Respect is something we all crave, but sometimes it seems elusive. Why? Often, it’s because of our people-pleasing tendencies. 

If earning genuine respect is on your wishlist, it’s time to bid farewell to these nine sneaky people-pleasing habits that have been masquerading as your sidekicks. Consider this your superhero training – because real respect starts with authenticity, not a performance.

So, buckle up, fellow pleasers, as we embark on a mission to ditch these 9 habits that make you look small in other people’s eyes. 

1) Saying yes to everything

The first people-pleasing habit we need to talk about is saying yes to everything.

When we’re constantly saying yes, we’re putting others’ needs before our own. Worse, it makes us look like we don’t have self-respect.

The truth is: that self-respect begets respect. People don’t truly respect those who are always at their beck and call. They may take advantage of your willingness to help, but they won’t consider you an equal.

It’s time to start setting boundaries. It’s okay to say no sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re being rude or unhelpful, it means you’re taking care of yourself.

2) Apologizing unnecessarily

This is a people-pleasing habit I’ve personally struggled with for a long time.

I used to apologize for everything, even when it wasn’t my fault or out of my control. If someone bumped into me, I would be the one saying sorry. If a meeting had to be rescheduled because of someone else’s mistake, I would still apologize.

It got to the point where my constant apologies were undermining my own self-worth and making me seem less confident.

What I’ve learned is that unnecessary apologies can actually decrease our perceived respectability. It sends a signal that we’re always in the wrong or, worse, that we’re willing to take the blame for things we didn’t do.

Of course, when we’ve genuinely made a mistake, an apology is absolutely necessary. But for all those other times? It’s better to save our sorries for when they really count.

3) Avoiding confrontation at all costs

Dodging confrontation like it’s a fiery hoop in a circus act? Well, darling, you might have just earned your people-pleaser black belt.

Confrontation isn’t fun. It can be uncomfortable, awkward, and downright scary. But avoiding confrontation at all costs is a classic people-pleasing habit that can get in the way of earning respect.

While it may seem easier to just let things slide to keep the peace, it’s often more beneficial to address issues directly. This doesn’t mean you need to be aggressive or confrontational, but rather assertive and direct.

By expressing yourself openly and honestly, you show that you value your own opinions and feelings. And that’s a sure-fire way to earn respect from others.

4) Constantly seeking validation

We all want to feel valued and appreciated. But there’s a big difference between enjoying occasional compliments and constantly seeking validation from others.

When we’re always looking for approval, it suggests that we don’t believe in our own worth, according to psychology. And if we don’t believe in ourselves, why should anyone else?

Constantly seeking validation also places our self-esteem in the hands of others. It makes us dependent on their opinions to feel good about ourselves. And trust me, that’s kind of suicidal!

Haters gonna hate. You can’t please everyone. The key to being truly respected is to cultivate self-validation. If you can’t validate yourself, who can validate you?

5) Over-explaining yourself

Do you ever find yourself explaining your actions or decisions in excessive detail, even when no one asked? That’s a people-pleasing habit that can undermine the respect you receive.

When we over-explain, it can come across as if we’re seeking approval or trying to justify ourselves. It suggests a lack of confidence in our choices.

Let’s be real: you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions, as long as they’re respectful and considerate of others.

6) Neglecting your own needs

This one is close to my heart. I’ve seen so many wonderful, kind-hearted people fall into the trap of neglecting their own needs in order to please others.

It’s a silent sacrifice, made in the name of love, friendship, or professional obligation. But at what cost?

When we constantly put others before ourselves, we risk losing touch with our own needs and desires. We become disconnected from who we truly are and what truly matters to us.

And here’s the thing: people respect those who respect themselves. This includes acknowledging and taking care of your own needs.

It’s not selfish to prioritize yourself sometimes. It’s necessary. And not only will it lead to a healthier and happier you, but it will also command the respect of others.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves is to simply say: “I matter too.”

7) Trying to fit in

I’ve spent a good part of my life trying to fit in. Changing my appearance, my opinions, even my laugh, all in an effort to be accepted. But fitting in is not the same as being respected.

Trying to fit in often means suppressing our true selves. It means hiding our uniqueness in order to blend in with the crowd. But genuine respect is earned by those who dare to stand out and be themselves.

When we embrace our individuality and let our true selves shine, we attract people who appreciate us for who we truly are. And that’s when we earn their respect.

Therefore, let’s stop trying so hard to fit in. Let’s start celebrating our differences and expressing our authentic selves. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.

8) Avoiding difficult conversations

No one likes difficult conversations.

They’re uncomfortable and, well, difficult. But they’re a part of life. Avoiding them is like trying to be the Houdini of dialogue, escaping the uncomfortable knots of confrontation faster than you can say abracadabra.

But here’s the scoop – avoiding those tricky discussions won’t make you a conversational wizard. It makes you look weak. 

What’s more, it can lead to unresolved issues and misunderstandings, which can damage relationships in the long run.

On the other hand, facing these conversations head-on shows that you value honesty and open communication. It shows that you’re willing to tackle problems rather than run from them.

9) Always putting others’ happiness before your own

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: Your happiness matters just as much as anyone else’s.

People-pleasers often feel responsible for other people’s happiness. They go out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of their own happiness.

But here’s the truth: You can’t control other people’s happiness. And it’s not your responsibility. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

Putting your own happiness first isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. And it’s a crucial step towards gaining the respect you deserve.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-respect

As we navigate through the complexities of human relationships, it’s crucial to remember the importance of self-respect.

According to the American Psychological Association, self-respect is the foundation of a healthy self-concept. When we respect ourselves, we are more likely to demand respect from others.

As you bid goodbye to these habits, remember that your worth is not determined by the approval or acceptance of others. Your worth is inherent. And your happiness, needs, and desires matter.