Demanding respect and earning it lead to completely different outcomes.

Demanding it can make you come across as pushy, even desperate, while earning it—well, that’s a different story.

I’ve learned that real respect comes from how we treat our partners, the little things we do, and the habits we break.

And let me tell you, there are some behaviors that can turn that hard-earned respect into something that’s anything but flattering.

So, let’s talk about those—here are eight habits that might just be costing you the respect you deserve.

1) Unnecessary criticism

There aren’t many things that can deteriorate respect faster in a relationship than unnecessary criticism.

Often, we don’t even realize that we’re doing it. We might think we’re just being honest or trying to help our partner improve.

But there’s a fine line between constructive feedback and criticism that’s hurtful and disrespectful.

Unnecessary criticism can make your partner feel unappreciated, undervalued, and it can seriously harm your relationship. It’s the fastest way to lose their respect.

Think about it. Would you respect someone who constantly pointed out your flaws and made you feel inadequate?

So if you want to earn and maintain your partner’s respect, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.

This doesn’t mean you should never provide feedback or share your concerns. It simply means you should do so in a respectful and considerate manner.

2) Dishonesty

Let me tell you something from my own experience. Nothing shatters respect faster in a relationship than dishonesty.

I remember a time when I thought a small lie wouldn’t harm anyone.

I had forgotten to pay a bill and instead of admitting my mistake, I told my partner that there was an issue with the bank.

But guess what? Lies have a way of catching up with you. My partner found out the truth and the look of disappointment on their face is something I still haven’t forgotten.

That small lie chipped away at the respect they had for me.

Trust is like a glass, once broken it’s hard to mend.

Dishonesty, no matter how small or insignificant the lie may seem, can cause irreparable damage to your partner’s trust and respect for you.

Additionally, according to psychologists, dishonesty blocks real intimacy with your partner.

So, if you want your partner to always respect you, honesty is non-negotiable.

Even when the truth is hard to admit or may lead to conflict, it’s always better than losing your partner’s trust and respect.

3) Lack of empathy

Lack of empathy can be a relationship killer. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

It’s the foundation for connection, mutual respect, and love.

When we fail to show empathy, we’re essentially saying that our partner’s feelings don’t matter to us. This can lead to feelings of neglect and disrespect.

So, if you want your partner to always respect you, it’s important to cultivate a sense of empathy.

Try to put yourself in their shoes, understand their emotions and respond with kindness and compassion.

4) Not keeping promises

Promises are sacred in a relationship. They’re an expression of your commitment to your partner.

When you make a promise, you’re giving your word that you’ll do something.

Breaking that promise is akin to breaking trust, and that can be devastating for the respect your partner has for you.

It’s not just about big promises either. Even small ones, like saying you’ll do the dishes or pick up groceries on your way home, matter.

According to Ashley Thorn, a psychotherapist in Sandy, even minor broken promises can gradually erode trust.

Each broken promise might seem insignificant on its own, but together they can erode the foundation of respect in your relationship. 

So, if you want your partner to always respect you, make sure to keep your promises.

If circumstances change and you can’t fulfill a promise, communicate honestly and apologize genuinely.

Your partner will respect you more for your honesty and integrity.

5) Being selfish

Love and respect in a relationship require a delicate balance of give and take.

When we let selfishness take hold, we disrupt this balance. We start prioritizing our needs and wants over our partners’.

This can make them feel unappreciated and disrespected.

I’ve seen relationships crumble because one person consistently put their interests first, neglecting the feelings and needs of their partner. It’s heartbreaking to witness.

Being selfless doesn’t mean you completely ignore your needs. It means understanding your partner’s needs are equally important.

It involves compromise, patience, and a whole lot of love.

6) Lack of communication

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Without it, misunderstandings brew and resentment builds.

There was a time when I thought keeping my feelings to myself was the best way to avoid conflict.

I would bottle up my frustrations, brush off my disappointments, and let misunderstandings slide.

But what I didn’t realize was that my silence was creating a wall between my partner and me.

It led to feelings of isolation and disconnection, and slowly chipped away at the respect we had for each other.

Opening up and sharing your thoughts and feelings requires courage, but it’s crucial. It shows your partner that you value their input and respect their perspective.

So, if you want your partner to always respect you, it’s time to open those lines of communication.

Let them know what you’re thinking, feeling, and expecting in a respectful and considerate manner.

7) Disregarding boundaries

Boundaries are essential in a relationship. They’re the invisible lines that define what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not.

When we disregard our partner’s boundaries, we’re essentially saying that we don’t respect their feelings or needs.

This can lead to resentment and damage the respect our partner has for us.

Whether it’s about personal space, time apart, or how you handle disagreements, respecting boundaries is about acknowledging and valuing your partner’s individuality.

If you want your partner to always respect you, it’s vital to understand and respect their boundaries.

And if you’re unsure what those boundaries are, don’t hesitate to have that conversation with them. It shows that you care and respect their needs.

8) Taking your partner for granted

This is perhaps the most significant behavior to let go of if you want your partner to always respect you.

Taking your partner for granted means not appreciating their efforts, ignoring their feelings, and failing to acknowledge their importance in your life.

When we take our partners for granted, we unknowingly create an environment where they feel undervalued and disrespected.

So, make it a point to express your gratitude for their presence, appreciate their efforts, and acknowledge their contributions.

This simple act can go a long way in ensuring that your partner always respects you.

Final thoughts: Respect each other

The complexities of human relationships often boil down to a fundamental principle – respect.

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. 

Harvard psychologist George Vaillant has spent his career studying adult development and what factors contribute most strongly to a happy life.

He found that “warmth of relationships throughout life have the greatest positive impact on ‘life satisfaction'”.

So, if you want your partner to always respect you, it’s important to cultivate these behaviors we’ve discussed.

As we have discussed above, respect isn’t something that can be demanded or forced.

It is earned through consistent actions and behaviors that reflect your consideration and love for your partner.

And sure, everyone makes mistakes, but it’s how we learn from them that truly shapes us.

Be open to change, willing to grow, and strive to be a better version of yourself for your partner.