I’ll be honest: when it comes to raising good kids, you only truly have one shot… so please, don’t take it for granted. 

When you decide to have a kid, in theory, it should be assumed that you’re ready to take on the role of the responsible, supportive parent. 

The sad reality, though, is that most people have kids just for the sake of it. 

They remain unprepared to be a parent, don’t realize the gravity of the undertaking, and barely take tangible steps to fix this. 

What results is often an ill-prepared child to deal with the world, often with a litany of personal and psychological issues so ingrained in them, that throughout their life they have to play catch up. 

Simply put, that’s not fair to them. 

In this article, I’ll take the behaviors that you need to let go of, if you want your kids to turn out respectful and kind. 

Let’s get to it!

1) Yelling and harsh discipline

This isn’t 1975 anymore. 

The era of being the authoritarian parent just isn’t in vogue these days… and for good reason. 

You shouldn’t have to resort to trying to instill fear in your child to get them to be obedient. 

So things like raising your voice or overly harsh punishments need to go. 

Always opt for a more respectful approach… one where calmness, consistency, and fairness are top of mind. 

Avoid sarcastic or negative humor; use positive and constructive language.

I grew up in a harsh family; one where any minor, mundane childish mistake was met with harsh condemnation and shouting.

Hence, I grew up with almost zero self-belief, thinking I was perpetually in the wrong, incapable of being right. 

I was always dismissed as the Bart Simpson of the family, the good-for-nothing troublemaker.  

For much of my youth and even adulthood, I believed these limiting labels placed on me. 

These feelings were so powerful that it was debilitating for me, affecting my relationships, my performance in school, my level of happiness as a kid, and eventually a teenager, and so on. 

I seemed like a shy and withdrawn youngster, but in reality, my self-worth was just in the gutter. 

2) Neglecting emotional needs 

During their formative years, all kids need warmth; all kids need tenderness and affection; all kids need to be hugged. 

If you want your child to grow up emotionally healthy and stable, they need to learn these behaviors from early on in life. 

Listen to your kids; make them feel heard. 

Make your time together count. 

Not only were my parents harsh, but they were pretty cold too. 

Sure, they loved me and all that, but still, I was never truly made to feel this way. 

I come from a long line of emotionally cold, unexpressive people. 

I come from people who are incapable, and perhaps afraid, of being vulnerable. 

In the context of raising a kid, ignoring or dismissing a child’s feelings and emotional needs will lead them to feel undervalued and unwanted… and hence, chances are, they’ll turn out quite frigid themselves. 

If this sounds familiar, break the cycle; make it a point to show empathy and validate your child–practices that will always go a long way.  

3) Modeling disrespectful behavior 

Children, being genetically impressionable, tend to learn by example. 

They learn from watching and observing you, their parent and role model.  

For better or worse, it’s natural for them to emulate your behaviors. 

Being a parent, you need to always be mindful of the latter. 

Prioritize respect and kindness in your interactions with others, particularly when your kid is there to witness this. 

If you constantly berate and belittle people, from the store clerk to the waiter to your relatives or friends, your child will end up doing the same; they’ll inherit a similar temperament and outlook. 

And the opposite is true: if you’re always kind and respectful, then expect your child to end up the same. 

The ball is in your court. 

4) Over-praising 

This one is particularly common in first-born kids. 

After all, when you’re a new parent, the tendency is to often feel excited, even overzealous, at the prospect of bringing a child into this world.  

This enthusiasm means you’ll often overly coddle, and overly-praise your child.

When prolonged, this can lead to entitlement in your kid. 

They’ll be overconfident, thinking they’re incapable of being wrong–a sentiment that typically will extend well into adulthood. 

Never being told “no”, and thinking you’re the center of the universe, is bound to annoy a few people when you’re fully grown. 

When it comes to raising a good kid, it’s all about balance. 

Focus on praising and giving compliments towards effort and improvement rather than just innate abilities.  

5) Ignoring bad behavior 

The bottom line is that the vast majority of children still need some discipline in one form or another.

If they’re left to act with impunity, never being reprimanded for their inevitable wrongs in life, they’ll grow up carrying this mentality. 

Remember, balance. 

You don’t have to be the “bad cop” all the time; but you do have to have the fortitude to put your foot down every so often, even if it’s not in your nature. 

When your kid steps out of line, say by acting disrespectfully or being unkind towards others, you have to address these issues immediately, gently outlining why their behavior is unacceptable. 

Thorough communication is a massive deal if you want to be a good parent. 

6) Overprotecting

Here’s the thing: you have to let your child fall and get up on their own once in a while. 

After all, there’s no better teacher in the world than making mistakes. 

Once you become overprotective, shielding your kid from all the challenges and harsh realities of the world, you’re doing them a major disservice. 

Ultimately, you have to learn to let go… for the kid’s benefit. 

You want to raise kids with empathy and resilience, rather than perpetual fear and apprehension. 

Let them face and overcome difficulties in life without you always bailing them out. 

After all, when they’re fully grown, they’ll need a strong foundation to tackle life–something that is mostly developed during childhood. 

Final words 

Remember, the perfect parent doesn’t exist. 

Take the contents of this article as guidelines rather than strict rules. 

If you slip up on occasion, don’t dwell on it. Come back stronger. 

What matters is you’re trying, and you’re taking your job as a parent seriously.

If you keep embracing parenthood, at the end of the day, your kid will turn out just fine. You got this.