As we grow older, it’s only natural that we start to care less about what others think of us. However, holding on to certain behaviors can keep us stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing and self-doubt.

If you’re looking to truly liberate yourself from the judgments of others, there are some behaviors you might need to say goodbye to.

In this piece, I’ll share with you the habits that might be holding you back.

1) Seeking validation

The desire for approval is a deeply human trait. We all want to feel accepted and valued by the people around us. However, as we get older, it’s essential to realize that the only approval that truly matters is our own.

Relying on others for validation can lead us to make choices that don’t align with our values or desires. It can trap us in a cycle of second-guessing ourselves, constantly wondering if we’re living up to others’ expectations.

When we stop seeking validation from outside sources, we free ourselves to make decisions based on what we genuinely want and believe in.

This doesn’t mean ignoring feedback or becoming self-centered. Instead, it’s about recognizing that your worth is not dependent on anyone else’s opinion.

Letting go of the need for validation is a key step towards caring less about what others think and embracing your authentic self. And remember – it’s okay to value your own opinion above others’. After all, you’re the one who has to live with your choices.

2) Over-apologizing

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a close friend a few years back.

We were out for coffee, and I found myself apologizing for trivial things – the café was too crowded, my coffee took too long to arrive, I had chosen a bad day for the meetup.

My friend looked at me and said, “Why are you apologizing for things you have no control over?”

That was a wake-up call. I realized I had developed a habit of saying ‘sorry’ as an automatic response. It was part of an unconscious effort to avoid conflict and please others – even at the cost of my own self-esteem.

And you know what? Over-apologizing didn’t make me more likable. It just made me seem unsure and insecure.

So, I made a conscious decision to start apologizing less and standing up for myself more. It was uncomfortable at first, but over time, it’s helped me feel more confident and less bothered by other people’s opinions.

If you find yourself constantly saying ‘sorry’ for things that aren’t your fault, it might be time to take a step back and ask yourself why. Remember, it’s okay to occupy space in the world without feeling the need to apologize for it.

3) Comparing yourself to others

In today’s hyper-connected digital age, it’s easier than ever to compare ourselves to others. From social media feeds filled with carefully curated highlights, to success stories in the media, we’re constantly bombarded with images of people who seem to ‘have it all’.

But here’s the thing – research suggests that people who compare themselves to others are more likely to experience feelings of envy, low self-esteem and depression.

Comparisons rarely lead to anything positive. They usually just make us feel inadequate and unhappy with our own lives.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, try focusing on your own journey. Everyone has their own unique path, with its own set of challenges and victories. Celebrate your own progress and achievements, rather than measuring them against someone else’s.

4) Trying to please everyone

Let’s face it: it’s impossible to please everyone. No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who isn’t happy with your choices. That’s just part of life.

The problem arises when we start to let these opinions dictate our actions. If you’re constantly trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, you’ll never have time to focus on what truly matters to you.

Letting go of the need to please everyone can be a liberating experience. It allows you to focus on your own needs and desires, rather than constantly worrying about what others might think.

5) Dwelling on the past

It’s natural to reflect on the past and learn from our experiences. However, dwelling on past mistakes or missed opportunities can keep us stuck in a cycle of regret and self-blame.

Ruminating on the past not only affects our mental health, but it also prevents us from moving forward. We can’t change what has happened, but we can control how we react to it and what we do next.

If you’re spending a lot of time thinking about what you could have done differently, it might be time to shift your focus to the present and future.

6) Neglecting self-care

In our quest to be everything to everyone, we often neglect the most important person in our lives – ourselves. We push ourselves to the limit, sacrificing our own needs and wellbeing in the process.

But here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly giving to others without taking care of yourself, you’ll eventually burn out. And trust me, burnout isn’t pretty.

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. It’s about taking the time to recharge and nurture your body, mind, and spirit. It could be as simple as taking a walk in nature, reading a book, or enjoying a quiet cup of coffee by yourself.

7) Chasing perfection

There was a time when I thought the key to success and happiness was being perfect. I strived for perfection in everything I did, from my work to my relationships. But all it did was leave me feeling exhausted, stressed and never quite good enough.

Perfection is an illusion. It’s a standard that we set for ourselves that is both unrealistic and unattainable. No one is perfect. We all have flaws and make mistakes. That’s what makes us human.

Chasing perfection can actually hold us back from growth and self-improvement. It can prevent us from taking risks or trying new things out of fear of failure.

Learning to accept imperfection was one of the most liberating experiences for me. It allowed me to embrace my flaws, learn from my mistakes, and most importantly, stop worrying about what others think.

8) Avoiding confrontation

It’s human nature to avoid confrontation. It feels uncomfortable, and it’s often easier to keep the peace than to rock the boat. But consistently avoiding difficult conversations or conflicts can lead to resentment and misunderstanding.

Engaging in healthy confrontation doesn’t mean being aggressive or disrespectful. It’s about asserting your feelings and needs in a clear, calm manner. It’s about finding a resolution that respects both parties’ perspectives.

As we get older, we realize that confrontation is a part of life. It’s better to face it head on, rather than ignoring it and allowing the issue to grow.

9) Not embracing change

Change is a natural part of life. It’s how we grow, learn and evolve. But often, we resist change out of fear or uncertainty.

However, when we resist change, we limit our potential. We stay stuck in our comfort zones, unable to move forward or grow.

Embracing change means accepting that things won’t always stay the same. It means being open to new experiences, perspectives and opportunities. It means letting go of old habits and beliefs that no longer serve us.

So, don’t fear change. Embrace it. It’s the only way to truly grow and live life on your own terms. Remember, you are in control of your life and how you choose to live it is up to you.

Final thoughts: The journey to self-acceptance

The journey to caring less about what others think is, at its core, a journey towards self-acceptance.

It’s about acknowledging and embracing our strengths and weaknesses, our quirks and idiosyncrasies, our dreams and desires. It’s about realizing that we are enough, just as we are.

As we navigate this journey, it’s crucial to remember that it’s not about becoming immune to the opinions of others. It’s about assigning greater importance to our own viewpoints and feelings.