There’s a thin line between being nice and being too nice. Yes, you heard it right.

Being a people-pleaser can often lead you to neglect your own needs. It’s about constantly trying to make others happy, even at the cost of your own happiness.

The trick to breaking free from this cycle is to recognize and chuck out certain behaviors.

In this article, I’m going to share with you 8 such behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want to stop being a chronic people-pleaser. Trust me, it’s about time you put yourself first!

1) Saying yes, when you mean no

This is the big one, the telltale sign of a classic people-pleaser.

Often, in an effort to keep everyone around us content, we end up saying ‘yes’ to things we don’t really want to do. We convince ourselves that we’re just being accommodating, or flexible. But in reality, we’re sidelining our own needs and desires.

This constant ‘yes’ mantra is not only exhausting, but it’s also a fast-track ticket to burnout and resentment.

So, if you find yourself constantly nodding along and agreeing to everything, even when you’d rather not, it’s time to start practicing the art of saying ‘no’.

Don’t worry, it’s not about being rude or unkind. It’s about respecting your own boundaries and learning to prioritize your needs. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup!

2) Feeling guilty for prioritizing yourself

This one hits close to home. I used to struggle with this behavior a lot.

I remember a time when I’d feel guilty for even the smallest acts of self-care, like taking an hour off to read a book or scheduling a spa day. I lived under the impression that taking time for myself was selfish, especially when there were others who needed my attention and assistance.

But over time, I realized that there’s nothing wrong with putting myself first. Just like on an airplane, you need to secure your oxygen mask before assisting others.

It took me some time, but I finally understood that prioritizing my needs and wants wasn’t selfish, but necessary. If I couldn’t take care of myself, how could I take care of others?

So, if you’re always feeling guilty for putting yourself first, shake off that guilt. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential!

3) Avoiding conflict at all costs

People-pleasers have a knack for steering clear of conflicts. They’d rather swallow their opinions and feelings than risk an argument or disagreement.

But here’s something to ponder: did you know that constructive conflict can actually strengthen relationships? That’s right! It allows for open communication, understanding different viewpoints, and finding common ground.

Hence, avoiding conflict entirely isn’t the solution. Instead, learning how to express your disagreements respectfully and constructively is key. Remember, it’s okay to have different opinions. It doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable, it makes you human.

4) Over-apologizing

Do you find yourself saying “I’m sorry” for things that don’t require an apology? This is a common habit among people-pleasers. They tend to apologize for things beyond their control or for simply expressing their feelings or opinions.

Over-apologizing can dilute the meaning of your apologies and can also convey a lack of confidence in your actions.

So, the next time you find yourself about to apologize, pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “Did I actually do something wrong, or am I just saying sorry to avoid potential conflict?” If it’s the latter, hold back that apology. It’s okay to take up space and express your thoughts.

5) Putting everyone else’s needs before your own

Here’s a scenario that might seem all too familiar to you. You’re exhausted, you’ve had a long day, and all you want is to curl up with a good book or watch your favorite show. But then a friend calls, they need your help with something. And without a second thought, you’re on your feet, ready to assist.

Does that sound like you? It’s a common trait among people-pleasers – always putting the needs and wants of others before their own. It comes from a place of love and concern, but it can leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled.

It’s important to remember that it’s not selfish to prioritize your own needs. You matter just as much as anyone else. So don’t hesitate to take care of yourself and fulfill your own needs first. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about others, it just means you’re also taking care of yourself.

6) Seeking validation from others

I’ll be honest. For a long time, I relied heavily on the approval and praise of others to feel good about myself. Whether it was my work, my appearance, or my life choices, I constantly sought validation from those around me.

This behavior often stems from a fear of rejection or a desire to fit in. But the truth is, constantly seeking validation from others can be emotionally draining and can lead to low self-esteem.

It’s crucial to understand that your worth isn’t determined by the opinions of others. It’s okay to seek feedback, but don’t let others’ validation define your self-worth. Start acknowledging your own achievements and learn to validate yourself. Trust me, it’s liberating!

7) Fear of saying no

The fear of saying ‘no’ is a classic people-pleaser trait. Often, it stems from a worry of disappointing others or a fear of being perceived as rude or unkind.

But here’s the thing – ‘no’ is a complete sentence. It doesn’t require justification or explanation. You have every right to decline something that doesn’t align with your interests, values, or simply, your schedule.

Embrace the power of ‘no’ and remember that setting boundaries is a healthy practice. It’s a sign of self-respect and it allows you to maintain your mental and emotional well-being.

8) Neglecting self-care

In the quest to please others, it’s easy to neglect your own needs. You might skip meals, lose sleep, or ignore your emotional well-being. But remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Whether it’s taking time for a hobby, practicing mindfulness, or simply getting enough sleep, prioritize self-care. It’s the foundation of a balanced life and is essential for your physical and mental health. You deserve to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of others.