There’s a stark difference between being respected and being liked. It’s easy to get tangled in the web of wanting to be liked by everyone, but true respect? That’s a whole other ball game.

Say goodbye to the notion that gaining respect requires pleasing others. The real secret is, well, quite the opposite.

It’s about letting go of certain behaviors, seven to be exact, that aren’t serving you or your relationships well. It’s about focusing on living authentically, unapologetically you.

Turning your attention inward, away from what others may think and more towards how you feel and act, can make all the difference.

So here’s the deal: if you want to be truly respected in life, then it’s time to kick these seven behaviors to the curb. Let’s dive in.

1) People pleasing

We’ve all been there. You say yes when you want to say no, laugh when you want to cry, agree when you want to disagree. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

This constant striving for approval, this constant fear of disappointing others. It’s a draining cycle that can suck the joy right out of life.

People pleasing is a behavior deeply rooted in the desire to be liked and accepted by everyone around us. The problem here is that it’s not only impossible, it’s also detrimental to our self-esteem and self-worth.

In reality, the respect you gain from people pleasing is shallow at best. It’s not based on who you are, but what you do for others. And that’s not genuine respect.

The truth is, people respect those who are true to themselves, who set boundaries and stick to them, who value their own opinions and ideas as much as they value those of others.

So let’s say goodbye to people pleasing and start standing up for ourselves. Because in the end, you are the one who has to live with your choices, not anybody else. Live authentically and the respect will follow.

2) Over-apologizing

Sorry, but we need to talk about saying sorry. Yes, you read that right!

Apologizing when we’ve done something wrong is a virtue. It shows accountability and emotional intelligence. But when “sorry” becomes a reflex, a filler word we use just to fill the silence or avoid awkwardness, it loses its meaning and power.

Over-apologizing can give others the impression that you’re constantly in the wrong, even when you’re not. It can make you appear unsure, lacking confidence in your actions and words.

Believe it or not, there’s respect to be gained in holding back that unnecessary “sorry”. Instead of apologizing for your existence, start affirming it. Instead of saying “sorry for being late”, try “thank you for your patience”.

See the difference? It’s time to switch our apologetic language to one of gratitude and assertion. It might seem a bit bold at first, but trust me, respect often follows boldness.

3) Codependency

Ah, codependency. This one’s a tough nut to crack. It’s that unhealthy reliance on others for emotional validation and support. It’s when your happiness depends entirely on someone else’s mood, actions, or approval.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and then wrote a book about it! If you’re struggling with this, my book “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship” might be of help to you.

But let’s get back to the main point – why does codependency hinder respect? Well, it gives off the impression that you can’t stand on your own two feet. That you can’t make decisions or find joy independently.

People tend to respect those who are emotionally balanced and self-reliant, who can contribute equally to a relationship rather than leaning heavily on the other person.

It’s time to say goodbye to codependency and hello to self-reliance. I know it’s easier said than done (trust me, I’ve been there), but taking steps towards independence is a sure-fire way to gain respect in your relationships and, most importantly, from yourself.

4) Negativity

The energy we give off has a significant impact on how we’re perceived by others. And let’s be honest, who enjoys being around a constant cloud of negativity?

As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And she was right. When we wallow in negativity, we’re giving ourselves permission to feel inferior.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve had my fair share of negative Nancy moments. We all have those days where the glass just seems half empty. But it’s when those moments turn into a habit that it becomes a problem.

Negativity can be infectious, and it can push people away. It’s hard to respect someone who’s always bringing down the mood or focusing only on the bad side of things.

So let’s wave goodbye to the negative vibes and embrace a more optimistic outlook. Positivity not only makes us more likable but also commands respect. After all, it takes strength to find the silver lining in every cloud.

5) Being judgmental

We’ve all been guilty of passing judgment too quickly. Whether it’s judging a book by its cover or a person by their Instagram profile, it’s something we often do without even realizing.

I remember a time when I too was quick to judge. But then I realized that by doing so, I was closing myself off to understanding others and their unique stories.

Being judgmental can make you seem narrow-minded and unapproachable, which doesn’t exactly earn you respect. On the contrary, people tend to admire those who are open-minded and accepting.

It can be challenging to put aside our judgments and see people for who they truly are, but it’s a crucial step towards gaining respect. So, let’s strive to be less judgmental and more understanding. Trust me, it’s a game-changer.

6) Lack of self-care

Self-care is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days. But it’s more than just bubble baths and face masks. It’s about caring for your mind, body, and soul.

I’ve learned through my own journey that neglecting self-care doesn’t just harm me; it also affects how others perceive me.

As Audre Lorde once said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” When we don’t care for ourselves, we’re telling the world that we don’t value ourselves. And if we don’t value ourselves, why should anyone else?

If you want to be respected, you need to start by respecting yourself. And that begins with self-care.

Before we move on to the last point, remember you can always follow my latest articles and tips on Facebook – I’d love to connect with you there! Now, let’s get to the final behavior to bid goodbye to.

7) Dishonesty

This one hits close to home. We’ve all told little white lies here and there. Maybe to protect someone’s feelings, maybe to avoid confrontation. But here’s the raw truth: dishonesty, no matter how small, chips away at respect.

Dishonesty creates a barrier, a false image that prevents people from seeing the real you. And how can anyone truly respect what they don’t know?

Honesty, on the other hand, lays you bare. It shows strength, courage, and authenticity. Yes, it can be scary to be completely honest, especially when it comes to expressing your feelings or admitting your mistakes.

But trust me when I say this: the respect you gain from being unapologetically honest is worth more than any temporary comfort a lie could provide.

So let’s strip away the lies and embrace honesty in all its raw beauty. Because honesty isn’t just the best policy—it’s the only way to truly earn respect.

A Deeper Dive

The journey towards gaining true respect isn’t a one-time leap—it’s a continuous, evolving process. It requires introspection, courage, and the willingness to let go of certain behaviors that hold us back.

It won’t always be easy; change seldom is. But the rewards – self-respect, genuine relationships, and a life lived authentically – are worth every bit of effort.

As we wrap up this journey together, I want to leave you with something a little more in-depth. A video that pushes the boundary of our discussion further.

This video by Justin Brown discusses the complexities of finding a life partner, reflecting on his personal experience after a failed date and the lessons he learned. From understanding the importance of shared values to the significance of growth and mutual support in a relationship, he shares his top insights to help you navigate the journey of finding a compatible partner.

The key point is this: respect begins at home—within ourselves. It stems from our actions, our behaviors, and most importantly, our authenticity. Let’s keep this journey going and continue to grow into the best version of ourselves, one step at a time.