Our childhood experiences shape us in ways we often don’t realize until we’re older. One such influence is the parenting style we grew up with.

If you had an overly controlling mother, it might have left some lasting effects on your behavior as an adult.

Many of us carry these learned behaviors into adulthood, not realizing that they’re a result of our upbringing.

So, let’s dive into this and explore the eight behaviors that you might be exhibiting if you had an overly controlling mother. It’s not about blaming, but understanding and growing.

1) Perfectionism

Growing up with an overly controlling mother often means that nothing you do is ever good enough.

You might have been pushed to succeed at all costs, with little tolerance for mistakes or failure. This pressure can lead to a deep-seated belief that you must be perfect to be worthy of love or respect.

This belief can manifest as an adult in the form of perfectionism. You might find yourself constantly striving for flawlessness, setting excessively high performance standards, and being overly critical of yourself when you don’t meet these standards.

It’s important to remember that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Rather than being a sign of failure, mistakes are opportunities for growth and learning. By recognizing this, you can start to let go of unrealistic expectations and be kinder to yourself.

2) Difficulty with decision-making

I can speak from personal experience on this one. My mother always had a say in everything I did, from the clothes I wore to the friends I kept. She meant well, aiming for me to have the best, but it made me second-guess my own decisions.

As an adult, I found myself struggling to make even the simplest choices. Whether it was picking a restaurant for dinner or deciding on a career path, the fear of making a ‘wrong’ choice was paralyzing.

If you too find it hard to trust your own judgement and constantly seek approval from others, it might be a residual effect of having an overly controlling mother. The key is to recognize this pattern and work on trusting yourself more. After all, it’s your life and you are the best judge of what’s right for you.

3) People-pleasing

Growing up with an overly controlling mother can make us overly attuned to the needs and desires of others, often at the expense of our own. This can lead to a tendency to become a people-pleaser as an adult.

The desire to please others isn’t inherently bad. It becomes problematic when it’s driven by fear of rejection or conflict.

Interestingly, research shows that people-pleasers are more likely to experience burnout, stress, and even depression. They often put others’ needs before their own to such an extent that they neglect their own well-being.

It’s important to balance caring for others with self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.

4) Fear of confrontation

If your mother was overly controlling, expressing your thoughts and feelings may have led to conflict or even punishment. This can result in a fear of confrontation as an adult.

You might avoid disagreements at all costs, often suppressing your own needs and feelings to keep the peace. This can lead to resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, and unfulfilled needs.

It’s crucial to remember that conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, handled correctly, it can lead to growth and better understanding between people. Learning to assert yourself and express your needs in a respectful manner is a critical aspect of healthy relationships.

5) Insecurity and self-doubt

Growing up under the constant scrutiny of an overly controlling mother can be tough. You might have felt that you were always under a microscope, with every action or decision being criticized or second-guessed.

This constant critique can seep into your psyche, leading to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt as an adult. You might find yourself questioning your worth, abilities, and even your value to others.

Take heart in knowing that you are not alone. Many people share these feelings. It’s crucial to remember that your worth is not determined by anyone else’s standards but your own. You are enough, just as you are. And it’s okay to make mistakes – they don’t define you; they help you grow.

6) Overly critical of oneself

I’ve often found myself being my own worst critic. A simple mistake at work or a minor misunderstanding with a friend could spiral into a self-blame fest. I realized over time that this stemmed from my upbringing.

Having an overly controlling mother meant that I was constantly being watched and critiqued. As an adult, this translated into an internal voice that was quick to jump on any perceived failure or shortcoming.

If you find yourself overly critical of your own mistakes or constantly doubting your abilities, it might be a result of having a controlling parent. Remember, it’s okay to be human, to make mistakes and learn from them. You are much more than your perceived flaws and failures.

7) Struggle to express emotions

If your mother was overly controlling, expressing your emotions may not have been encouraged or even allowed. This can lead to difficulty in recognizing and expressing your feelings as an adult.

You might find yourself bottling up your emotions, or even struggling to identify what you’re feeling. This can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, and can even impact your relationships.

Understanding and expressing our emotions is a crucial part of mental health. It’s important to create a safe space for yourself where you can express your feelings without judgment. Remember, it’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to let those feelings out.

8) Need for control

If you had an overly controlling mother, you might find yourself exhibiting the same need for control in your adult life. You might strive to control your environment, your relationships, or even yourself to an unhealthy extent.

This can stem from a deep-seated fear of uncertainty, a fear that was likely instilled in you during your childhood. But life is inherently uncertain, and learning to let go and accept that we can’t control everything is a crucial part of personal growth and happiness.

Remember, it’s okay not to have everything under control all the time. It’s okay to let go and just be. Life unfolds in its own way, and sometimes, the best thing we can do is to trust the journey.