As parents, we all want to have a strong, respectful relationship with our children as they grow older. But the truth is, respect isn’t automatic—it’s built over time by the way we treat them.

Some habits that may have worked when they were younger can actually push them away as adults. And if we’re not careful, we might damage our connection without even realizing it.

The good news? We can change. By letting go of certain behaviors, we create space for a healthier, more respectful bond with our grown-up kids.

Here are eight behaviors to say goodbye to if you want your adult children to truly respect you.

1) Always trying to control their decisions

As parents, it’s natural to want the best for our kids. But as they grow into adults, they need to make their own choices—even if we don’t always agree with them.

Trying to control their decisions, whether it’s about their career, relationships, or lifestyle, can make them feel like we don’t trust them. And trust is a key part of mutual respect.

Instead of pushing your opinions too hard, try offering guidance when asked and respecting their choices. When they feel heard and supported, they’ll be more likely to value your perspective—without feeling pressured by it.

2) Dismissing their feelings

I learned this one the hard way.

A few years ago, my daughter opened up to me about a tough situation at work. She was frustrated with her boss and feeling unappreciated. Instead of really listening, I jumped in with advice—telling her it wasn’t a big deal and that she should just tough it out.

She got quiet after that, and later, she told me how invalidating it felt. What she really needed wasn’t a solution, but for me to acknowledge her feelings.

As parents, we’ve spent years guiding our kids, but as adults, they don’t always need us to fix things. They need us to listen, to validate their emotions, and to let them know we’re in their corner. When we dismiss their feelings, even unintentionally, we make them feel like their experiences don’t matter.

A simple “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why that’s upsetting” can go a long way in showing them we respect what they’re going through.

3) Always bringing up past mistakes

No one likes to be reminded of their worst moments, especially by the people they love.

Our adult children already know the mistakes they’ve made. Repeatedly bringing them up—whether it’s about their career choices, relationships, or financial decisions—only creates resentment and distance.

Research shows that dwelling on past mistakes can actually make people more likely to repeat them. When someone feels like they’re always being judged for what they did wrong, they may start to believe change isn’t possible.

If you want to maintain their respect, focus on who they are now rather than who they were then. Letting go of the past allows both of you to build a stronger, more positive relationship moving forward.

4) Not respecting their boundaries

Boundaries aren’t just important in friendships and romantic relationships—they matter in parent-child relationships too, especially when your kids are grown.

Showing up unannounced, pushing for personal details they’re not ready to share, or insisting on being involved in every aspect of their life can make them feel smothered. And when people feel like their boundaries aren’t respected, they start pulling away.

Respecting their space doesn’t mean you love them any less—it means you trust them to manage their own life. When they see that you honor their limits, they’ll feel more comfortable letting you in on their terms, not out of obligation.

5) Failing to apologize when you’re wrong

Respect is a two-way street, no matter how old your child is.

As parents, we won’t always get it right. We might say something hurtful, dismiss their feelings, or make assumptions that aren’t fair. But when we refuse to acknowledge our mistakes, we send the message that our pride is more important than our relationship.

A sincere apology doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. It tells your child that their feelings matter and that you value your bond more than being “right.”

It’s never too late to say, “I’m sorry for how that made you feel” or “I realize now that I could have handled that better.” A little humility goes a long way in earning their respect.

6) Expecting them to always prioritize you

It can be hard watching your child build a life that doesn’t revolve around you anymore. The calls become less frequent, plans take longer to make, and suddenly, you’re no longer the center of their world.

But that’s how it’s supposed to be. They have jobs, relationships, responsibilities—things that demand their time and energy. Expecting them to always put you first can make them feel guilty for simply living their life.

Love doesn’t disappear just because they’re not as available as they used to be. Instead of measuring their love by how often they call or visit, appreciate the moments you do get. When they know they can spend time with you without pressure or guilt, they’ll want to come around more—not out of obligation, but because they truly enjoy it.

7) Giving unsolicited advice

It’s hard to watch your child struggle or make choices you wouldn’t. The instinct to step in and offer advice—sometimes forcefully—comes from a place of love. But when advice is given without being asked for, it can feel less like support and more like criticism.

No one wants to feel like they’re constantly being corrected or doubted, especially by their own parents. Even with the best intentions, unsolicited advice can come across as a lack of trust in their ability to handle their own life.

A better approach? Wait until they ask for your input, or simply ask, “Would you like my advice on this?” Giving them the space to make their own decisions while knowing you’re there if they need guidance builds mutual respect instead of frustration.

8) Treating them like they’re still a child

No matter how old they get, they’ll always be your child—but they are not *a* child anymore.

Talking down to them, second-guessing their choices, or acting like they can’t handle life on their own can make them feel small and unworthy of respect. And when someone doesn’t feel respected, it’s hard for them to give respect in return.

Your role has changed. They don’t need a parent who controls, corrects, or hovers. They need one who listens, supports, and treats them like the capable adult they’ve worked hard to become.