Self-respect — it’s something we all aspire to have, but it can often be compromised by our people-pleasing tendencies.

You may not even realize that your habits of trying to make everyone happy are chipping away at your self-respect.

Believe me, I’ve been there too. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you finally understand that you’ve been sacrificing your own needs and values for the sake of others’ approval.

But remember, it’s never too late to drop these self-diminishing habits and reclaim your self-respect.

In this article, I’m going to reveal 9 people-pleasing behaviors that you need to say goodbye to if you want to maintain your self-respect.

Get ready for a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. 

After all, your self-respect is worth fighting for.

1) You’re constantly saying “yes”

In the world of self-respect, knowing when to say “no” can be a game-changer.

Have you found yourself agreeing to tasks or commitments that you’d rather not be a part of? It’s a common scenario when you’re stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing.

Understand this. Every time you agree to something that goes against your true desires or values, you’re compromising your self-respect. You’re essentially prioritizing others’ happiness over your own.

But remember this isn’t about being selfish. It’s about setting boundaries and respecting your own needs and limitations. Saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person; it simply shows that you value your time, energy, and self-worth.

If you’re frequently saying “yes” out of obligation or fear of disappointing others, it’s time to reassess. This habit may seem harmless on the surface, but it’s subtly eroding your self-respect.

It’s time to break free from this pattern and learn the art of saying “no”. Start small if you need to, but start nonetheless. Your self-respect will thank you for it.

2) You’re often plagued by guilt

Most of us experience this emotion at some point in our lives. It’s that uncomfortable feeling you get when you think you’ve done something wrong or failed to live up to your own standards or those of others.

Sounds familiar, right?

Well, in the context of people-pleasing, guilt takes on a whole new level. You feel guilty for saying “no”, for not meeting someone’s expectations, or even for taking time for yourself.

But here’s the thing. Guilt, in this case, is often misplaced. You’re not doing anything wrong by prioritizing your own needs or setting boundaries. In fact, it’s absolutely necessary for maintaining your self-respect.

So if you find yourself frequently weighed down by guilt for not pleasing others, it’s time to pause and reflect. This guilt is not a sign that you’re failing others. 

It’s an indication that you might be failing yourself by not respecting your own needs and boundaries.

It’s critical to differentiate between genuine remorse for a mistake and guilt imposed by your people-pleasing tendencies. Understanding this difference is a crucial step towards preserving your self-respect.

3) You’re constantly apologizing

Now, let’s take a step further from the guilt we just talked about.

Every coin has two sides, and in the case of guilt that stems from people-pleasing, the flip side is over-apologizing.

Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a sign of maturity and respect for others. However, when “I’m sorry” becomes your default response — even when there’s nothing to apologize for — it might be a sign of a deeply ingrained people-pleasing habit.

Think about it. Do you often say sorry for things that are out of your control or even for simply expressing your opinion? If the answer is yes, it’s time to reevaluate.

Contrary to what one might think, over-apologizing doesn’t make you more likable or respectful. Instead, it can make you seem less confident and can diminish your self-respect.

So while it might seem counter-intuitive, reducing unnecessary apologies is not about being unkind or arrogant. 

It’s about valuing your own feelings, opinions, and experiences as much as those of others. It’s about maintaining your self-respect.

4) You’re always trying to avoid conflict

Ever find yourself going to great lengths just to avoid a disagreement or confrontation?

Keeping the peace at all costs often seems like the easiest route to take. It’s easier to agree, to suppress your own feelings and opinions, than to risk conflict, right?

Wrong.

While it might seem counterproductive, avoiding conflict at all costs can actually create more problems than it solves. It can lead to resentment, stress, and loss of self-respect.

Remember that conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it can lead to growth, deeper understanding, and improved relationships when handled with respect and open communication.

So if you’re constantly sidestepping conflict in favor of pleasing others, it’s time for a change. Learn to voice your opinions and assert your needs — even if it means stirring up a little debate.

