Building relationships with new people can sometimes feel like a puzzle.

The key to fitting in isn’t about changing who you are, but rather, letting go of certain behaviors that can create barriers.

Creating an instant connection requires authenticity, openness, and most importantly, awareness of one’s own actions.

Some behaviors might seem harmless to you but can actually be off-putting to others.

In this article, I’m going to share 7 behaviors that you need to ditch if you want to instantly build kinship and rapport with new folks you meet. 

1) Dominating the conversation

Human connection is a two-way street, especially when you’re meeting new people.

One of the most common barriers to building instant kinship and rapport with others is dominating the conversation.

It’s easy to get carried away with sharing your own stories and experiences, but this can often be perceived as self-centered or uninterested in others.

Everyone has a story to tell.

By allowing others to share their experiences, you show them that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them.

This not only makes the other person feel valued, but also allows you to understand their perspectives and experiences.

2) Being judgmental

I’ve learned over the years that being open-minded and non-judgmental is key to building instant rapport.

I remember once meeting a person at a party who had completely different political views than mine.

Instead of immediately dismissing their opinions or getting into a heated argument, I decided to listen and engage in a respectful conversation.

By giving them space to express their views and showing genuine interest, I was able to form an unexpected connection.

We may not have agreed on everything, but our open-minded conversation allowed us to find common ground and mutual respect.

This experience taught me that being judgmental can create unnecessary barriers.

So, if you want to build instant kinship with new people, it’s important to listen with an open mind and refrain from passing immediate judgments.

Everyone’s perspective is shaped by their own experiences and understanding their viewpoint can lead to deeper connections.

3) Failing to maintain eye contact

Eye contact is not just about looking someone in the eyes.

It’s a powerful non-verbal cue that communicates your attention, respect, and interest in the person you are talking to.

A study found that people who maintain eye contact are perceived as more confident, trustworthy, and intelligent.

However, it’s important to strike a balance.

Constant eye contact can be intimidating or make the other person uncomfortable.

The key is to maintain natural eye contact that feels comfortable and respectful to both parties.

So next time you’re meeting someone new, remember to look them in the eyes.

It’s a simple yet effective way to build instant rapport and show that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say.

4) Being too serious

While it’s important to be professional and respectful, being too serious can create a barrier when trying to connect with new people.

Laughter is a universal language and a powerful bonding tool.

It helps break down walls and allows people to connect on a human level.

When you’re able to laugh at yourself, share a funny story, or simply appreciate the humor in everyday situations, you’re showing that you’re approachable and relatable.

Of course, it’s important to read the room – humor is subjective and what’s funny to one person might not be to another.

But don’t be afraid to lighten up the mood when appropriate.

After all, a good laugh can be a great ice breaker!

5) Not showing empathy

I remember a time when a new coworker was struggling to fit in.

She was from a different country and was finding it hard to adjust to the new environment.

Instead of just offering a sympathetic smile, I made an effort to understand her situation.

We would go for coffee breaks where she shared her struggles and I listened, sharing my own experiences of feeling out of place when I moved cities.

This act of empathy created a bond between us that still lasts today.

Empathy is about understanding and sharing in someone else’s feelings.

It’s about putting yourself in their shoes.

It allows connections to form on a deeper level, breaking down walls and fostering kinship.

A study published in Behavioral and Brain Sciences suggests that empathy plays a crucial role in forming and maintaining social bonds, highlighting its importance in interpersonal relationships.

So, make an effort to show empathy when interacting with new people, it can make all the difference.

6) Not respecting personal space

Understanding and respecting personal space is crucial when meeting new people.

Too close for comfort can be off-putting and make others feel uncomfortable.

Every individual has their own comfort zone, a physical space around them that they consider personal and safe.

Infringing on this space can be perceived as disrespectful or invasive.

It’s important to be aware of the other person’s comfort level.

If they seem to be stepping back or leaning away, you might be too close.

Respecting personal space helps others feel comfortable and safe around you, which is essential for building instant kinship and rapport. 

7) Failing to be authentic

Authenticity is the cornerstone of any meaningful connection.

It’s about being true to who you are and expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly.

People can intuitively sense when someone is being genuine or putting up a facade.

Authenticity is magnetic.

It draws people towards you and helps build trust and rapport.

There’s no need to pretend to be someone you’re not just to fit in.

Your uniqueness is your strength.

Show up as yourself, and you’ll attract people who appreciate and resonate with the real you.

Ultimately, it’s about human connection

The essence of building kinship and rapport with new people boils down to one fundamental concept – human connection.

At our core, we are social creatures, wired for connection.

A study by University of California, Los Angeles found that our brains are inherently social.

Neuroscientists discovered that our brains are wired to connect and that our well-being depends on our connections with others.

Building rapport isn’t about mastering a set of rules or techniques, but rather, it’s about understanding and respecting others’ experiences, feelings, and perspectives.

Letting go of the behaviors that hinder this connection is the first step towards building meaningful relationships.

So, as you navigate through your social interactions, remember to stay true to yourself, show genuine interest in others, respect their personal space, and most importantly – connect on a human level.

Because at the end of the day, we are all just humans seeking connection.