If your partner does these 8 things, they’re secretly manipulating you
There’s a fine line between influencing and manipulating, especially when it comes to relationships.
Manipulation, in essence, is stealthily controlling someone’s actions while concealing your true intentions. It can be hard to spot, especially when love is involved.
On the flip side, influence in a relationship is about guiding each other towards better decisions, without any hidden agendas.
Just as there are subtle signs that differentiate influence from manipulation, there are telltale signs your partner might be secretly manipulating you.
In this article, we’ll reveal the eight things your partner might do if they’re covertly trying to control you. So buckle up, because things are about to get real.
1) They often play the victim
Manipulation isn’t always about being overtly controlling. Sometimes, it’s far more subtle.
Have you ever noticed your partner playing the victim card more often than seems normal? This could be a sign of manipulation.
Manipulators are experts at shifting blame and avoiding responsibility. They position themselves as the victim, making you feel guilty and prompting you to go out of your way to make things right.
It’s a classic move. By making you feel like you’re always in the wrong, they gain power over your actions and decisions.
While it’s important to be supportive in a relationship, be aware if your partner is constantly painting themselves as the victim. It could be a sign that they’re secretly manipulating you.
Remember, a relationship is about balance, not constant self-sacrifice. Don’t let guilt or pity dictate your actions.
2) They frequently give you the silent treatment
In my own experience, I’ve learned that silence can be deafening.
I once had a partner who would suddenly stop talking to me whenever we had disagreements. At first, I thought they just needed space to cool off. But it became a pattern. They wouldn’t communicate until I apologized, regardless of who was at fault.
This silent treatment was their way of manipulating me. It was a tool to make me feel guilty and to force me to take responsibility for all our arguments.
I realized that instead of resolving conflicts in a mature manner, they were using silence as a weapon to control the narrative and the relationship.
So, if your partner often gives you the silent treatment until you concede, it’s a sign of manipulation. In a healthy relationship, communication should always be open and respectful, even when things get tough.
3) They use gaslighting as a tactic
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes a person to question their own sanity or perception. It’s a term that originates from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind.
In relationships, gaslighting can be as subtle as your partner denying they said something when you clearly remember them saying it, or as serious as them twisting facts and events to make you doubt your memory.
This tactic can be incredibly damaging, causing you to question your judgment and even your sanity. If you constantly find yourself second-guessing because of things your partner has said or done, it could be a sign of gaslighting and, therefore, manipulation.
Remember, trust in your own perception is crucial. Don’t let anyone shake that.
4) They constantly belittle your achievements
In a healthy relationship, your partner should be your biggest cheerleader. They should celebrate your achievements, however big or small, because they genuinely want you to succeed.
But if you find that your partner constantly belittles your accomplishments, using their words to minimize your success, this could be a sign of manipulation.
It might not always be overt. It could be as subtle as a sarcastic comment or a seemingly harmless joke at your expense. But the underlying message is clear: they’re trying to undermine your confidence and self-esteem.
This tactic is often used by manipulators to keep you feeling insecure and reliant on their validation. If you notice this pattern in your partner’s behavior, it’s important to address the issue promptly. Remember, you deserve recognition and respect for your accomplishments.
5) They isolate you from friends and family
One of the most heartbreaking signs of manipulation is when your partner attempts to isolate you from the people who care about you the most.
Gradually, they might discourage you from spending time with your friends or family. They may even make you feel guilty for wanting to see them, insisting that you should prioritize your time with them instead.
This is a manipulative tactic designed to make you more dependent on them, and less able to lean on others for support. It’s a way of controlling your environment and, by extension, controlling you.
It’s important to remember that anyone who truly loves you will want you to maintain healthy relationships with others. They won’t limit your world to just them. If your partner is trying to cut you off from your loved ones, it’s a clear sign of manipulation. You deserve a love that broadens your world, not one that restricts it.
6) They always make you feel guilty
I still remember the time I wanted to pursue a job opportunity that would require me to relocate. Instead of celebrating my potential success, my partner made me feel guilty about even considering it.
They painted a picture of abandonment, claiming I was selfish for wanting to chase my dreams. They used guilt as a weapon to influence my decision, making it feel like my ambitions were a betrayal to our relationship.
Guilt-tripping is a common manipulation tactic. If your partner frequently makes you feel guilty for your actions, decisions, or even your feelings, it’s a sign that they might be manipulating you.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should respect and support your ambitions, not use them as a tool for emotional manipulation. Your dreams and aspirations are valid, and you should never feel guilty for pursuing them.
7) They never apologize
In any relationship, mistakes are inevitable. What matters is how we address them. A genuine apology can go a long way in mending fences and rebuilding trust.
But if your partner never apologizes or admits they’re wrong, even when it’s clear they’ve made a mistake, it could be a sign of manipulation.
This refusal to apologize isn’t just about pride, it’s an attempt to shift blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It’s a way to maintain control and keep you on the defensive.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes, but owning up to them is a sign of maturity and respect. If your partner can’t apologize, it’s not just a red flag—it’s a sign of manipulation.
8) They frequently threaten to leave
The most important thing to understand about manipulation is that it’s all about power and control. And one of the most potent tools a manipulator can use is fear.
If your partner frequently threatens to end the relationship during arguments or disagreements, it’s a clear sign of manipulation. This tactic is designed to make you feel anxious and insecure, forcing you to concede just to keep the relationship intact.
This isn’t just unhealthy, it’s emotionally abusive.
In a loving relationship, stability and security should be a given, not something you constantly have to fight for. If your partner uses the threat of leaving as a weapon, know that this is manipulation, and you deserve better.
Final thoughts: It’s about respect and balance
At the heart of every healthy relationship is mutual respect and balance. These two elements form the bedrock on which trust, understanding, and love thrive.
Manipulation undermines these fundamental principles. It introduces imbalance and erodes respect, gradually transforming a relationship into a power game.
Recognizing the signs of manipulation is a critical step towards reclaiming your power and ensuring your relationship is a place of mutual respect and equality.
Remember, it’s not about who holds the reins, but how you both navigate the journey together. In the end, relationships are about building each other up, not tearing each other down. So if you find yourself in a situation where your happiness is being compromised by manipulation, it may be time to reflect on where you stand.
After all, everyone deserves a relationship where they feel loved, respected, and free to be themselves.