Navigating the parent-adult child relationship can be a tricky business.

It’s about striking the perfect balance. You want to be supportive, but not overbearing. Helpful, but not intrusive.

As parents, we might unknowingly indulge in certain behaviors that can strain our bonds with our grown-up kids.

But here’s the good news: with a little awareness and change, we can avoid these pitfalls.

In this article, we’ll delve into the 8 behaviors you need to drop to keep your relationship with your adult children strong and healthy. So let’s get started, shall we?

1) Being too controlling

In the journey of parenting, it’s essential to let go of the reins at times.

Remember, your children are adults now. They are capable of making their own decisions, and sometimes, they might even surprise you with their wisdom.

Being too controlling or trying to dictate their lives only creates resentment. It’s like a pushback against their personal growth and independence.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t share your wisdom or advice. But there’s a fine line between guiding and dictating.

The key is to offer your insights in a supportive way, understanding that they have the final say in their life decisions.

Letting go of this controlling behavior can significantly strengthen your bond with your adult children. After all, respect for personal choices forms the foundation of any strong relationship.

Remember, it’s not about relinquishing your role as a parent, but transitioning into a new phase of parenthood where your grown-up child is also your friend.

2) Overstepping boundaries

Ah, boundaries. They can be a bit of a sensitive topic, can’t they?

I remember dropping by my daughter’s apartment unannounced one weekend. I thought it was just a sweet surprise. But in reality, it caused her stress because she had plans that day which she had to cancel at the last minute because of my unplanned visit.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Just because she’s my child doesn’t mean I have free reign over her time and space.

It’s important to respect your adult children’s personal boundaries – their time, their space, their privacy. This includes not visiting without prior notice or going through their personal stuff.

Respecting boundaries shows that you acknowledge your adult children as independent individuals. It fosters mutual respect and trust – the bedrock of any strong relationship.

It took my little misstep to learn this, but I’m glad I did. Our relationship is all the better for it.

3) Constantly offering unsolicited advice

Did you know that according to a study, parents offering unsolicited advice to their adult children is one of the biggest causes of tension in their relationship?

It’s true. While your intention might be to help your child avoid mistakes, constantly doling out advice can make them feel like you don’t trust their judgment or abilities.

It’s crucial to remember that your grown-up children have their own set of experiences and perspectives. They are capable of making their own decisions and learning from their mistakes.

So, next time you feel the urge to offer advice without being asked, take a step back. Instead, ask if they’re open to hearing your thoughts.

This simple change can make a significant difference in how your advice is received and can foster a more open and positive relationship.

4) Comparing them to others

Comparisons can be a slippery slope.

While it might seem like a good idea to highlight the achievements of others as a source of inspiration, it can also create feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt in your adult children.

Each individual is on their own unique journey, with their own set of strengths and struggles. Comparing your child’s life or achievements to that of their siblings, cousins, or your friends’ kids, can lead to resentment and damage your relationship.

Instead, celebrate your child’s individuality and unique accomplishments. Encouraging them to be the best version of themselves, rather than like someone else, will not only boost their self-esteem but also deepen your bond with them.

5) Not listening wholeheartedly

Sometimes, all your adult child needs is an empathetic ear.

There have been countless times when my children have shared their struggles or achievements, and rather than simply listening, I’ve jumped in with my thoughts, advice, or even started sharing a related story of my own.

It took me a while to realize that what they really wanted was for me to listen – really listen – to understand their experiences and emotions. To be there for them, present in the moment, absorbing their words without interruption or judgment.

When your adult child shares something with you, make sure you’re not just hearing their words but also understanding their feelings. Let them know that you’re there for them, no matter what.

This kind of heartfelt listening can create a safe space for open communication and strengthen your bond like nothing else. It can make your adult child feel seen, heard, and profoundly loved.

6) Failing to acknowledge their adulthood

I still remember the day my son sat me down and told me he was moving in with his girlfriend. My immediate reaction was to protest, to tell him he wasn’t ready for such a big step. But as I looked into his eyes, I saw the determination and maturity that I had been overlooking.

As parents, it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that our little ones have grown up. We often continue to treat them as kids long after they’ve transitioned into adulthood. But doing so can belittle their experiences and invalidate their adult status.

Respecting their adulthood means acknowledging their autonomy and supporting their decisions, even if you might not agree with them entirely. This shift in perspective can go a long way in maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship with your adult children.

7) Neglecting yourself

This might come as a surprise, but neglecting your own well-being can actually impact your relationship with your adult children.

It’s natural for parents to put their children’s needs before their own. But remember, self-care is not selfish. In fact, taking care of your physical and emotional health allows you to be the best parent you can be, regardless of your child’s age.

When you neglect your own needs, it can lead to stress, resentment, and even health issues – all of which can strain your relationship with your children.

So don’t forget to invest time in activities that bring you joy and rejuvenation. This not only sets a positive example for your adult children but also ensures that your interactions with them are healthier and more enjoyable.

8) Holding onto past mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes – parents included. It’s part of our shared human experience.

Holding onto past mistakes – yours or your children’s – can create a heavy burden that weighs down your relationship. It can lead to feelings of guilt, resentment, and regret.

The most important thing is to learn from these missteps, forgive, and let go. This allows both you and your adult child to move forward with a clean slate, opening up space for growth, understanding, and connection.

After all, maintaining strong bonds with your adult children isn’t about being a perfect parent. It’s about being a loving, understanding, and supportive one.