Why does inner peace elude so many people?

Is it because the world is such an unfair place full of chaos and hardship?

Is it because they’re kept down by others and treated unfairly?

A lot of people might think that way, but there are some pretty bright people out there who’ll tell you differently.

They’ll say that you need to focus on the “inner” part of inner peace and stop looking for answers or excuses outside of yourself.

It sounds like pretty good advice if you ask me.

So, let’s look at what you can do to work on yourself and move toward a peaceful state of mind.

If you want to find true inner peace, start saying “no” to these eight things, and you’ll find yourself getting closer to your goal.

1) Blaming others

Finding inner peace can certainly be difficult.

One of the easiest excuses for not finding it is constantly blaming others for keeping it from you. But this makes little sense as inner peace can only blossom inside of you.

The Dalai Lama says, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

He’s known for being an incredibly peaceful, wise, and jolly soul despite what he has been through.

When he was just 15, his country was invaded by Chinese troops and annexed in 1950. In 1959, he fled to India and has lived in exile for most of his life.

Does he blame the soldiers or revolutionaries for him not being able to achieve inner peace? On the contrary, he seems to have plenty of peace to go around.

Likewise, if you focus on blaming others for your misfortune or for distracting you from your path, you’re wasting precious energy you could be applying to find inner peace.

2) Living in an artificial world

If you think that inner peace can be found in a YouTube video or on someone’s Insta profile, you’re barking up the wrong tree.

These days, we all spend tons of time online scrolling through social media apps, watching video after video, or playing immersive games.

But we need to remember that these things are meant to just be entertaining diversions, not worlds unto themselves.

If we hide out in these artificial worlds, we distract ourselves from the real one and find our peaceful place within it.

John Lennon once said, “If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, there’d be peace.” While this was probably meant more as a statement against consumerism and vapid materialism, he still has a point.

By escaping into these artificial worlds, we avoid having to deal with the real one that we’re in, and that gives us an excuse not to do the necessary work of finding inner peace.

3) Trying to change your circumstances

Eckhart Tolle was a famous psychiatrist and also a holocaust survivor who tended to patients who were also his fellow concentration camp prisoners.

He saw first-hand how different people dealt with this most horrible of situations.

He wrote about how he saw some people give up while others were determined to make it through their terrible circumstances and survive.

One of the things he learned from this experience was this: 

“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” 

We often tell ourselves we’ll work on our inner peace once we get that job we’re trying for or after our finances are in order. Or maybe once the kids are grown and have left the nest.

Maybe once we’re retired and have more time on our hands.

But waiting for our circumstances to change is no excuse to avoid trying to find peace now. It’s just a bad reason to delay something that will hugely benefit your life.

4) Stressing

Go on stressing your words the way you always do. I’m talking about the kind of stress that makes you tense and unhappy.

Stress can come at us from all angles.

Our work life, our relationships and family life, our finances, and even situations far out of our control.

But we can also counteract stress in our lives by making time to relax and recover.

Whether you do that through exercise, yoga, reading, journaling, listening to music, getting a massage, or spending time with people you truly care about is up to you.

However, the benefits of reducing stress in your life can’t be overlooked.

Not only does this reduce your risk of diseases like heart disease and stroke as well as diabetes, it also makes you happier and mentally healthier.

If you constantly feel like you’re tense and ready for fight or flight, how will you ever find peace?

Vincent van Gogh said, “There is peace even in the storm,” and I think he was referring to how inner peace can even carry us through stressful situations.

So if you want peace, say no to stress in your life.

5) Holding grudges

One thing that makes it hard for people to find peace is having a black spot on their soul.

This can be a mark of hate or blame, but in any case, it’s something that will act as a roadblock on your path to peace.

Why?

How can you expect to find peace with anger or hatred in your heart? 

That’s not to say you have to forget about the wrongs that were done to you. And I not suggesting that you haven’t suffered from their effects.

But part of finding inner peace is accepting who you are, and in that search, it helps to also accept others. We’re all human with our flaws and foibles. We all make mistakes.

Martin Luther King Jr. knew this well. He famously said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 

In this, he echoes Buddhist teachings from the Dhammapaeda a few thousand years earlier: “Hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible.”

There are things you need to let go of before you can find peace, and holding grudges is certainly one of them.

6) Waiting for someone to lead you 

The famous writer Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”

How could this be anything but true, especially when we’re talking about inner peace?

But you’d be surprised how many people are looking outside of themselves for that very peace. Of course, you can find inspiration in others and find guidance and advice from gurus, coaches, videos, and even <ahem> articles.

When it comes right down to it, though, nobody has your inner peace in their hands, ready to give to you as a complete package.

People can lead you to the start of the path, but you have to walk down it by yourself.

After all, only you can understand yourself well enough to find the peace that’s deep inside of you.

7) Giving up

If you want to find true inner peace, start saying no to quitting and giving up.

The path might be difficult, but a life without peace is certainly much more so.

Benazir Bhutto, the former Prime Minister of Pakistan, has this to say about the search for peace:

“I have found that those who do achieve peace never acquiesce to obstacles, especially those constructed of bigotry, intolerance, and inflexible tradition.”

As the first female to head a modern Muslim state, you can be assured that she had to overcome a great many obstacles in her life. So you can believe she knows what she’s talking about.

Finding true peace also means challenging yourself and realizing the obstacles that you put in your own path. But if you can do this without giving up, you may be able to achieve what you’re hoping for.

8) Rushing

Are you in a hurry to find inner peace as fast as possible? Hmm, that doesn’t sound very peaceful at all!

Ethiopian emperor Haile Selassie once said, “Peace is a day-to-day problem, the product of a multitude of events and judgments. Peace is not an ‘is,’ it is a ‘becoming.’ ” 

While he was referring to political peace, the same can be said of inner peace.

Don’t get discouraged because you don’t feel like you’ve achieved an unshakable sense of peace and contentment after one week of trying!

These things take time, and perhaps that’s actually an important and necessary part of the process.

Finding true peace:

If you want to find true inner peace, start saying “no” to these eight things.

These behaviors you’re holding onto are weighing you down and holding you back from achieving that which your heart so desperately wants.

Once you let go of one of these habits, the others should follow in succession, getting easier and bringing you closer and closer to finding the inner peace that’s deep inside of you.