If you want to maintain the admiration of your children as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Farley Ledgerwood by Farley Ledgerwood | October 8, 2024, 9:01 am

Every parent wants to be admired by their children, especially as they grow older and more independent. But admiration isn’t guaranteed—it’s something we earn through our actions and behaviors.

Unfortunately, some habits that might seem harmless can erode that admiration over time, creating distance and misunderstanding between you and your kids.

Today, we dive into seven such behaviors you should say goodbye to. How many of these habits are holding you back?

Let’s find out.

1) The ‘because I said so’ approach

I think every parent has fallen into the trap of using “because I said so” as an answer to a child’s question. It’s quick, it’s easy, and in the moment, it feels like a surefire way to assert authority.

But here’s the problem—it shuts down communication and breeds resentment. Children, especially as they get older, crave understanding and logic.

When their curiosity or concerns are met with a brick wall of authority, they begin to feel unheard and undervalued.

Asking “Why?” isn’t an act of rebellion—it’s a way for kids to learn.

If the response is always “because I said so,” they’ll either stop asking or start tuning you out, neither of which fosters the kind of respect you’re looking for.

Open discussions, even when they’re uncomfortable or inconvenient, build trust.

Instead of defaulting to this phrase, take a moment to explain your reasoning. You don’t need to launch into a full debate, but offering a clear, simple explanation shows that you respect their intelligence.

Plus, it sets an example for how they can approach conflicts in the future—with reason, not just authority.

2) Playing the comparison game

There’s a certain temptation, especially as a parent, to compare your child to others. I’ve been there myself.

I remember my son’s first soccer game. He was nervous, fumbled a lot, and didn’t score a single goal. Watching from the sidelines, I saw other children his age dribbling and scoring effortlessly.

At that moment, it was tempting to say, “Look at Johnny. He’s scoring goals. Why can’t you do the same?” But I held back.

Why? Because I know that comparison isn’t the answer.

Comparing your child to others only breeds resentment and erodes self-esteem. It tells them that they aren’t good enough as they are.

Instead of comparing, I decided to encourage my son. I praised his efforts and reassured him that with practice, he would improve.

And guess what? He did improve.

And more importantly, he knew he had my full support and admiration, regardless of how many goals he scored.

3) Overprotecting

In an increasingly unpredictable world, it’s natural for parents to want to shield their children from harm. But there’s a fine line between protection and overprotection.

The dangers of this are widely noted by experts.

For instance, in a Psychology Today post, Psychotherapist Padraic Gibson called this “The Golden Cage Of Parenting” and noted that children “when overparented, often harbour a grave mistrust in those around them and in their own capabilities.”

The takeaway?

Instead of always rushing to save the day, let your child navigate through some of life’s challenges on their own.

This doesn’t mean leaving them exposed to serious harm, but allowing them small, manageable risks that can teach valuable lessons.

Saying goodbye to overprotective tendencies not only fosters independence in your children but also ensures they continue to respect and admire you as they grow older.

4) Neglecting self-care

As parents, we often put our children’s needs before our own. While this is admirable, it’s essential to remember that self-care isn’t selfish.

As noted by the folks at Psych Central, when you neglect your well-being, it can lead to low energy and less patience with your children.

Children are perceptive; they pick up on these feelings.

Moreover, your behavior sets an example for your children. If they see you neglecting your needs, they may grow up believing that self-neglect is a normal part of adulthood.

Instead, show them that taking care of oneself is a priority. Engage in activities you love, take time to relax and recharge, and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

5) Ignoring emotions

I probably don’t have to tell you that kids have big feelings. Sometimes they’re happy, sometimes they’re sad, and sometimes they’re angry.

It’s a rollercoaster ride.

However, one of the worst mistakes a parent can make is to ignore or dismiss those emotions.

When you brush off their feelings with statements like “It’s not that bad” or “Stop crying,” you’re sending a message that their emotions are irrelevant or overblown.

Worse yet, as noted by experts like Dr. Annie Tanasugarn, a doctor of psychology, “Childhood invalidation can lead to later feelings of insecurity, deep depression, and an unstable sense of self-identity.”

Kids need to feel heard and understood. By acknowledging their feelings—even when they seem exaggerated—you help them process those emotions in a healthy way.

Ignoring them doesn’t make those feelings go away; it just teaches them to suppress them. And suppressed emotions have a habit of coming back stronger later in life.

6) Breaking promises

Ever told your child you’d do something, only to forget or brush it off later? How did they react?

Chances are, they didn’t forget as easily as you did.

Breaking promises, even small ones can chip away at the trust your children have in you.

It might seem harmless in the moment—”We’ll go to the park tomorrow” or “I’ll help you with that later”—but when those promises aren’t kept, kids start to feel like they can’t count on you.

Promises create a sense of security. They teach kids that your word has weight and that they can rely on you when you say you’ll do something.

Repeatedly breaking promises, however, tells them the opposite—that your words are flexible and not worth much.

Over time, this damages not only their trust in you but also their sense of stability and safety.

It’s important to recognize that you don’t have to promise everything. If you’re not sure you can commit, don’t make the promise in the first place.

Honesty, even about your limitations, shows your child that they can trust what you say.

And if life happens and you can’t keep a promise, own it. Apologize and explain the situation—it shows respect and reinforces that promises are not meant to be broken lightly

7) Not acknowledging mistakes

Nobody is perfect, and that includes parents. We all make mistakes, and I’ve certainly made my fair share.

There was a time when I lost my temper with my daughter over something trivial. I saw the hurt in her eyes, and I immediately regretted my actions.

Instead of brushing it under the rug, I apologized to her. I admitted that I was wrong to react that way and promised to handle things differently in the future.

Acknowledging our mistakes to our children shows them that we’re human and prone to errors, just like them. It teaches them the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and the power of an apology.

Final thoughts: The art of letting go

When it comes to maintaining your children’s admiration as they grow older, your actions speak louder than your words.

The habits we’ve discussed—whether it’s shutting down communication with “because I said so,” dismissing their emotions, or breaking promises—can slowly erode the bond of trust and respect between you and your kids.

The good news? It’s never too late to make a change.

By actively listening, explaining your reasoning, keeping your promises, and respecting their feelings, you’ll not only strengthen your relationship but also set an example of integrity, empathy, and reliability.

These small, consistent changes will foster deeper connections and help your children grow into adults who admire not just what you’ve done for them, but the kind of person you are.

At the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present, honest, and intentional. Your kids are watching and learning from you—make sure they’re learning the right lessons.