Getting older doesn’t mean becoming bitter. In fact, it’s an opportunity to become kinder, and more empathetic.

But, it’s not as easy as snapping your fingers. There are certain habits we need to let go of to make room for kindness in our lives.

In this article, I’m going to talk about 9 such habits that stand between us and our quest to become kinder as we age. So, if you’re committed to becoming a better person with each passing year, it’s time to bid adieu to these habits.

1) Judging others

We all do it. It’s almost second nature to us. But passing judgment on others can be a major obstacle in our path to becoming kinder.

When we judge others, we create an invisible barrier between them and us. It’s like putting on a pair of tinted glasses that distorts our view of the other person.

More often than not, our judgments are based on superficial aspects or isolated incidents. They’re not a true reflection of the person’s character or intentions.

And guess what? People can sense when they’re being judged. It makes them defensive, guarded, and hesitant to open up.

If you want to become kinder as you age, it’s time to let go of this habit. Instead, strive to understand people before labeling or categorizing them. This will help you foster deeper connections and spread kindness more effectively.

2) Holding onto grudges

I’ll be the first one to admit it. I had a habit of holding onto grudges. If someone wronged me, I would keep it in my mind, replaying the event over and over again. It was like a movie reel that just wouldn’t stop.

But over time, I realized that this was only hurting me. The people who had wronged me had probably moved on, yet here I was, still stuck in the past.

Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack. It weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward. And it certainly doesn’t make you any kinder.

One day, I finally decided to let go of all the grudges I was holding onto. It was difficult at first. But once I did it, I felt lighter and freer.

If you want to become kinder as you age, try to forgive and forget. Trust me, it’s a liberating experience. You’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

3) Neglecting self-care

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to put ourselves last. Skipping meals, skimping on sleep, and ignoring our personal needs become the norm. But this can take a toll on our ability to be kind.

When we’re tired, stressed, or drained, our patience wears thin. We’re more likely to snap at others, less likely to offer help, and generally less pleasant to be around.

On the flip side, when we take care of ourselves, we’re in a better position to take care of others. We’re more patient, more understanding, and more willing to extend kindness.

So if you want to become kinder as you age, make self-care a priority. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. Listen to your body’s needs and take time out for relaxation and rejuvenation. You’ll find that the more you fill your own cup, the more you’ll have to pour into others.

4) Living on autopilot

It’s so easy to go through life on autopilot. We get caught up in our routines, our to-do lists, and our responsibilities. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and before we know it, another year has passed.

But when we’re on autopilot, we miss out on opportunities to be kind. We don’t notice the small ways we could make a difference in someone’s day. We don’t pick up on the subtle cues that someone might need our help or support.

That’s where mindfulness comes in.

Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment. It’s about tuning into our senses, our emotions, and our surroundings. It’s about truly experiencing life, instead of just going through the motions.

In my book “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into this concept. I share practical strategies for incorporating mindfulness into your everyday life and how it can help you become a kinder person.

By being mindful, you’ll become more aware of the opportunities for kindness that present themselves each day. And you’ll be more able to seize these opportunities and spread kindness wherever you go.

5) Always trying to please others

At first glance, this might seem counter-intuitive. After all, isn’t being kind all about making others happy?

While it’s true that kindness often involves helping others, there’s a fine line between being kind and being a people pleaser. When we constantly put others’ needs and wants above our own, we risk losing ourselves in the process.

Being a people pleaser can also lead to resentment. If we’re constantly bending over backwards for others and not getting the same consideration in return, it’s natural to feel taken advantage of.

6) Focusing on the negatives

It’s easy to zero in on the negatives in life. The mistakes we’ve made. The opportunities we’ve missed. The things we don’t have. But this mindset can be a major obstacle on our path to becoming kinder.

When we focus on the negatives, we’re more likely to be irritable, pessimistic, and less understanding towards others. We might snap at someone over a minor mistake, or refuse to help someone because we’re too wrapped up in our own problems.

On the other hand, when we focus on the positives, we’re more likely to be patient, understanding, and willing to extend kindness to others.

Try to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Appreciate the good things in your life, no matter how small they may seem. Celebrate your achievements and your progress.

7) Avoiding difficult conversations

I’ve noticed that many of us, myself included, tend to shy away from difficult conversations. We fear confrontation, we fear upsetting others, and we fear the potential fallout.

But avoiding these conversations can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. It can hinder our relationships and prevent us from expressing kindness.

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to have a difficult conversation. It shows that you care enough about the relationship to address issues and work towards a resolution.

It’s not easy, I know. But with time and practice, you can become more comfortable with difficult conversations. You can learn to express your feelings and concerns in a respectful, understanding way.

8) Being self-critical

We’re often our own harshest critics. We berate ourselves for our mistakes, our flaws, and our shortcomings. But this self-criticism can stand in the way of us becoming kinder.

When we’re hard on ourselves, we’re likely to be hard on others too. We project our self-criticism onto others and become less understanding, less patient, and less kind.

Instead of berating yourself for your mistakes, try practicing self-compassion. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes, everyone has flaws, and everyone has room for improvement.

9) Refusing to grow and change

The most important thing to realize is that kindness isn’t a fixed trait. It’s not something you either have or you don’t. It’s something that can be cultivated and grown.

But this growth requires a willingness to change. It requires letting go of old habits, old ways of thinking, and old patterns of behavior.

If you want to become kinder as you age, you have to be willing to evolve. You have to be open to learning new things, trying new approaches, and stepping out of your comfort zone.

Embrace change as an opportunity for growth. See it as a chance to become a better, kinder version of yourself.

Keep in mind, that it’s never too late to become kinder. It’s never too late to change.

So make the choice today to say goodbye to these 9 habits and embark on your journey towards becoming a kinder person.