As a parent, your aspiration to be a hero in your children’s eyes is not only noble but also attainable.

It involves more than just showering them with love and gifts; it’s about setting an example through your actions and behaviors.

But as they grow older, some of our instinctive behaviors can do more harm than good.

These behaviors, while seemingly benign, can hamper their emotional growth and can inadvertently create rifts in your relationship with them.

In my years of experience, I’ve identified eight specific behaviors that parents should let go of if they want to continue being their children’s hero.

These are behaviors that might have served a purpose when your children were younger but could become detrimental as they step into adolescence and young adulthood.

This article will delve into these eight behaviors, offering a detailed understanding of why they can be damaging and how you can consciously work towards eliminating them from your parenting style.

1) Overprotection

As parents, our natural instinct is to shield our children from harm and discomfort.

However, as they grow older, it’s essential to strike a balance between protecting them and allowing them the freedom to make their own choices and learn from their experiences.

Overprotection can hinder their ability to become independent, confident individuals.

It can rob them of the opportunity to learn critical problem-solving skills and can make them overly reliant on you for decisions.

So, how do you stop being overprotective?

• Encourage independence: Allow them to make decisions about their lives, such as choosing their hobbies, managing their time, or even simple things like picking their clothes.
• Let them face consequences: If your child makes a mistake, let them face the consequences (within a safe limit). This will teach them accountability.
• Boost their confidence: Praise their efforts and not just results. This will help boost their confidence and make them more self-reliant.

2) Excessive criticism

We all learn from constructive criticism, but as a parent, it’s essential to be mindful of crossing the line into the territory of excessive criticism.

Too much criticism can damage your child’s self-esteem and breed feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

When you perpetually criticize your child for their failures or shortcomings, you are inadvertently teaching them to be excessively self-critical.

This can impact their confidence, creativity, and willingness to take risks in the future.

To avoid falling into the trap of excessive criticism:

• Focus on the behavior, not the child: When addressing an issue, discuss the behavior that needs improvement rather than making it about the child’s character or abilities.
• Balance criticism with praise: Always balance your criticism with positive reinforcement. Acknowledge their efforts and achievements to build their self-esteem.
• Offer constructive feedback: Instead of merely pointing out what they did wrong, offer solutions or alternatives that can help them improve.

3) Invalidating feelings

As they say, feelings are not right or wrong; they just are.

When children express their emotions, the last thing they need is to feel dismissed or ignored. Invalidating your child’s feelings can be as subtle as ignoring their sadness or as overt as telling them they’re overreacting.

Research indicates that invalidating a child’s emotions can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation and lower self-esteem.

Invalidation can lead to your child feeling misunderstood and alone.

It can also teach them to suppress their emotions, which can have long-term effects on their emotional health and relationships.

To avoid invalidating your child’s feelings:

• Validate their emotions: Instead of dismissing their feelings, acknowledge them. Show empathy and let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
• Be a good listener: When your child expresses their emotions, listen attentively without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice.
• Teach emotional intelligence: Help your child understand and express their emotions in a healthy way. This can include teaching them to use words to express their feelings or using creative outlets like art or music.

4) Comparing to others

As parents, we want the best for our children and sometimes, in our quest to help them improve, we may resort to comparing them with their peers.

However, what we often fail to realize is that this comparison can be highly damaging.

Instead of motivating them, comparisons often lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

It can also foster a competitive mindset, leading them to value success over learning and personal growth.

Replacing comparisons with individual recognition of their unique strengths and improvements can make a significant difference in how your children perceive themselves.

Avoid the temptation to compare their achievements or abilities with others.

Recognize their unique strengths and celebrate their improvements, no matter how small.

This will not only boost their self-esteem but also encourage them to embrace their individuality.

5) Disrespecting boundaries

As they grow older, children start asserting their individuality and personal boundaries.

They need their personal space, privacy, and the freedom to make certain decisions independently.

Research indicates that respecting children’s boundaries fosters trust and teaches them to respect others’ limits, which is essential for forming healthy, balanced relationships.

Disregarding these boundaries can lead to a breach of trust and make your child feel disrespected.

It can also impede their ability to set healthy boundaries in their future relationships.

6) Over-scheduling their lives

In the pursuit of ensuring our children excel in every field, we sometimes end up over-scheduling their lives.

We enroll them in multiple classes and activities, leaving them with little to no free time.

While it’s great to expose them to diverse activities, over-scheduling can deprive them of the time they need to relax, unwind, and just be kids.

Over-scheduling can lead to stress and burnout, even in children.

It can also rob them of the joy of spontaneous play and creativity.

So how should you strike a balance?

• Prioritize: Instead of enrolling them in every class or activity available, ask them what they’re interested in and prioritize based on that.
• Ensure downtime: Make sure they have enough leisure time for unstructured play or relaxation.
• Encourage free play: Allow them time for spontaneous, unstructured play. This is not only fun but also crucial for their cognitive and social development.

7) Not practicing what you preach

Children are highly observant and often learn more from what they see than what they hear.

If there’s a mismatch between your words and actions, your children are likely to notice that.

Research indicates that children often emulate their parents’ behaviors, underscoring the importance of aligning your actions with the values you wish to instill.

Therefore, not practicing what you preach can undermine your credibility in their eyes.

For instance, if you instruct your child to limit screen time but spend hours yourself on gadgets, or advise them to eat healthily while you indulge in junk food, it sends a conflicting message.

This discrepancy can confuse them and make them less likely to heed your advice.

8) Ignoring their accomplishments

Every child craves recognition and validation, especially from their parents.

When their accomplishments, no matter how small, are ignored or overlooked, it can make them feel unappreciated and can diminish their motivation to strive for more.

Recognizing your child’s accomplishments encourages them to continue working hard and boosts their self-esteem.

It also reinforces the behavior you want to see in them.

To ensure you’re acknowledging their accomplishments:

• Celebrate small wins: Even minor achievements deserve recognition. Celebrate these moments with your child.
• Be specific in your praise: Instead of generic praise, be specific about what you’re appreciating. This makes the praise more meaningful.
• Encourage effort, not just results: Recognize the hard work and effort they put in, not just the result. This fosters a growth mindset.

Embracing positive change

As parents, our ultimate goal is to guide our children toward becoming happy, well-rounded adults.

Saying goodbye to these eight behaviors is a significant step towards achieving this goal.

Change doesn’t happen overnight.

It requires patience, perseverance, and conscious effort.

It’s okay to stumble along the way, as long as we pick ourselves up and continue striving for improvement.

As you embark on this journey of self-improvement, remember that your efforts are not just about being your child’s hero.

It’s about empowering them to grow into confident, empathetic, and emotionally resilient individuals.

Each step you take towards becoming a better parent also sets an example for your children.

It shows them that it’s not just okay but essential to acknowledge our flaws and work on them.

After all, our children learn the most from who we are, not just what we teach.