If you were raised by highly critical parents, you might relate to these 9 adult behaviors
There’s a significant difference between parents who provide constructive criticism and those who are just plain hypercritical.
Growing up with overly critical parents isn’t easy.
Their constant scrutiny can influence us in ways we may not even realize until we’re adults.
Being raised by highly critical parents might lead to certain behaviors that persist into adulthood.
And it’s not always a bad thing.
Sometimes, it can even make you a stronger person.
But it isn’t easy to recognize these behaviors when they’re so ingrained in your daily life.
That’s why I’ve put together a list of nine adult behaviors you might relate to if you were raised by highly critical parents.
Keep reading to see if any of these behaviors resonate with you.
1) Perfectionism
If you’ve been raised by highly critical parents, you might find yourself striving for perfection in every aspect of your life.
Perfectionism is a common trait among those who grew up with constant criticism.
It’s a defense mechanism, a way to avoid the negative feedback and disapproval that was so common in your childhood.
You may find yourself constantly pushing to achieve the highest standards, whether it’s in your career, personal life, or even your hobbies.
This can lead to incredible achievements, but it can also cause stress and anxiety when those high standards aren’t met.
Recognizing this behavior is the first step towards understanding how your upbringing may still be impacting your adult life.
And remember, it’s okay to strive for greatness, but don’t forget to give yourself permission to be human too.
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.
2) The constant need for validation
This one’s a biggie for me personally.
Growing up with critical parents, it often felt like nothing I did was ever good enough.
No matter how hard I tried, there was always something that could have been done better.
This translated into my adult life as a constant need for validation.
I found myself feeling insecure and constantly seeking approval in everything I do, whether it’s at work, in relationships, or even in trivial decisions like what clothes to wear.
I’d often second-guess my choices and decisions, worrying if they were ‘right’ or ‘good enough’.
It took me a while to realize that this relentless need for validation stemmed from my upbringing.
Once I acknowledged this, it was easier to work on building my self-esteem and making decisions that felt right for me, not just ones that would gain approval from others.
Trust me, it’s a liberating feeling when you start living for yourself and not for others’ validation.
3) Difficulty expressing emotions
Did you know that children who grow up under constant criticism often struggle to express their emotions as adults?
While this might not seem like a big deal, it can significantly impact interpersonal relationships and emotional wellbeing.
The reason behind this is simple.
When a child’s feelings are regularly dismissed or invalidated, they learn to suppress their emotions.
They may start to believe that their feelings are wrong or unimportant.
As adults, this can manifest in emotional numbness or an inability to express feelings effectively.
It may also lead to difficulties in understanding and responding to the emotions of others, making it harder to form deep and meaningful relationships.
4) Overthinking and self-doubt
Growing up with highly critical parents can often lead to a tendency to overthink and doubt oneself.
When your actions were constantly criticized, it’s not uncommon to develop a habit of scrutinizing every decision you make as an adult.
This can lead to a vicious cycle of overthinking, self-doubt, and second-guessing, making it challenging to make decisions confidently.
You might find yourself constantly worrying about making the wrong choice or disappointing others.
The silver lining?
By recognizing this pattern, you can actively work on building confidence in your decision-making abilities and learn how to trust yourself more.
5) Fear of failure
Fear of failure is a common trait among those raised by highly critical parents.
When every mistake or shortcoming was met with harsh criticism, it’s natural to develop a deep-seated fear of failing.
This fear can hold you back in many aspects of life.
It may prevent you from trying new things, taking risks, or stepping out of your comfort zone, all because you’re afraid of not being good enough.
While it’s essential to strive for success, it’s equally important to understand that failure is a part of life.
It’s how we learn, grow, and ultimately become stronger.
So don’t let the fear of failure keep you from reaching your full potential.
6) The struggle to accept compliments
If you were raised by highly critical parents, accepting compliments might feel like a Herculean task.
You might find yourself brushing off praise or downplaying your achievements, instead of graciously accepting the compliment.
This struggle stems from a belief ingrained in childhood that you’re not good enough, or that there’s always room for improvement.
When you’re so used to criticism, compliments can feel foreign and uncomfortable.
But here’s the thing.
You are deserving of praise.
Your achievements and hard work are worth celebrating.
Learning to accept compliments is a journey, one that starts with acknowledging your worth.
So next time someone compliments you, take a moment, breathe in their kind words, and simply say ‘thank you’. You’ve earned it.
7) Avoidance of conflict
Growing up, my household was often filled with tension.
Any disagreement or conflict would be met with criticism and harsh words.
As a result, I found myself avoiding conflict at all costs, even when it meant compromising my needs or feelings.
This avoidance carried into my adult life, affecting my relationships and interactions.
I’d often agree with others, even when I didn’t want to, just to avoid potential conflict.
It took time to realize that conflict is not always a bad thing.
It’s a part of human interaction and can lead to growth and understanding when handled constructively.
Learning to navigate conflicts while standing up for myself has been one of the most empowering journeys in my life.
8) High levels of self-criticism
If your parents were highly critical, chances are, you’ve become your own harshest critic.
Instead of offering yourself understanding and forgiveness when you make mistakes, you might belittle yourself or replay the scenario over and over in your head.
This self-criticism can be harmful and lead to feelings of low self-worth.
It’s important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that they don’t define your value or worth.
Practicing self-compassion and understanding can help break this cycle of self-criticism, fostering a healthier relationship with yourself.
9) Resilience
Here’s the silver lining in all of this.
If you were raised by highly critical parents, you likely developed a remarkable level of resilience.
You learned to navigate challenges and criticism from an early age, developing strength and perseverance along the way.
This resilience is a powerful tool.
It has the ability to help you overcome obstacles, bounce back from failures, and keep going even when things get tough.
So while your upbringing may have been challenging, it also equipped you with an incredible strength that you carry with you into adulthood.
It shapes you, strengthens you, and prepares you for the journey ahead.
Remember, you aren’t alone
The complexities of human behavior and emotions are often deeply intertwined with our upbringing.
The experiences we have as children can significantly shape our behaviors, responses, and habits as adults.
If you were raised by highly critical parents and find yourself relating to these behaviors, remember this – you aren’t alone.
Millions of people have walked in your shoes and have faced similar struggles.
The key is in recognizing these behaviors and understanding their roots.
This awareness is the first step towards healing and growth.
It’s never too late to break free from these patterns and to start building a healthier relationship with yourself.
Your worth is not defined by the criticism you received as a child.
You are so much more than that.
You are strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming anything that life throws at you.
So take a moment to reflect on your journey, embrace it, and remember – you’re doing just fine.