Building robust bonds with your children, especially as they mature, can be a challenging yet immensely rewarding journey. It requires conscious efforts, emotional intelligence, and most importantly, self-improvement.

Certain ingrained behaviors can act as barriers to forming these close ties, and recognizing them is the first step toward change.

In this article, I will share my insights and experiences in parenthood to help you understand the behaviors that could possibly be impeding your connection with your older children.

After years of observation and learning, I’ve identified 8 specific habits that can negatively impact the parent-child relationship.

These habits might seem harmless or even natural to you, given that they’ve probably been part of your parenting style for a long time.

However, it’s essential to remember that as your kids grow older, their needs and perceptions evolve. What worked in their childhood may not be effective anymore.

1) Discarding the ‘always right’ attitude

The first behavior to bid goodbye to is the ‘Always Right’ attitude.

As parents, it’s natural for us to believe that we know best. But as our children grow older, they start forming their own opinions and perspectives.

This means that there will be times when they disagree with us, and that’s okay.

It’s important to listen to their viewpoints, even if they contradict ours.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but showing respect for their opinions fosters a sense of mutual understanding and trust. It tells them that their feelings and thoughts matter to you.

Cultivating this behavior requires patience and openness.

Try to engage in dialogues rather than monologues. Encourage them to express their thoughts and validate their feelings, even when they differ from yours.

Remember, it’s not about who is right or wrong, but about understanding each other better.

2) Replacing the disciplinarian with the confidante

The second behavior to reconsider is the constant disciplinarian role.

As parents, it’s our responsibility to guide and teach our children. However, as they grow older, they need more than just instructions and rules. They need someone who can:

• Listen to them
• Understand their concerns
• Offer advice when needed

Acting as a confidante doesn’t mean you disregard discipline. It means balancing it with empathy and understanding.

When your children share their struggles or mistakes with you, instead of jumping into correction mode, first acknowledge their feelings. Show them that you understand their situation and appreciate their openness.

This shift requires conscious effort but can significantly strengthen your bond with your older children. It helps them feel safe in sharing their thoughts and emotions with you, knowing they will be met with understanding instead of judgment.

3) Loosening the reins of control

A key aspect of fostering strong bonds with your older children involves letting go of the need to control every aspect of their lives.

As your children mature, they seek to assert their independence and make their own decisions. This is a crucial part of their growth and development.

While it might be difficult, it’s essential to respect their autonomy.

Instead of dictating their course, guide them in making informed decisions. Encourage them to consider the consequences of their choices, but ultimately, let them make the final call.

By doing this, you show your children that you trust their judgment. This not only boosts their confidence but also strengthens your relationship with them.

They learn that while you’re there for guidance and support, you respect their individuality and decision-making abilities.

4) Swapping criticism for constructive feedback

The fourth behavior change involves the way you communicate your concerns or corrections to your children.

It’s natural to want your children to improve and grow, but constant criticism can be counterproductive, potentially leading to resentment or low self-esteem.

Instead of criticizing, aim for constructive feedback. The difference lies in the approach.

Criticism tends to focus on what’s wrong, making the person feel inadequate.

Constructive feedback, on the other hand, focuses on improvement and growth. It addresses the issue without undermining the individual’s worth.

An important aspect of delivering constructive feedback is timing.

Choose a calm moment when both you and your child are open for discussion. Phrase your feedback positively and focus on the behavior, not the person.

5) Establishing healthy boundaries

Creating strong bonds with your older children also involves establishing healthy boundaries.

As your children mature, they seek more independence and privacy. Respecting these boundaries is an essential part of maintaining a strong relationship.

Healthy boundaries are a balance of respect for individual space and open communication.

Your child should feel comfortable to have their own space, yet confident that they can approach you when needed. This balance fosters trust and mutual respect.

Establishing boundaries doesn’t mean creating distance. It means understanding and respecting each other’s individual needs and preferences. It shows that you value their personal growth and individuality.

6) Expressing appreciation regularly

The sixth behavior change involves expressing appreciation regularly.

As parents, we often focus on what needs to be corrected in our children’s behavior or actions, overlooking their accomplishments and efforts. It’s important to appreciate their achievements and the qualities you admire in them.

Appreciation doesn’t always have to be for something big. It can be for everyday things like helping out with chores or showing kindness to a sibling. This helps in boosting their self-confidence and reinforces positive behavior.

Expressing appreciation shouldn’t feel forced or fake. It should come from a genuine place of admiration and respect for your child.

Remember, it’s not about flattery but about recognizing their efforts and growth.

7) Being a role model

Our seventh point focuses on the power of leading by example.

As parents, we are our children’s first role models. They observe us closely and often mirror our behaviors. This provides us with a unique opportunity to influence them positively.

Being a role model doesn’t mean being perfect. It means showing them how to:

• Handle mistakes
• Manage emotions
• Treat others with respect through our actions

It’s about embodying the values and behaviors we wish to see in them.

It’s essential to be conscious of the example we’re setting for our children, from the way we handle stress to the way we interact with others. This is a powerful way to guide them without imposing or dictating their behavior.

8) Prioritizing open and honest communication

Our final point emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication.

Effective communication forms the basis of any strong relationship, including the one with your older children. It’s not just about talking, but also about listening actively and responding empathetically.

Open communication means creating a safe space where your children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism.

It involves being available and approachable, showing interest in their lives, and responding to their concerns with understanding and respect.

Honest communication involves being truthful, even when the truth is uncomfortable or difficult. It’s about having those tough conversations in a way that respects their maturity and understanding.

Continuing your parenting journey

Parenting is a journey filled with constant learning and growth.

Forming close bonds with your children as they get older involves navigating this journey with empathy, understanding, and openness to change.

As parents, our role evolves as our children grow older. From caregivers and protectors, we transition into guides and confidantes. This transition can be challenging but also immensely rewarding.

As you continue your parenting journey, remember that the best way to guide your children is to lead by example. Show them the values you want them to embrace through your actions rather than just words.

Finally, remember that forming strong bonds with your children doesn’t mean a conflict-free relationship.

Disagreements and conflicts are part of any relationship. They offer opportunities for growth, learning, and understanding each other better.

Keep these insights in mind as you continue on your parenting journey, fostering strong bonds with your children as they grow older.