What makes kids want to hang out with their parents once they’ve grown up?

It’s easy to assume it’s all about being the “cool” mom or dad, offering endless fun and zero rules. But that’s not the secret.

In fact, building a lasting, enjoyable bond with your kids has much more to do with what you don’t do than what you do.

Here are 7 habits to say goodbye to if you want your kids to genuinely enjoy spending time with you in the years to come.

1) Over-parenting

As parents, our instinct is often to protect our children from every harm or discomfort. But are we doing too much?

This excessive shielding, also known as over-parenting, can actually be counterproductive. Not only does it rob our kids of the chance to learn from their mistakes, but it also creates a gap between us and them.

Research even suggests that children who are over-parented may become dependent and risk-averse. And as they grow older, they might feel smothered and start seeking distance.

If you want your kids to enjoy spending time with you later in life, it’s time to step back a little. Allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Show them that you trust their judgement.

Our role is not just to shield our kids from every adversity but to equip them with the skills to face these adversities themselves.

2) Lack of active listening

I remember when my son was 6, he would come home from school bursting with stories about his day. I’d sometimes find myself nodding along while mentally preparing dinner or checking my emails.

One day, he called me out. “Dad, you’re not really listening!” He was right. I was physically present but mentally miles away.

That’s when I realized that I was practicing passive, not active, listening. It’s a common mistake we parents make – hearing our kids but not really listening to them.

Active listening means giving your full attention, asking follow-up questions and showing genuine interest. It shows our kids that we value their thoughts and feelings.

Trust me, they’ll appreciate having a parent who truly listens.

3) Ignoring their interests

How often do you dismiss your child’s latest obsession as “just a phase”?

Maybe it’s the music you can’t stand, the video game you don’t understand, or the endless stream of facts about a topic you find boring.

We all do it. It’s easy to shrug off these interests as unimportant. But to your child, they’re anything but.

When we ignore or belittle what lights them up, we’re sending a subtle message: What matters to you doesn’t really matter to me.

Over time, this can create a sense of distance and make them hesitant to share their passions with you.

Instead, try leaning in. Ask questions about what they love, even if it’s not your thing. Let them teach you about it. Your enthusiasm for their interests—even when it’s not genuine—shows them you care about them.

The key isn’t becoming an expert in their hobbies; it’s showing respect for the things that make them happy. You might even find you enjoy learning about their world, creating a stronger connection for years to come.

4) Constant criticism

We all want our kids to be the best they can be. Sometimes, this desire manifests as constant criticism, even for minor mistakes.

But what we perceive as ‘constructive criticism’ may come off as discouragement to our kids.

Criticism, especially when not balanced with praise, can harm a child’s self-esteem and self-worth. It can make them feel that they’re never good enough in your eyes.

And over time, they may start distancing themselves from you to avoid these negative feelings.

Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and provide constructive feedback rather than outright criticism. By doing so, you’ll create a positive environment where your kids feel loved and valued.

5) Lack of quality time

Here’s one we all know deep down. 

However, in the hustle and bustle of life, we often find ourselves juggling multiple responsibilities. Work, chores, social commitments – the list goes on. Amidst all this, it’s easy for quality time with our kids to take a backseat.

But here’s the thing. Our kids grow up faster than we realize. And before we know it, they’re heading off to college or starting their own families.

Time spent with them is not just about creating memories but also about building a lasting bond.

These moments of togetherness will not only strengthen your bond but also create a treasure trove of memories that you and your kids will cherish for a lifetime. 

6) Comparing them to others

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

This quote serves as a powerful reminder that every child is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, and timelines for growth.

Yet, as parents, it can be tempting to compare our kids to others—their siblings, classmates, or even the kids we see on social media.

Maybe it’s a well-meaning comment like, “Why can’t you be more like your cousin who gets straight A’s?” Or perhaps it’s subtler, like expressing disappointment when they don’t excel in a particular area.

While we may think we’re motivating them, these comparisons often have the opposite effect. They can chip away at a child’s self-esteem, making them feel inadequate or unworthy.

Over time, this can lead to resentment and create distance in the parent-child relationship.

Instead of comparing, celebrate your child for who they are. Highlight their unique gifts and encourage them to pursue their passions, even if they’re different from what you envisioned.

When children feel accepted and valued for who they truly are, they’re more likely to feel safe and supported—and more likely to enjoy spending time with you as they grow.

7) Breaking promises

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and it’s no different with our kids. When we break promises, it shakes their trust in us. They start doubting if they can rely on our words.

Whether it’s a promise to play a game after work or to attend their school event, make sure you follow through. If for some reason you can’t, be honest about it.

It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver than the other way around. If you want your kids to enjoy spending time with you later in life, make sure they know they can trust you – today and always.

Final thoughts

The bond we build with our children isn’t just about the here and now. It’s an investment for the future.

The habits we cultivate today can determine the kind of relationship we’ll have with our children as they navigate adulthood.

By saying goodbye to these habits, you’re not just fostering a stronger bond with your kids, but also shaping their emotional landscape in a positive way.