Imagine being on yet another date where you feel like you’re playing the same old games, not getting any closer to a real connection.

It’s exhausting, right?

The truth is, certain behaviors might be signaling to the wrong type of men—boys who aren’t emotionally ready for commitment. To attract real men who want substance, you need to let go of these patterns.

In this article, we’ll break down eight common behaviors that could be standing in your way of attracting the mature, committed relationship you deserve.

1) Playing hard to get

Ladies, we’ve all done it. The age-old tactic of playing hard to get to make ourselves seem more desirable.

But here’s the real deal. While this might work with boys who love the thrill of the chase, real men prefer honesty and authenticity.

Real men value communication and transparency, they appreciate a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to express it.

Playing hard to get might create a temporary sense of intrigue, but it often leads to confusion and miscommunication. And believe me, that’s not going to be a good foundation for a mature relationship.

If you’re looking for a real man, it’s time to retire this game. Instead, be open and genuine in your interactions. Real men are attracted to authenticity, not mind games.

2) Being overly dependent

Now, I’m the first to admit it, we all enjoy being taken care of from time to time. But there’s a fine line between enjoying a supportive partner and becoming overly dependent.

Real men are attracted to independent women who can hold their own. They appreciate a partner who has her own life, dreams, and ambitions.

Boys might enjoy being needed all the time, but real men value a woman who wants them but doesn’t need them for every little thing.

3) Settling for less

Too often, I see women settling for less than they deserve. And I have to admit, I’ve been there myself, too.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Real men don’t want you to settle – they want you to expect the best, from them and from yourself.

Your relationship should add value to your life, not become a compromise you have to constantly justify.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deep into why we sometimes find ourselves in a cycle of settling for less and how to break free from it.

Say goodbye to settling for less and hello to knowing your worth. Because you deserve a real man who sees your value and treats you with the respect and love you deserve.

4) Hiding your flaws

Here’s something that might surprise you. Many of us believe that the key to attracting a mate is to always put our best foot forward, to hide our flaws and present only our best side.

Now here’s the counterintuitive truth: Real men aren’t looking for perfection. They’re attracted to authenticity.

Boys might chase after the illusion of perfection, but real men understand and appreciate that no one is perfect.

Hiding your flaws might attract boys who are more interested in an idealized image than the real you, but real men want to see and love you for who you truly are — imperfections and all.

And you know what else is interesting? Studies show that individuals who are high in authenticity have good long-term relationship outcomes.

That’s as clear a sign as you can get that being yourself will always bring you more happiness! 

This brings me to the next point…

5) Pretending to be someone you’re not

Not only is this exhausting, it’s also counterproductive.

I remember a time when I tried to mold myself into the person I thought my partner wanted me to be.

Unfortunately, it didn’t really accomplish anything. It merely left me feeling drained and unhappy, and it certainly didn’t make my relationship any stronger.

Like I said earlier, real men are attracted to authenticity. They want a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and who isn’t afraid to be herself. They appreciate honesty and authenticity far more than an act.

When we pretend to be someone we’re not, we attract people who are attracted to that facade, not the real us.

So let’s stop pretending and start being true to ourselves. Because being true to who we are is the best way to attract a partner who loves us for us.

6) Ignoring your own needs

This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary. Too often, in our quest to please others, we end up ignoring our own needs.

We silence our own voices, push our desires to the back burner, and compromise on our boundaries. And in doing so, we lose a part of ourselves.

And that’s a shame, because real men don’t want a partner who loses herself in the relationship. They want a woman who knows her worth, stands her ground, and isn’t afraid to express her needs and desires.

Ignoring your own needs might attract boys who are only interested in their own satisfaction. But real men? They want a partner who values herself as much as she values the relationship.

7) Over-apologizing

How many times have you said sorry for things that don’t require an apology? I can tell you from personal experience, it’s a habit many of us fall into without even realizing it.

While apologies are necessary when we make mistakes or cause harm, over-apologizing can send the message that we’re constantly in the wrong or that our feelings and opinions are less valid.

Boys might see this as an opportunity to exert control or dominance, but real men respect women who stand their ground. 

It’s time to say goodbye to unnecessary apologies and hello to assertiveness.

Real men appreciate a woman who acknowledges her worth and isn’t afraid to express herself without needless apologies. 

8) Putting up with disrespect

This is a tough one, but it’s vital to address. No woman should ever tolerate disrespect, no matter the circumstance.

Yet, many of us have found ourselves in situations where we let disrespectful behavior slide, whether it’s to keep the peace, avoid confrontation, or out of fear that standing up for ourselves might jeopardize the relationship.

Unfortunately, allowing this type of behavior creates a pattern where disrespect becomes normalized, eroding self-worth and setting the tone for future interactions.

Real men, those who are emotionally mature and ready for a healthy relationship, respect boundaries and value communication.

As Bishop Desmond Tutu once said, “Real men treat women with respect and kindness, and never resort to violence or intimidation.” 

By no longer accepting disrespect, you make room for a partner who will treat you with the kindness and consideration you deserve.

It’s not about losing a relationship—it’s about gaining one that’s rooted in mutual respect.

Final thoughts

Attracting real men, not boys, starts with setting higher standards for yourself and your relationships.

By letting go of the behaviors on this list, you open yourself up to deeper, more meaningful connections with people who value authenticity and mutual respect.

Real men are drawn to women who know their worth, are confident in who they are, and aren’t afraid to demand the same from their partners.

The shift may feel challenging at first, but by cutting out these toxic behaviors, you’ll be well on your way to attracting the kind of mature, fulfilling relationship you truly deserve.

For more insights and advice on building healthier relationships, I invite you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Here’s to empowering ourselves and attracting the love we deserve.