If you want to improve your relationships, say goodbye to these 9 selfish behaviors

Graeme Richards by Graeme Richards | June 20, 2024, 2:39 pm

Relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding. But often, we allow selfish behaviors to creep in, damaging our connections with others.

These behaviors, more often than not, stem from focusing solely on our needs and wants, forgetting that relationships are a two-way street.

In this article, I’ll discuss 9 selfish behaviors that you need to bid goodbye to if you want to improve your relationships.

So let’s dive in and start making those crucial changes. Because remember, the quality of your relationships can greatly impact your overall happiness and life satisfaction.

1) Always putting yourself first

In relationships, it’s normal to want what’s best for ourselves. But there’s a fine line between looking out for your own interests and consistently prioritizing your needs over others.

This is a classic example of a selfish behavior that can cause friction in relationships. When you always put yourself first, it sends a clear message to the other person: your needs, feelings, and opinions matter less.

The key here is balance. It’s important to respect your own needs, but it’s equally crucial to consider and value the needs of others.

So the next time you’re poised to make a decision, take a moment to consider how it might affect the other person. Are you considering their feelings too? Or are you only focused on what’s best for you?

Remember, relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding. And that starts with saying goodbye to the habit of always putting yourself first.

2) Not acknowledging others’ efforts

Here’s a personal anecdote. I remember once, I was so caught up in my own world, dealing with work deadlines and personal commitments, that I failed to notice my partner’s efforts.

He had been cooking dinner for us every night, making sure everything was tidy when I got home, and even picking up some of my tasks without a word of complaint. In my self-absorbed state, I took it all for granted and did not acknowledge his efforts.

It was only when he brought it up one evening that I realized how selfish my behavior had been. I was so focused on my own problems that I had failed to appreciate his contributions.

This incident was a wake-up call for me. Now, I make it a point to appreciate and acknowledge the efforts people put in, whether big or small.

Acknowledging others’ efforts is a simple yet powerful way of showing that you value them and their contributions. It can strengthen your relationships and foster a sense of mutual respect. So if you’ve been guilty of overlooking others’ efforts, it’s time to say goodbye to this selfish behavior.

3) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a cornerstone of healthy relationships. When we empathize, we’re not just acknowledging someone else’s feelings — we’re connecting with them on a deeper level.

However, research has shown that people today are less empathetic than they were 30 years ago. This lack of empathy can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and strained relationships.

If you find it hard to empathize with others, it may be due to focusing too much on your own feelings and experiences. But relationships aren’t just about you. They’re about understanding and caring for each other.

So try to step into the other person’s shoes. Listen to what they’re saying, try to understand their point of view, and respond with kindness and understanding. By doing this, you’ll be saying goodbye to a selfish behavior and taking a big step towards improving your relationships.

4) Taking more than giving

Another selfish behavior that can harm relationships is consistently taking more than you give. This doesn’t just apply to material goods, but also to time, effort, and emotional support.

In healthy relationships, there’s a balance of give and take. Both parties feel valued and supported, knowing they can rely on each other in times of need.

However, if you’re constantly on the receiving end—taking support but not offering it in return—you might be unknowingly causing strain in your relationships.

Asking for help is totally okay, but remember to reciprocate. Show up for others when they need you, too. Whether it’s lending a listening ear or helping with a task, your efforts will go a long way in strengthening your relationships.

It’s time to say goodbye to the habit of always taking and start giving back. It’s these small acts of kindness that truly enrich our relationships.

5) Neglecting communication

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. It’s how we express our needs, feelings, and thoughts to one another. But sometimes, we fall into the trap of neglecting communication, expecting others to understand us without saying a word.

This can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations, straining your relationships.

Remember, your friends, family or partner aren’t mind readers. If you want something, feel a certain way or have an issue that needs addressing, express it.

Open and honest communication paves the way for understanding and compromise. It helps us to resolve conflicts and build stronger bonds with our loved ones.

So say goodbye to the silent treatment and hello to open lines of communication. Your relationships will be all the better for it.

6) Ignoring the small things

The small things in life often hold the most meaning. A kind word, a shared laugh, a comforting hug, these seemingly insignificant moments can have a profound impact on our relationships.

But in our self-centered moments, it’s easy to ignore these small things. We get so caught up in our own lives that we fail to appreciate the little gestures of love and care from those around us.

Ignoring these small things can make others feel unappreciated and overlooked. It’s a subtle form of selfishness that can slowly chip away at the foundations of your relationships.

So take a moment to notice the small things. Appreciate that cup of coffee your partner made you before work, acknowledge the effort your friend put into cheering you up, or simply savor the peaceful moments of silence shared with a loved one.

By saying goodbye to this selfish behavior, you’ll be letting those around you know just how much they mean to you. This shift in attention can bring about a significant change in your relationships, making them more fulfilling and heartfelt.

7) Failing to apologize

I remember a time when I made a mistake and hurt someone close to me. Despite knowing I was in the wrong, I let my pride get in the way and refused to apologize.

This strained our relationship for a while. It created a sense of resentment and distance that could have been avoided if I had just swallowed my pride and said sorry.

Apologizing when you’re wrong is a sign of maturity and respect for the other person’s feelings. It shows that you value the relationship more than your ego.

Failing to apologize, on the other hand, can make others feel disrespected and unappreciated. It’s a form of selfishness that can hurt your relationships in the long run.

So, if you’ve made a mistake, own up to it. Apologize sincerely and make amends where needed. This simple act can help mend bridges and strengthen your relationships.

8) Not respecting boundaries

Every individual has their own set of boundaries – physical, emotional, and mental. These boundaries are crucial for maintaining a sense of personal comfort and safety.

When we disregard these boundaries, we often do so out of a selfish need for our own comfort or convenience. This can lead to feelings of discomfort, disrespect, and violation for the other person.

Not respecting others’ boundaries can strain your relationships and create a sense of mistrust.

It’s important to understand and respect the boundaries set by others. If you’re unsure about what someone’s boundaries are, ask them. Open communication is key to understanding each other’s needs and limitations.

By respecting others’ boundaries, you’re showing them that you value their comfort and well-being as much as your own. This is an essential step in saying goodbye to selfish behaviors and improving your relationships.

9) Forgetting to express gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most powerful expressions of love. It’s a simple acknowledgment that you value and appreciate someone’s presence and actions in your life.

Forgetting to express gratitude is a subtle form of selfishness. It implies that you take others and their actions for granted.

Make it a habit to express gratitude. A simple thank you can go a long way in making someone feel loved and appreciated.

Expressing gratitude not only strengthens relationships but also fosters a positive environment. It’s an affirmation that you see, value, and appreciate the people in your life.

So, start saying thank you more often. It’s the simplest and most heartfelt way to say goodbye to selfish behaviors and improve your relationships.

Final thoughts: It’s all about balance

In the dance of relationships, the key is finding balance. Balance between your needs and those of others. Balance between giving and taking. Balance between talking and listening.

At the heart of it all, it’s about respecting one another as individuals, recognizing the value each person brings to the table, and appreciating their contributions.

As you say goodbye to these selfish behaviors, remember that change doesn’t happen overnight. It requires consistent effort and self-awareness. But with each step, you’re not just improving your relationships; you’re also growing as a person.

And isn’t that what life’s all about? Growth, connection, and finding joy in our relationships. So here’s to taking that step towards better relationships and a more fulfilling life.