If you want to live a truly happy life, say goodbye to these 10 attachments
Happiness, in essence, is a choice. But sometimes, the things we’re attached to hold us back from experiencing true joy.
I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a student of mindfulness and Buddhism. I’ve learned that to truly be happy, sometimes we have to let go.
The problem is, some of these attachments are so ingrained in us that we hardly even notice them.
But these can be the very things that prevent us from finding true happiness.
In this article, I want to share with you the 10 attachments you might need to say goodbye to if you’re in search of genuine happiness.
Trust me, it might be hard, but it’s worth it.
1) Attachment to material possessions
So often, we tie our happiness to the things we own. The latest gadget, a bigger house, or a fancy car. But here’s the thing I’ve learned through mindfulness and Buddhism: these material possessions are fleeting.
Sure, they might bring temporary joy, but they can’t provide us with lasting happiness. The moment you have what you desired, you start wanting something else. It’s a never-ending cycle.
True happiness doesn’t lie in possessions but in experiences, relationships, and inner peace. Letting go of your attachment to material things can be liberating and pave the way for a truly happy life.
Things don’t bring happiness; they’re just things. It’s how you live your life and the relationships you build that truly matter.
2) Attachment to the past
We’ve all been there: holding onto past mistakes, dwelling on old regrets, or living in nostalgia. But the past, as they say, is a different country; they do things differently there.
As someone who’s been practicing mindfulness for years, I can tell you this: dwelling on the past can suck the happiness out of your present.
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”
Living in the now is a fundamental principle of mindfulness.
Letting go of your attachment to the past allows you to fully experience and appreciate the present.
Acknowledge your past, learn from it, but don’t let it hold you captive. The present moment is where happiness truly lives.
3) Attachment to ego
This one hits close to home. Like many of us, I’ve often found myself driven by ego – the need to be the best, the smartest, or the most successful. But let me tell you, it’s exhausting and does little for your happiness.
Ego often leads us to compare ourselves with others and leaves us feeling inadequate or unsatisfied. It’s a constant battle that can drain your joy.
In my book, , I delve into this concept in depth.
The key is to let go of your attachment to ego. Replace comparison with compassion, competition with collaboration. Realize that your worth isn’t determined by external accomplishments but by your inner values and actions.
Saying goodbye to ego doesn’t mean you stop striving for excellence. It just means you strive for it for the right reasons – not to feed your ego, but to contribute positively and find personal fulfilment.
4) Attachment to perfection
Here’s the bitter truth: perfection is an illusion. Chasing it can lead to frustration, self-criticism, and unhappiness. I’ve been down that road, and believe me, it doesn’t lead to joy.
As Leonard Cohen famously said, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
Rather than striving for perfection, embrace your flaws. They make you uniquely you.
Make peace with the fact that you’re a work in progress, as we all are.
Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for growth and improvement. Celebrate your small victories and learn from your mistakes.
This shift in perspective can do wonders for your happiness.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being perfectly you.
5) Attachment to societal expectations
We’ve all felt the pressure to conform to societal norms and expectations. But trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t align with who you are can leave you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.
I remember a time when I tried to live up to everyone else’s expectations of success. It was a draining experience that led me away from my true self.
Understanding who you are and what you value is crucial to your happiness. It’s about knowing your worth and not letting others dictate your life.
To help with this, Life Transition coach Jeanette Brown has developed a wonderful Defining Your Values Exercise. This exercise guides you in identifying your core values, helping you live in alignment with what truly matters to you.
6) Attachment to control
Life is unpredictable, and that’s what makes it interesting. But too often, we get caught up in trying to control every little detail.
Attempting to micromanage everything can lead to stress and unhappiness. It’s simply not possible (or healthy) to control everything.
Instead, focus on what you can control – your actions and reactions. Let go of the rest. Accept that some things are beyond your grasp.
Start small. Practice letting go of control in minor areas of your life first, and gradually work your way up. You’ll be surprised at how liberating it feels.
Llife isn’t about controlling every outcome. It’s about enjoying the journey and learning from the twists and turns along the way.
7) Attachment to constant busyness
In our fast-paced world, being constantly busy has somehow become a badge of honor. But as someone who practices mindfulness, I’ve realized that busyness often distracts us from truly experiencing life.
When we’re constantly rushing from one task to another, we barely have time to pause, breathe, and appreciate the present moment. And isn’t that where true happiness lies – in the now?
Mindfulness teaches us the value of stillness. So try to carve out pockets of calm in your day. Spend a few quiet moments with your thoughts, take a leisurely walk, or simply sit and enjoy your surroundings.
Slow down, embrace the stillness, and let life unfold at its own pace.
8) Attachment to negative thinking
Negative thinking can be a significant roadblock to happiness. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of focusing on what’s wrong instead of appreciating what’s right.
As Oprah Winfrey once stated, “The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
Breaking free from negative thinking starts with becoming aware of your thought patterns. Once you recognize them, you can start to challenge and change them.
Instead of dwelling on the negatives, try to find the silver lining in every situation. Practice gratitude daily. And remember, it’s okay to have bad days. They’re just part of the journey.
By saying goodbye to negative thinking, you open the door to positivity and happiness. It’s a process, but it’s worth every effort.
9) Attachment to happiness itself
Now, this might seem counterintuitive, but hear me out. Sometimes, our pursuit of happiness can make us unhappy. It’s something I’ve experienced firsthand.
You see, when we attach our happiness to specific outcomes or milestones, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Life is unpredictable and doesn’t always go as planned.
Instead of chasing happiness, focus on living a meaningful life. Engage in activities that bring you joy, foster positive relationships, and contribute to the world in your own unique way.
Happiness isn’t a destination; it’s a by-product of living life authentically. Let go of your attachment to happiness itself and enjoy the journey. That’s where you’ll find your true joy.
10) Attachment to rigid routines
Routines can provide a sense of structure and security, but too much rigidity can hinder our happiness. It can keep us stuck in our comfort zones and prevent us from experiencing new things.
Try to introduce some flexibility into your routines. Explore a new hobby, take a different route to work, or try out a new cuisine. These small changes can make life more exciting and enjoyable.
Variety is the spice of life. So let go of your attachment to rigid routines and embrace the unexpected. It’s these little adventures that add color to our lives and open up new avenues for happiness.
Conclusion
Saying goodbye to these attachments isn’t easy, but it’s an important step towards living a truly happy life. Remember, it’s not about denying your feelings or forcing positivity. It’s about making space for genuine joy by letting go of things that hold you back.
A great starting point is understanding your core values. Jeanette Brown’s Defining Your Values Exercise can provide valuable insights into what truly matters to you, setting you on the path towards authentic happiness.
In the end, happiness is a journey, not a destination. Let go, embrace the process and enjoy the ride.
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