Earning your teenager’s respect isn’t just about setting rules—it’s about modeling behaviors that build trust, understanding, and mutual appreciation.

Certain habits, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently create distance or resentment as they grow.

Letting go of these behaviors can pave the way for a stronger, healthier relationship as they transition into adulthood.

In this article, we’ll be discussing seven behaviors to say goodbye to if you want your teenage child to respect you as they get older—and what to do instead to foster lasting respect and connection:

1) Lecturing

One surefire way to lose your teenager’s respect is by resorting to lectures.

Let’s face it, teenagers are at a stage where they’re trying to assert their independence and find their own identity.

They don’t want to be talked at, they want to be engaged with.

Lecturing makes them feel like they’re being talked down to, and that their opinions don’t matter.

It can easily build resentment and can make them tune you out.

Instead of lecturing, try having a conversation—ask for their opinions, get them involved in decision-making processes.

You’ll find they’ll appreciate being treated as an equal and it will foster mutual respect.

Remember, respect is a two-way street—to be respected means you have to show respect too.

2) Dismissing their feelings

I remember a time when my own teenager came home upset because of a falling out with a close friend.

My immediate instinct was to say, “You’ll get over it,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.”

But then, I remembered how monumental every little thing felt when I was a teenager myself.

Their world is different, and their feelings are deeply felt and immensely significant to them.

Dismissing their feelings as trivial or childish is a sure-fire way to lose their respect as it communicates to them that you don’t value their emotions or experiences.

Instead, I learned to empathize, to listen, and to validate.

By acknowledging my child’s feelings and showing understanding, not only did our relationship improve, but his emotional intelligence grew as well.

3) Over-sharing

While it’s important to foster open communication with your teenager, there’s a line that needs to be drawn.

Remember, you’re their parent, not their best friend.

Teenagers are still figuring out their boundaries and what’s acceptable.

By over-sharing about your own past indiscretions, you might inadvertently give them the idea that these behaviors are okay.

Instead of over-sharing, focus on maintaining a healthy balance between openness and discretion.

This can help model for them the importance of boundaries in relationships, and ultimately garner their respect as they grow older.

4) Being inconsistent

Inconsistency can be confusing and frustrating for a teenager.

One minute, you’re strict about them doing their chores and the next, you let it slide.

This can easily lead to them losing respect for you as they may view it as you not taking your own rules seriously.

Consistency, on the other hand, can help establish clear expectations and boundaries.

It’s all about showing them that you mean what you say and that there are consequences for their actions.

Consistency is about being dependable and sticking to your principles.

5) Avoiding difficult conversations

I’ll admit, there have been times when I’ve shied away from tough conversations with my teenager.

Topics like sex, drugs, or mental health can be uncomfortable to tackle.

But avoiding these conversations can give the impression that these topics are taboo or that you’re not equipped to handle their concerns.

By opening up about these challenging subjects, you’re showing your teenager that you’re there for them, no matter how tough the topic.

You’re demonstrating that you trust them with complex issues and that you respect their capacity to understand and engage in these discussions.

6) Not following through

Promises are a big deal, especially in the eyes of a teenager.

Whether it’s a promise to attend their school play or to punish them for breaking curfew, following through is crucial.

Not keeping your word can lead to your teenager losing faith and respect in you—making them feel unimportant or dismissed.

So, if you make a promise, make sure you can keep it.

Show your teenager that your word is reliable and that you respect them enough to follow through.

This can significantly enhance their respect for you as they grow older.

7) Ignoring their individuality

Your teenager is not a mini version of you—they have their own thoughts, feelings, and passions.

Trying to mold them into something they’re not is a surefire way to lose their respect.

It’s essential to acknowledge and appreciate your teenager’s individuality.

Encourage their unique interests and perspectives, even if they’re different from your own.

This validation will not only boost their self-esteem but also strengthen the bond of respect between you both.

After all, everyone wants to be seen and accepted for who they truly are.

Final thoughts: The power of change lies within

Raising a teenager is a journey of growth, both for you and your child.

The behaviors we’ve discussed may seem daunting to overcome, but remember, small changes can make a big impact.

The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This wisdom applies to parenting teenagers as much as to personal growth.

Accepting our current behaviors is the first step toward meaningful change.

By improving ourselves, we create a positive path for our teens to follow.

As parents, actions speak louder than words—embracing respect, empathy, and understanding not only earns their respect but also inspires them to become better.

Here’s to your growth, adaptability, and the rewarding journey of raising a teenager who respects and admires you!