Raising a child to become a good person isn’t just about teaching them manners. It’s as much about what we do as it is about what we say.

Sometimes, our own behaviors, even if unintentional, can set our kids on a path we didn’t intend. And the tricky part? We’re often so caught up in the daily grind that we don’t even notice these habits.

That’s why I’ve put together a list of 5 behaviors you might need to bid farewell to if you want your child to grow into a decent human being.

Read on, and let’s navigate parenthood together.

1) Overprotectiveness

We all want to keep our children safe from harm’s way. But too much of this can be just as damaging as not enough.

Why? Because overprotection can lead to children feeling incapable and dependent. They may grow to lack self-confidence and struggle to make decisions on their own.

This is well backed up by experts. For instance, Nicole Arzt, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist has noted, “If a parent always rescues their child from harm, the child never truly understands risk or failure. As a result, they may grow up naive to the reality of living in the real world.”

The world can be a tough place, and it’s our job as parents to prepare our kids for it, not shield them from it entirely.

Let your child make mistakes. Let them learn from their failures. It’s one of the most effective ways they can grow and develop resilience.

2) Perfectionism

I’m going to share a personal story with you. When my son was learning to write, I found myself correcting every little mistake he made. I wanted his handwriting to be perfect.

But then I noticed that he was becoming more and more hesitant to write. He was so afraid of making a mistake, that he would rather avoid writing altogether.

That’s when I realized that my demand for perfection was doing more harm than good. It was stifling his creativity and damaging his self-esteem.

So, I decided to take a step back. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, I started praising his efforts. And guess what? His confidence soared.

We all want our children to excel, but we need to remember that it’s okay for them to be ‘average’ at some things. It’s okay for them to make mistakes, as those are the stepping stones to learning and growth.

3) Ignoring their feelings

It’s easy to view our children’s issues as trivial. After all, how severe can their problems really be compared to the complexities adults face? 

Let me share an example. One day, and I’m not proud to admit this, my daughter came to me upset because her friend had chosen someone else for a partner in a school project. I initially brushed it off, thinking, “It’s just a school project, why is she so upset?” 

But then I saw the genuine distress on her face. This wasn’t trivial to her; it was her world.

Experts, like those at Psych Central, emphasize that not validating children’s emotions can lead to insecure attachments and poor coping skills as they grow. By trivializing their feelings, we teach them that their emotions are not important, which can stunt their emotional intelligence and resilience.

Instead, we should take the time to listen and validate their feelings, no matter how small the issue might seem. This approach helps them feel understood and supported and teaches them how to process and express their emotions in healthy ways. 

This foundation will serve them well into adulthood, equipping them with the emotional depth to navigate life’s challenges.

4) Telling lies (even white lies)

This might sound harsh, but if you’re a parent, you likely understand the temptation to tell a small “white lie” to avoid a meltdown or to make things a bit easier at the moment. 

Whether it’s saying the ice cream shop is closed because it’s nearing bedtime, or falsely promising a later activity to sidestep a current confrontation, these fibs can seem harmless.

However, even these small deceptions can set a precedent that might not bode well for fostering honesty in your child. Children are incredibly perceptive and often pick up on inconsistencies between what their parents say and what they do. When they catch a parent in a lie, it can confuse their understanding of truth and integrity.

More critically, repeatedly observing their parents bending the truth teaches children that honesty is flexible depending on the situation. This could lead them to adopt a similar approach to truthfulness, which can affect their relationships and decision-making as they grow.

Instead, strive to model honesty in all your interactions, even if it means facing a bit of temporary discomfort when delivering the truth. 

By doing so, you reinforce the value of honesty and build a foundation of trust with your child. They learn that truthfulness is not only a matter of moral integrity but also a cornerstone of healthy relationships.

5) Neglecting your own self-care

Lastly, here’s one you might not have expected, but hear me out. 

Neglecting your own self-care as a parent can have significant ripple effects on your child’s upbringing. We need to prioritize self-care for two crucial reasons. 

First, when we are not at our best, it becomes difficult to show up fully and effectively for our kids. Experts note that a lack of self-care is associated with a lack of patience with our children. 

On top of that, when we don’t take care of ourselves, we inadvertently teach our children that neglecting their own needs is acceptable. This can lead them to develop habits of putting others constantly ahead of their own well-being, potentially leading to burnout and stress as they grow older.

By taking time to rest, pursue interests, and maintain your health, you model to your children that self-care is an integral part of a balanced and healthy life. This can instill in them the importance of self-respect and personal well-being, which are vital for their long-term happiness and success.