Because ultimately, preserving your self-respect is far more important than avoiding temporary discomfort.

5) You’re neglecting your own needs

When you’re constantly focused on fulfilling the wants and needs of others, it’s easy to lose sight of your own.

This can manifest in several ways:

• Putting off your own tasks to help others
• Ignoring your physical and mental health
• Not setting aside time for self-care
• Compromising on your dreams and goals

Neglecting your own needs is a direct assault on your self-respect.

It’s crucial to remember that it is not selfish to look after yourself. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

6) You’re always seeking validation

Now, let’s delve into something that I believe hits close to home for many of us: the constant need for validation.

We all like to feel appreciated and valued. It’s a basic human desire. But when we start relying on others for validation, it can quickly become a slippery slope towards losing our self-respect.

I’ve been there, constantly seeking approval and affirmation from others to feel worthy. But, let me tell you, it’s exhausting and unfulfilling.

Let’s be clear here. Self-respect comes from within. It’s about knowing your worth and not needing others to confirm it.

If you find yourself constantly seeking validation, remember this: Your worth is not determined by how others perceive you but by how you perceive yourself.

To maintain your self-respect, start validating yourself. Celebrate your achievements, however small they may seem. Acknowledge your strengths and work on your weaknesses. It’s a journey worth embarking on.

7) You’re setting unrealistic standards for yourself

Imagine this. You’ve just been assigned a new project at work. You’re swamped with previous commitments, but you still promise to deliver exceptional results in a short period. Why? Because you don’t want to disappoint your boss, or seem incompetent.

Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

This is a classic example of setting unrealistic standards for yourself, a common trait in people-pleasers.

In an attempt to please others, you might be setting the bar too high for yourself. The constant pressure to exceed expectations can lead to burnout and adversely impact your self-respect.

Are you always pushing yourself to be the ‘best’ at everything? Do you feel like a failure if you’re not ‘perfect’?

If so, it’s time for some self-reflection. Remember, it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to set realistic expectations and to ask for help when needed.

Maintaining your self-respect means recognizing your limits and being kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned.

8) You’re not expressing your true feelings

Here’s a personal anecdote for you.

A few years ago, I found myself in a situation where I was constantly agreeing with my friends, even when my true feelings were the polar opposite. I thought agreeing with them would make me more likable, but all it did was make me feel invisible and unheard.

Can you relate?

Not expressing your true feelings is a common trait among people-pleasers. You might hide your feelings or opinions out of fear of upsetting others or causing disagreement.

But by doing this, you’re silencing your own voice and tarnishing your self-respect.

Your feelings are valid. Your opinions matter. And expressing them does not make you difficult or disagreeable. It makes you authentic.

9) You’re always putting others first

Here we are, at the final, and perhaps most crucial sign that you’re slipping into people-pleasing habits: always putting others first.

Prioritizing others over yourself may seem noble on the surface. But when it’s at the cost of your own well-being, dreams, and self-respect, it’s a clear indicator that something needs to change.

If you’re always putting others’ needs before your own, if you’re sacrificing your personal happiness and fulfillment for the sake of others, it’s time to take a step back.

Maintaining self-respect means acknowledging that your needs and desires are just as important as anyone else’s. It’s about striking a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.

Because at the end of the day, you can’t pour from an empty cup. And you certainly can’t respect others if you don’t respect yourself first.

What’s next in your journey towards self-respect?

So, you’ve identified some people-pleasing habits that may be chipping away at your self-respect. The question now is, what’s next?

Here are a few suggestions that may help:

• Start practicing assertiveness: Learn to express your thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully.
• Work on self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you extend to others.
• Practice self-care: Remember, it’s not selfish to take care of your own needs.

Recognizing and addressing these habits is already a big step towards reclaiming your self-respect.

Change takes time. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey towards greater self-respect.

Reflect on this: Are you ready to say goodbye to people-pleasing and hello to a stronger, more self-respecting you?