There’s a big difference between being a parent to small children and being a parent to adults.

The difference is all about respect. When your children are young, you decide for them – often without explaining your reasons. But once they’re adults, things change.

If you want to stay close to your grown children, it’s time to say goodbye to some of the old parenting habits. It’s about respecting their autonomy, while still being there for them.

In this article, we’ll explore 9 behaviors you should let go of if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your adult children.

Let’s dive in.

1) Overstepping boundaries

Respect for personal space is key in any relationship, but it’s especially critical when your children have grown up.

Adult children, like any other adult, have their own lives, make their own decisions, and set their own boundaries. Remember, they’re not kids anymore.

Crossing these boundaries can strain the relationship. Whether it’s dropping by unannounced, giving unsolicited advice or prying into their personal affairs – these are all examples of boundary violations.

If you want to maintain a close relationship with your adult children, it’s crucial that you understand and respect their boundaries.

Stepping back can be tough as a parent, but remember – your adult child’s independence is a sign that you’ve done a good job raising them. And respecting their autonomy can bring you even closer.

So take a step back, and see how your relationship with your adult children flourishes.

2) Being too judgmental

Here’s something I learned the hard way when my own children became adults.

I’ve always been a perfectionist. It served me well in my career, but not so much in my personal life, especially with my kids. I used to critique even the smallest mistakes they made – from how they spent their money to how they raised their own kids.

I thought I was helping them. But one day, my daughter told me how my constant judgement was making her feel inadequate and stressed. It was a wake-up call for me.

From that point on, I made a conscious effort to be less judgmental. If they asked for my advice, I gave it, but I stopped offering unsolicited criticism.

It took some time, but eventually, our relationship improved. They felt more comfortable sharing their lives with me without the fear of being judged.

This personal change taught me that if you want to stay close to your adult children, it’s essential to replace judgment with understanding and support.

3) Ignoring their interests

Did you know that the human brain doesn’t fully mature until the age of 25? This means that even as adults, your children are still developing their own unique interests and hobbies.

When you show genuine interest in their passions, it not only makes them feel valued, but also strengthens your bond. But if you dismiss or ignore their interests, it can create a distance between you both.

Make an effort to understand what they love, even if it’s something you’re not particularly interested in. You might be surprised at how much you can learn and grow from these experiences.

Remember, respect for their individuality is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship with your adult children. So next time they talk about their latest passion, listen attentively and show genuine interest. It could make all the difference.

4) Holding on to past mistakes

We’ve all made mistakes in life – and your adult children are no exception. But holding onto past mistakes and bringing them up repeatedly can be harmful to your relationship.

It’s important to remember that everyone grows and changes. The person who made that mistake years ago isn’t the same person today.

Instead of focusing on past errors, try to focus on the present and the future. Encourage them in their current pursuits, appreciate their progress, and acknowledge their achievements.

By letting go of past mistakes, you foster a relationship based on acceptance and respect, which is vital for staying close to your adult children.

5) Constantly offering advice

As a parent, it’s natural to want to guide your children through life. But there’s a fine line between offering valuable wisdom and becoming an unwelcome advisor.

When your children are adults, they’re capable of making their own decisions. Constantly offering advice, especially when it’s unsolicited, can make them feel like you don’t trust their judgment or respect their independence.

Instead, try to be a sounding board for their thoughts and ideas. Listen more than you speak and offer advice only when they ask for it.

This way, you’re supporting their autonomy while still maintaining your role as a parent – a delicate balance that’s crucial for maintaining closeness with your adult children.

6) Neglecting to express love

Sometimes, as our children grow up and become busy with their own lives, we forget the importance of expressing our love for them.

No matter how old your children are, they never outgrow the need to feel loved and cherished by their parents. In fact, a simple “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” can go a long way in maintaining a strong bond.

Remember to acknowledge their achievements and celebrate their milestones. Show interest in their lives and be there for them during both good times and bad.

Expressing your love doesn’t always have to be through words. It can be through actions too – like a warm hug, a surprise visit, or even a simple text message checking in on them.

By expressing your love consistently, you’re reminding your adult children that no matter how old they get, they will always have a special place in your heart.

7) Failing to apologize

There was a time when I stubbornly refused to apologize to my son after a heated argument. I believed that as the parent, I had the right to be assertive, even if it meant hurting his feelings.

But as days turned into weeks, I noticed a growing distance between us. That’s when I realized my mistake. Being a parent didn’t give me the right to hurt his feelings without apologizing.

I took the initiative, swallowed my pride and apologized. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Our relationship began to heal and grow stronger.

Apologies have a powerful way of mending bridges and restoring relationships. If you’ve wronged your adult child in any way, don’t hesitate to say sorry. It not only shows them that you respect their feelings, but also sets a great example of how to own up to mistakes.

8) Forgetting to listen

Listening is arguably one of the most important skills you can master as a parent, especially when your children are all grown up.

When your adult children share their thoughts, concerns or achievements with you, they’re not always looking for advice. Sometimes, they just want someone to listen.

By listening attentively, without interrupting or judging, you show them that their words matter to you. It makes them feel valued and understood.

So the next time your adult child wants to talk, take a moment to simply listen. Show empathy and understanding. You might be amazed at how this simple act can bring you closer together.

9) Not giving them space

The most essential thing to remember when maintaining a relationship with your adult children is the importance of giving them space.

As they mature, they will crave their own independence and need room to make their own decisions, learn from their own mistakes, and live life on their own terms.

Respect their need for space and privacy. Avoid smothering them with constant calls or visits, or taking up too much of their time.

Remember, a healthy relationship with your adult children isn’t about clinging to them, but about supporting them as they navigate their own journey. It’s about being there for them when they need you, while also giving them the freedom they need to grow.