If you want your child to admire you as they get older, say goodbye to these 8 habits

Lucas Graham by Lucas Graham | November 4, 2024, 3:23 pm

Parenting is a journey filled with trials, errors, and countless learning opportunities. One thing I’ve learned is that our habits, good or bad, can have a profound impact on our children.

If you want your child to look up to you as they grow, there are some habits that you might need to say goodbye to.

These habits might seem harmless, even natural to us. But they can undermine your child’s respect for you in the long run.

In this article, I’ll share the 8 habits you should let go of if you want your child to admire you as they mature. It’s a challenging but rewarding task, and trust me, it’s worth it.

1) Criticizing constantly

As a parent, it’s so easy to fall into the habit of criticizing our children. After all, we want them to be the best versions of themselves, right?

But here’s the thing – constant criticism doesn’t breed excellence. Instead, it can create a climate of fear and resentment.

Children who grow up under the shadow of constant criticism often develop a sense of inadequacy. They may strive to be perfect in an attempt to gain approval, or they might rebel, rejecting any form of guidance or advice.

The key is to strike a balance. Constructive criticism – pointing out mistakes while also acknowledging efforts and suggesting ways to improve – promotes growth. But when criticism becomes a habit, it can harm your child’s self-esteem and your relationship with them.

If you want your child to admire you as they grow older, start by saying goodbye to the habit of constant criticism. Replace it with encouragement, understanding, and patience. It’s not easy, but remember – change starts with us.

2) Being too busy

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this one. Life gets busy and sometimes, it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

A few years ago, I found myself juggling between a demanding job and my roles as a parent and spouse. The phrase “I’m too busy” became my default response whenever my child asked me to play or help with homework.

But then, one day, my child said something that made me stop in my tracks. He said, “Dad, are you ever not busy?” His words hit me hard. I realized that by constantly prioritizing work over spending time with him, I was sending the message that he was less important.

From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to change. I started setting boundaries at work and dedicated quality time for my child every day. And trust me, it made a huge difference.

So if you want your child to admire you as they get older, remember to make time for them. Show them they’re important to you. Because in the end, it’s not about having time, it’s about making time.

3) Not practicing what you preach

Children are like sponges, absorbing everything around them. And one thing they’re really good at is noticing inconsistencies.

For instance, you might tell your child to always tell the truth. But if they catch you lying about something – even a small white lie – it sends a conflicting message.

In fact, research suggests that children as young as two can recognize when adults are being inconsistent in their words and actions. This inconsistency can lead to confusion and mistrust.

So if you want your child to develop good habits and admirable qualities, model them yourself. Actions speak louder than words, especially when it comes to parenting. The best way to teach your child honesty, kindness, respect, or any other value is to exhibit these behaviors yourself.

4) Comparing them with others

It’s human nature to compare – we do it all the time. But when it comes to our children, comparison can be a dangerous habit.

When you compare your child to their siblings, peers, or even your own childhood selves, you might think you’re motivating them to improve. But more often than not, it can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy.

Every child is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses. They need to know that they are valued and appreciated for who they are, not how they stack up against others.

If you want your child to admire you as they grow older, focus on their individual growth and progress. Celebrate their achievements, encourage their efforts, and support them through their struggles. This way, they’ll grow up knowing that they are enough just the way they are.

5) Neglecting self-care

This one might seem a bit counterintuitive. After all, as parents, aren’t we supposed to put our children’s needs before our own?

But here’s the truth – you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly running on empty, it’s only a matter of time before you burn out. And a burnt-out parent cannot provide the care and support their child needs.

Neglecting your own wellbeing not only affects you but also sets an unhealthy example for your child. They learn to associate love and care with constant self-sacrifice, which can lead to them ignoring their own needs as they grow older.

To be the best parent you can be, you need to take care of yourself too. That means eating well, getting enough rest, finding time for exercise, and even taking a break when you need it.

Remember, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s necessary. And when your child sees you prioritizing self-care, they learn the importance of maintaining their own wellbeing too.

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

There was a time when I would gloss over difficult topics, thinking I was protecting my child from the harsh realities of life. But I realized that by doing so, I was actually doing more harm than good.

Children are curious and perceptive. They can sense when something is amiss. And when we avoid talking about difficult topics – whether it’s about death, illness, or even global issues – we leave them to fill in the gaps themselves.

This lack of open communication can create a sense of insecurity and fear in your child. It can also prevent them from learning valuable coping skills.

Having difficult conversations with your child might be uncomfortable. But it’s an opportunity to provide them with accurate information, reassure them, and teach them how to deal with tough situations. It might not be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

7) Ignoring their feelings

Children are naturally expressive, often wearing their hearts on their sleeves. But as adults, we sometimes dismiss their feelings as trivial or unimportant.

Dismissing or ignoring your child’s feelings can make them feel unheard and invalidated. Over time, this can lead to them bottling up their emotions, which is unhealthy and can cause emotional distress.

Instead, acknowledge and validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, joy, or fear. Teach them healthy ways to express and manage their emotions.

By validating your child’s feelings and helping them navigate their emotions, you not only strengthen your bond with them but also equip them with important emotional skills they’ll use throughout their life.

8) Not showing enough love and affection

At the end of the day, what your child truly needs from you is your love and affection. They need to know that they are loved unconditionally, irrespective of their achievements or mistakes.

Showing your love doesn’t have to be grand gestures. It could be as simple as a hug, a word of encouragement, or taking the time to listen to their stories.

Children who grow up feeling loved and secure are more likely to develop healthy self-esteem and positive relationships. So don’t hold back on showing your love. It’s the best gift you can give your child.