Ever feel like people aren’t seeing the real you? 

In a world that often feels dominated by appearances and surface-level interactions, showing up as your authentic self can be a game-changer. Authenticity helps build stronger connections, fosters trust, and makes interactions more meaningful.

But often, being truly authentic isn’t just about “being yourself”—it also means letting go of certain behaviors that can make you seem less genuine. 

Today, we’ll explore six such habits that might be holding you back from coming across as the real, authentic you.

Ready to connect with others on a deeper level? Let’s dive in and uncover what to leave behind.

1) Being a people pleaser

As the poet John Lydgate once noted, “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time. ”

I learned this one the hard way.  I used to bend over backward to accommodate others, often at the expense of my own needs and desires.

I remember once agreeing to take up an additional project at work even though my plate was already full. I didn’t want to disappoint my boss, and so I found myself working late nights, stressed out and burnt out.

But guess what? In trying to please everyone else, I ended up displeasing the most important person – myself.

Being authentic means respecting your own boundaries. It means recognizing that it’s okay to say no when you need to and that it’s impossible to meet everyone’s expectations.

Take it from me, ditching the people-pleasing habit will not only bring you peace but also help you come across as more authentic and real.

2) Avoiding vulnerability

This is a big one. 

Vulnerability can feel incredibly tough—I know. But if you want to come across as authentic, it’s essential to let down your guard sometimes. 

Experts have backed this up time and time again, with none more notably than renowned researcher and author Brené Brown, who has said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”

Doesn’t get more clear-cut than that, right?

But why is vulnerability so key? 

Well, quite simply, when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we let others see us as we are—flaws, fears, and all. This creates space for genuine connection and understanding. Vulnerability helps us build trust with others, allowing them to see the real person behind the polished exterior.

Now, I’m not saying you need to pour your heart out to every Tom, Dick, and Harriet you meet. Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing; it’s about being honest and open when it matters.

Whether it’s admitting when you don’t know something or sharing a struggle you’re facing, embracing vulnerability lets people see the authentic you. And that’s where true connection begins.

3) Hiding your mistakes

We’ve all been there – made a mistake and felt the instinctive urge to hide it or cover it up. However, this behavior can stand in the way of our authenticity.

Did you know that the most successful Silicon Valley companies are said to celebrate failure? 

They understand that mistakes are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of effort, learning, and growth. It is through our mistakes that we learn and improve.

Embrace your mistakes, own up to them, and use them as stepping stones towards growth and improvement. This not only shows humility but also projects authenticity. 

4) Comparing yourself to others

How often do you find yourself looking at others’ lives, careers, or relationships and wondering if you measure up? 

Be honest. We all do it from time to time. I’ve certainly caught myself falling into the comparison trap, measuring my own progress against someone else’s highlight reel.

But here’s the thing: comparison is a fast track to feeling inadequate.

Constantly looking outward can distract us from our own growth and make it hard to see how far we’ve come. Worse yet, it can push us to strive for things that aren’t genuinely “us”—pursuing goals and ideals that don’t actually align with who we are.

As psychologist Jordan Peterson wisely advises in his bestselling book, 12 Rules for Life, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”

The only comparison that truly matters is with our past selves. By focusing on personal growth rather than keeping up with others, you can foster a sense of accomplishment and contentment. 

Authenticity thrives when you’re true to your own journey, not someone else’s.

5) Neglecting self-care

I know this one might seem a bit out of place but hear me out. 

There was a time in my life when I was so focused on my career, my family, and my social obligations that I forgot to take care of myself. I was running on empty, both physically and emotionally, and it began to take a toll on my authenticity.

Why?

Well, you see, when you’re exhausted, it’s hard to be true to yourself. You’re more likely to put on a facade, to go through the motions without truly engaging with others or with your own feelings.

That’s when I realized the importance of self-care. Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. 

When I started prioritizing my well-being – whether it was taking a walk in nature, reading a book, or simply getting enough sleep – I found that I was more present, more genuine, and more authentic.

Remember to take care of yourself. Your authenticity depends on it.

6) Loosening your values for gain

If you’re a regular reader here, you might know that I’m a fan of Stoic philosophy. 

One of my favorite quotes is a lesser-known one by Marcus Aurelius, who wrote in Meditations, “Never value as an advantage to yourself what will force you one day to break your word.”

If we’re honest, we all slip into this from time to time, too. 

Maybe it’s saying “yes” to a project you’re uncomfortable with just because it offers a tempting paycheck. Or perhaps it’s telling a small lie to secure a deal or gain approval. In moments like these, we compromise a part of ourselves for a temporary benefit.

But here’s the thing: loosening your values for short-term gain erodes trust—not only with others but with yourself. Each time we bend our principles, it becomes easier to do it again, chipping away at our integrity and authenticity.

Being authentic means standing firm in what you believe, even when it’s not the easiest option. 

Final thoughts: It’s about being true to yourself

And there you have it—six habits to let go of if you want to show up as your most authentic self. 

Authenticity isn’t just about saying “this is who I am”; it’s about living in alignment with your values, being honest with yourself and others, and embracing both your strengths and flaws.

Start small, make these shifts, and watch as your relationships deepen and your confidence grows. Here’s to connecting with others—and yourself—on a truly genuine level!