There’s a fine line between being considerate and being a people-pleaser.

The key lies in understanding. Being considerate involves respecting others’ feelings, but people-pleasing means disregarding your own needs to keep everyone else happy.

If you’re tired of playing the people-pleaser role, it’s time to bid farewell to some habits. And believe me, it’s easier than you think.

Here are s7 behaviors that you need to quit to stop being a people-pleaser. Let’s dive in.

1) Always saying yes

One of the most common traits of a people-pleaser is the inability to say no.

I get it. You don’t want to disappoint anyone. You want to be helpful, reliable, and liked. And in your head, saying ‘yes’ to everything seems to be the best way to do that.

But here’s the thing. Constantly agreeing to things that you don’t genuinely want or have time for isn’t being considerate or nice. It’s self-sacrifice.

And over time, this habit can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self-identity.

So, it’s time to start practicing the art of saying ‘no’. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but remember this – you’re not being selfish. You’re just prioritizing your own needs, which is perfectly okay.

2) Seeking validation

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself in this trap. Always seeking validation from others to feel worthy and accepted.

I remember once, I worked for weeks on a project at work, putting in extra hours and pouring my heart into it. But instead of feeling proud and satisfied when I finally submitted it, I felt anxious. I was desperately waiting for my boss’s approval, thinking that their opinion would define the success of my work.

But here’s what I’ve learned since then. Your worth is not determined by other people’s opinions. You don’t need external validation to feel good about yourself or your work.

Of course, constructive feedback is important for growth. But constantly seeking approval is a behavior that keeps you stuck in the people-pleasing loop.

3) Over-apologizing

Ever found yourself saying ‘sorry’ when someone bumps into you in a hallway? Or apologizing for things that are clearly not your fault? Welcome to the club of over-apologizers.

This behavior stems from a deep-seated need to avoid conflict and maintain harmony.

But here’s the thing. Over-apologizing can dilute the power of your apologies when they are genuinely needed. It can also impact your self-confidence and how others perceive you.

So, next time you find yourself about to utter an unnecessary ‘sorry’, pause. Replace it with ‘thank you’ if appropriate or simply let it go. You’re not responsible for everything that goes wrong around you.

4) Ignoring your own needs

This one’s a biggie. As a people-pleaser, it’s likely you’ve been neglecting your own needs in favor of others’.

Maybe you’ve been staying late at work to help a colleague, while sacrificing your own personal time. Or perhaps you’ve been accepting invitations to social events that you’d rather not attend, just to avoid disappointing someone.

This constant sacrifice can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment over time. You might even start feeling like you’re losing sight of who you are and what you truly want.

So, it’s time to start prioritizing yourself. Remember, self-care is not selfish. It’s okay, and necessary, to take care of your own needs.

5) Fear of confrontation

For a long time, I’d do anything to avoid confrontation. The mere thought of a potential disagreement or argument would send my anxiety skyrocketing.

Once, I ended up tolerating a friend’s disrespectful behavior for months, just because I was afraid of confronting her. I was scared that standing up for myself might lead to conflict and possibly end our friendship.

But what I’ve realized is that avoiding confrontation doesn’t solve problems; it just postpones them. And in the end, it only leads to more stress and discomfort.

Confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive or mean. It’s about expressing your feelings honestly and setting healthy boundaries. It’s okay to have a different opinion or to disagree with someone. 

6) Feeling responsible for others’ happiness

If you’re constantly going out of your way to make others happy, even at the cost of your own happiness, it’s time to rethink.

You might believe that it’s your duty to ensure everyone around you is content. But the truth is, you are not responsible for others’ happiness. Each individual is responsible for their own feelings and emotional wellbeing.

Taking on the emotional burden of others can be draining, and it’s unrealistic to think you can control how others feel.

So, allow yourself to let go of this responsibility. It’s okay to focus on your own happiness and wellbeing.

7) Inability to set boundaries

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s the importance of setting boundaries.

Boundaries are crucial for maintaining your mental and emotional health. They signal to others what you’re comfortable with and how you expect to be treated.

Without them, people might unknowingly cross lines, leading to feelings of resentment and frustration on your part.

Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable initially, especially if you’re afraid of disappointing others. But remember, it’s not only okay but necessary to protect your own wellbeing.