There’s a vast difference between having a lot of friends and having authentic friendships.

This difference becomes increasingly apparent as we age.

It’s easy to confuse popularity with true friendship, but the two are not synonymous.

Maintaining authentic relationships requires more than just socializing. It’s about understanding, respect, and mutual growth.

And believe me, there are certain behaviors that can hinder the formation of these genuine bonds.

In this article, we’ll be looking at 7 behaviors you need to bid farewell to if you want to cultivate more authentic friendships as you get older.

Trust me, it’s not as daunting as it sounds. So, let’s dive right in.

1) Trying to please everyone

As we get older, it’s natural to want to maintain harmony in our relationships.

However, trying to please everyone is a surefire way to dilute the authenticity of your friendships.

Consider this: In our quest to avoid conflict and keep everyone happy, we often end up sacrificing our own needs and desires.

This not only leads to resentment but also creates superficial relationships built on pretense rather than genuine connection.

It’s important to understand that true friends will respect your boundaries and won’t expect you to bend over backward just to keep them satisfied.

So, if you find yourself constantly trying to please others at the expense of your own happiness, it might be time to reassess your approach.

2) Holding on to grudges

We’ve all been there. Someone hurts us in a way that’s hard to forget and even harder to forgive.

I remember a time when a close friend of mine betrayed my trust. It felt like a punch to the gut. I was hurt, angry, and for a long time, I held on to that grudge.

But here’s what I learned from that experience: holding on to grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go.

It weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward. More importantly, it obstructs the path to authentic friendships.

It took me years to forgive my friend, but when I did, it felt like I had shed that heavy backpack.

Our friendship didn’t magically return to what it was before, but forgiveness allowed us to start over and rebuild our relationship on a stronger and more honest foundation.

3) Fear of vulnerability

Did you know that vulnerability is actually a key ingredient in forming deep, meaningful connections?

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and author, has found that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.

Yet, many of us are afraid to show our true selves to others.

We fear that exposing our weaknesses and insecurities will lead to rejection.

So, we put up walls and wear masks, preventing others from seeing who we truly are.

But here’s the thing: Authentic friendships aren’t built on pretenses. They thrive on honesty, openness, and the courage to be vulnerable.

To enjoy such friendships as we age means embracing vulnerability and allowing ourselves to be seen, flaws and all.

It may be uncomfortable at first but letting down your guard allows for deeper connections.

4) Expecting perfection

It’s human nature to seek perfection. We often set high standards for ourselves and the people around us.

But when it comes to friendships, expecting perfection can be a roadblock to authenticity.

Friends are human, and humans are flawed. They will make mistakes, disappoint us at times, and may not always live up to our expectations. It’s essential to understand and accept this reality.

Holding your friends to unrealistic standards of perfection can strain your relationship.

It places undue pressure on them and can lead to resentment.

Instead, practice acceptance and empathy.

Understand that your friends, like you, are navigating their own struggles and challenges. Offering grace in moments of shortcomings can significantly strengthen your bond.

5) Comparing friendships

I remember a time when I found myself constantly comparing my friendships with those of others.

I would see pictures of friends on social media, always together, seemingly having the time of their lives.

I’d wonder why my friendships didn’t look the same. This comparison game always left me feeling inadequate and dissatisfied.

Over time, I realized that these comparisons were robbing me of the joy in my own relationships.

Every friendship is unique, with its own dynamics and rhythm. They can’t be compared on a like-for-like basis.

It is important to cherish your friendships for what they are rather than what they appear to be in relation to others.

Authenticity lies in appreciating the uniqueness of your bonds, rather than measuring them against a false standard set by others.

6) Neglecting self-care

Oftentimes, in our pursuit of maintaining relationships, we tend to forget about the most important relationship of all – the one with ourselves.

When we neglect self-care, we risk burning out, which can negatively impact our friendships.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships.

When we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and mentally, we’re better equipped to interact positively with others.

Ensure you’re setting aside time to rest, engage in activities you enjoy, and nourish your body and mind. A well-cared-for you is a better friend.

7) Fearing change

As we age, change is inevitable. Our lives evolve, and so do our friendships. It’s important to understand that change doesn’t necessarily signify an end, but often, it signifies growth.

Friendships may evolve, some may fade, new ones may form – and that’s okay.

Embracing change rather than fearing it allows us to adapt and grow with our friendships.

Some of the most authentic friendships are those that have weathered the storms of change and come out stronger.

Final reflection: The journey matters

As we traverse the path of life, the value of authentic friendships becomes profoundly evident.

These bonds, built on mutual respect, understanding, and personal growth, are the cornerstone of a fulfilling life.

The journey towards more authentic friendships involves learning and changing, letting go of behaviors that hinder genuine connections.

Embracing this journey with open hearts may involve facing our fears and challenging our preconceived notions.

But at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. After all, what is life without authentic connections that enrich our existence?