As parents, we all want to foster close, meaningful relationships with our children as they grow into adults.

But are you noticing more distance than closeness? Are you wondering what’s changed and why the connection feels different?

You’re not alone. As noted by parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, “Even well-meaning parents may act in ways that hurt their adult children and make it hard to communicate.”

The reality is that shifting from a parent-child dynamic to a true friendship requires us to let go of some old habits. Are you unintentionally pushing them away?

Let’s find out. 

Today, we dive into seven behaviors that could be keeping your adult children from seeing you as a friend.

1) Over-parenting

Transitioning from a parent to a friend isn’t always easy, especially when you’ve spent the better part of your life in that role.

Your adult children are now capable of making their own decisions. They’ll make mistakes, yes, but that’s all part of their journey to becoming well-rounded individuals.

The first behavior to say goodbye to is over-parenting.

This means you need to stop trying to control their lives or make decisions for them. It’s not about abandoning them or not offering advice when needed. It’s about respecting their autonomy and recognizing they’re adults now.

By giving them the space they need to grow, you’re showing them that you trust their judgment. And that can go a long way in fostering a friendship with your adult children.

2) Always jumping to give advice 

I’ve found that one of the major shifts when transitioning from the role of parent to friend is the ability to truly listen.

As parents, our instinct is most often to try and solve things or to give advice. But as author Steve Maraboli notes, “Sometimes we need someone to just listen. Not to try and fix anything or offer alternatives, but to just be there… to listen.”

This includes our adult children.  Sometimes, they need a listening ear, and being that listening ear can do wonders for your relationship with your kids. 

By learning to listen more and talk less, you open up a new channel of communication with your adult children.

3) Judging

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”  ― Brad Meltzer

The above quote might sound dramatic, but it’s often true, even for our grown kids. They may and probably do have issues we don’t know about, issues we have not experienced and don’t know how to handle. 

If you want to foster a friendship with your adult children, it’s critical to create an environment where they feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment.

This means holding back immediate reactions, refraining from harsh criticisms, and trying to see things from their perspective.

Creating a judgment-free space can help cultivate a more open and honest relationship with your adult children.

4) Not respecting their privacy

Just as you value your privacy, so do your adult children. They have their own lives, their own relationships, and their own experiences. It’s crucial to respect that.

This is well-acknowledged by experts like parent coach and psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, who, in a recent Psychology Today post, noted, “The more respect you give your adult child, the more likely you will get it back from them.”

This means not prying into their personal affairs or insisting on knowing every detail of their lives. If they want to share something with you, they will. But if they choose to keep certain things to themselves, it’s important to respect that decision.

By respecting their privacy, you’re demonstrating that you see them as independent adults. 

5) Overlooking encouragement

Do your adult children know that you’re still in their corner, cheering them on?

One of the most powerful ways to transition from a parent to a friend is by continuing to be their biggest supporter—without overstepping.

While you no longer need to guide them every step, offering encouragement from the sidelines shows them that you believe in their abilities. Celebrate their wins, no matter how small, and offer a kind word when things don’t go as planned.

Being their cheerleader doesn’t mean taking control; it means offering support without pressure. Let them know you’re proud of the choices they’re making, even if those choices look different from the path you might have chosen for them.

When your adult children feel that you’re rooting for them, it deepens the bond and reminds them that you’re not just their parent—you’re their friend.

6) Avoiding apologies 

Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes, even as parents.

There was a time when I lost my temper and said things I didn’t mean to my daughter. It created a rift between us, but I realized that I needed to own up to my mistake.

I apologize sincerely. It wasn’t easy admitting that I was wrong, but it was necessary. That apology helped mend our relationship and showed her that I respected her feelings.

When you’re wrong, don’t shy away from apologizing to your adult children. It shows them that you value the relationship more than your ego, and it sets a good example of taking responsibility for one’s actions. 

7) Keeping your own life a secret

Friendship is a two-way street. If you want your adult children to consider you as a friend, it’s important that you also share your life experiences, thoughts, and feelings with them.

Tell them about your day, share your dreams, and even your fears. Let them know they’re not just your children, but also someone you trust and want to confide in.

By opening up, you’re showing them a different side of you. This can help deepen the bond between you and your adult children, transforming the parent-child relationship into a beautiful friendship.

Final thoughts: It’s a journey

So there you have it—building a true friendship with your adult children isn’t out of reach.

By letting go of the need to parent, showing them unconditional support, and embracing their independence, you’re setting the stage for a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

It’s not about being perfect, but about being present, open, and willing to grow with them.