work.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, as they make it seem in the movies. It involves compromise, sacrifice, and a whole lot of patience.

Compatibility doesn’t mean that everything will be smooth sailing. It means that when the storms hit, both of you are willing to grab an oar and row together.

In my own relationship, there have been times when things got tough. Really tough. But what saw us through was our commitment to each other and our willingness to put in the work required to resolve our issues and grow as a couple.

Conclusion

Compatibility isn’t about being exactly the same or having a smooth, argument-free relationship. It’s about mutual respect, open communication, maintaining your individuality, having healthy arguments, sharing core values, accepting each other’s flaws, laughing together and being willing to put in the work.

These traits are not a strict formula but pointers to guide you. Every relationship is unique and what works for one might not work for another. But if you see these traits in your relationship, you’re definitely on the right track!

If you want to dive deeper into maintaining a healthy sense of self in a relationship and overcoming codependency, I encourage you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.