If you want your child to truly admire you, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Roselle Umlas by Roselle Umlas | October 14, 2024, 8:45 pm

Parenting is tough, no doubt about it.

The minute you bring a child into the world, you’ve got to step up—you’ve got to become your own version 2.0, whether you’re ready for it or not.

Because now it’s not just not you and your partner anymore; you’ve got a little one watching, and believe me, they will watch closely.

They will see and absorb every action you do and every word you say.

And if you want them to see you as a great role model, you’ll have to take a close look at how you behave.

So, today, let’s talk about the behaviors that can get in the way of that.

Here are 7 behaviors to say goodbye to if you want your child to truly admire you:

1) Inconsistency

One of the best things someone could say about their parents is this: “They were always there for me.”

That can only happen if you’re consistent in how you show up.

According to child development experts, kids need consistency to feel safe and secure.

This is the first rule of parenting—be your child’s safe space and haven.

Your child needs to be able to count on you for guidance and comfort.

That’s something they will carry with them all the way to adulthood.

Consistency isn’t just about structure and routine, though.

It’s also about you walking the talk.

You can’t demand that they respect their curfew if you’re often late yourself without a good reason.

You can’t punish them for talking back and being disrespectful if they see you yelling at the waiter.

It’s just confusing, and eventually they’ll lose respect for you.

So yeah, if you want your child to admire you, you have to try and be as consistent as you can in every possible way.

Like I said, parenting is tough!

2) Negative criticism

Would you admire someone who does nothing but point out your flaws?

You might have had a boss like this, and I am 100% sure you don’t admire them.

So if this is a habit of yours, you can count on not earning your child’s admiration, too.

They might not react to your harsh words outright, but believe me, their heart cracks a little every time you say something critical.

Constructive criticism is essential for growth, but there’s a fine line between guiding and degrading.

The language we use and the manner in which we deliver feedback make a world of difference.

Psychologists say that negative criticism does a lot of damage by instilling shame and guilt and causing unnecessary pain.

Most importantly, it teaches your child to judge themselves.

After all, children learn their inner dialogue from us, their parents.

So how do you correct bad behavior, then?

Through gentle explanations.

Discipline is more effective when kids understand why what they did was wrong without developing a harmful inner voice.

Plus, children look up to adults who treat them with respect and kindness, even when correcting their mistakes.

3) Lack of empathy

Speaking of respect and kindness, another bad habit to break is a lack of empathy.

As I mentioned earlier, for your child to admire you, you need to be their safe space first.

They won’t be able to form that image of you if you’re dismissive of their concerns.

The Psychiatry Resource provides a healthy perspective on the use of empathy in parenting: “The goal of using empathy is not to weaken your child as they deal with a harsh world. Rather, empathy is there to rebalance them when they are really struggling. It helps them get back to their best selves as quickly as possible.”

As adults with lots of stressors in our lives, we so easily forget that the little ones have their own problems.

To us, those problems are of course going to look miniscule. But to them, they loom large.

I’ve seen this firsthand with my own kids.

When they were younger, their worries revolved around things like doing badly on a math test, a mean classmate, or a crush not liking them back.

All throughout, I listened and gave advice.

I loved listening to their stories, and I still do!

And you know what?

It really paid off because today, now that they’re grown-ups, we are still close, still sharing the big and small stories of our lives.

4) Ignoring boundaries

As parents, one of the most common mistakes we make is to think that we own our kids.

So, we don’t pay much attention to their boundaries.

But we absolutely should, because they’re not our property.

They are little human beings, with their own thoughts, preferences, and yes, boundaries.

I mean, we don’t like it when someone hovers over us or micromanages us, right?

The same goes for them, especially as they enter the teen years, when they’re beginning to figure out who they really are.

So as hard as it may be, allow them some personal space to do that.

Knock on their door before entering. If they want some privacy, respect that.

These are actually great opportunities to teach them how to set and assert their boundaries and respect other people’s, too.

5) Not apologizing

One of the things I like about my mom is that she never thinks she’s above an apology.

Even when I was young, I remember her apologizing for the times she let me down, like for example, yelling at me in a moment of anger.

Or for not being able to attend my school play.

Believe me, parents who are humble enough to apologize earn mad respect from their kids.

You know why? Because vulnerability is always powerful, no matter how old you are.

Not to mention that it boosts their child’s sense of self-worth.

As parenting coach Ashley Patek says, “When parents choose not to process and repair with their children, while the parent may feel better, the child’s unworthiness amplifies. ‘Not only was I not worthy of being treated well but now I am not worthy of an apology.’”

6) Overreacting and dealing with stress badly

When I was a young mom, one of my biggest struggles was having to reel in my emotions when I was stressed.

I could no longer just let loose or snap at people when I was having a bad day.

Not with my two boys watching me.

I realized that the way I handle stress would be the way they handle stress, too.

If they see me always freaking out, that would be their default reaction to problems.

So, give your child the gift of emotion regulation.

Model it for them by being calm and solution-oriented.

Show them that while it’s okay to feel upset, how we react can either escalate or defuse a situation.

This brings me to the last point…

7) Blaming other people or your circumstances for your failures

This is one of the most damaging habits you should definitely say goodbye to if you want your child to admire you.

You see, blaming external factors for your mistakes and failures is a sign that you’re not in charge of your life—and it teaches your kids that lesson, too.

In contrast, watching you rise above your circumstances, seeing you overcome obstacles, that’s what will make them go: “Wow, my mom/dad is amazing!”

That’s certainly how I felt watching my mom overcome one hurdle after another.

We didn’t have an easy life, but not once did I hear her blame anyone else for the challenges we faced.

Instead, she did the best she could, while staying grateful for what we did have.

And perhaps that’s what I most admire her for—for teaching us that we are responsible for what happens in our lives.

For empowering us and showing us what accountability and grace look like.

Parenting isn’t easy for sure, but if you’ve been able to teach this lesson to your child, then you’ve done a great job.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *