There’s an important difference between being liked and being respected as you age.

Sure, it’s nice to be liked, but it’s far more rewarding to be respected. And the truth is, people-pleasing behaviors often stand in the way of gaining that respect.

Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit. I’ve learned that as I get older, respect comes from authenticity and setting boundaries, not from bending over backwards to keep everyone happy.

In my experience, there are 8 people-pleasing behaviors that are especially damaging to your self-respect and the respect others have for you.

Here they are. Say goodbye to these behaviors if you want to be respected as you get older.

1) Constantly saying yes

There’s an old saying that ‘No is a complete sentence’. As we age, it becomes crucial to understand the power of saying ‘no’.

I’ve found that constantly saying ‘yes’ to keep others happy is a surefire way to lose respect. It might make you liked temporarily, but it also sends out the message that your time and needs are not as important.

The reality is that we can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. It’s more important to set boundaries and protect your time and energy. Saying ‘no’ when necessary shows that you know your worth and aren’t afraid to assert it.

Remember, it’s not about being rude or dismissive. It’s about respecting yourself enough to know when something doesn’t serve you.

2) Seeking external validation

As someone with a keen interest in Buddhism, I’ve come to understand that seeking validation from others is a road that leads nowhere.

In Buddhism, we are taught the concept of ‘Self-Reliance.’ This means finding happiness and peace within ourselves, rather than seeking it in the approval of others. It’s a principle I’ve found to be incredibly important as I’ve grown older.

The constant need for approval or external validation often leads us to act out of character or compromise our values. It’s a people-pleasing behavior that tends to erode respect over time.

Why? Because it shows that our actions are dictated by others’ opinions, rather than our own beliefs and values.

So, if you want to be respected as you get older, let go of the need for external validation. Stand firm in your convictions and let your actions be guided by your own inner compass.

3) Over-apologizing

Let’s be honest, we’ve all been guilty of this. I know I certainly have. Over-apologizing is a common people-pleasing habit that we often fall into without realizing it.

Apologies are important, there’s no denying that. They show empathy and understanding. But when we say ‘sorry’ for things that don’t warrant an apology, it can undermine our self-assuredness and the respect others have for us.

Over-apologizing can create a perception that we’re in a constant state of error, which is simply not true. It also sends the message that we’re ready to take blame even when it’s not ours to take.

The solution? Try to catch yourself when you’re about to apologize unnecessarily. Replace “I’m sorry” with “Thank you” where possible. Instead of saying “I’m sorry for being late,” say “Thank you for your patience”.

It’s a small shift, but it can make a big difference in how you’re perceived. 

4) Suppressing your true self

In Buddhism, the concept of ‘Authenticity’ holds a significant place. It refers to living in accordance with who you truly are, not who you think others want you to be.

This is something I’ve explored in-depth in my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”.

People-pleasing often leads us to suppress our true selves in favor of a version that we think will be more acceptable to others. But this behavior is harmful to our self-respect and ultimately to the respect others have for us.

When we hide who we truly are, we send the message that we’re not comfortable or confident in our own skin. And if we don’t respect ourselves, how can we expect others to?

As I discuss in my book, Buddhism teaches us that authenticity is key to living a fulfilling life. So, if you want to be respected as you get older, it’s time to stop suppressing your true self to please others.

If you’re interested in checking my book out, you can find it on Amazon here.

5) Always being agreeable

Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, isn’t agreeability a good trait? Well, yes and no.

Agreeability is great in fostering harmony and avoiding unnecessary conflicts. But constantly agreeing with others, even when you don’t truly agree, can actually diminish respect over time.

People respect those who have their own opinions and aren’t afraid to voice them. This doesn’t mean being confrontational or argumentative. Rather, it’s about standing up for your beliefs and values.

So, if a topic comes up and you don’t agree with the popular opinion, don’t be afraid to voice your thoughts. 

Respect is often earned by those who have the courage to stand out from the crowd, not those who blend into it. 

6) Avoiding conflict at all costs

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a fan of conflict. But over the years, I’ve learned that avoiding confrontation at all costs isn’t the best approach, especially if you want to be respected.

In an effort to please everyone, we often let things slide or hold back our feelings to avoid potential conflict. But this can lead to resentment and can give others the impression that they can walk all over us.

Conflict is a part of life. It’s not about getting aggressive or hostile, but about expressing your feelings and standing up for yourself when necessary.

So, if you want to be respected as you get older, don’t shy away from conflict when it’s necessary. It’s a people-pleasing behavior that you need to let go of.

7) Always putting others first

This might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t it a virtue to put others before ourselves? Well, not always.

While it’s commendable to care for others, constantly prioritizing others’ needs over our own can lead to a loss of self-respect and subsequently, the respect of others. It can signal that we’re willing to neglect our own needs and desires, which isn’t a healthy or sustainable way to live.

Don’t get me wrong, being selfless is a wonderful trait. But there’s a fine line between selflessness and self-sacrifice.

The key is balance. Be kind and giving, but also remember to take care of your own needs. It’s not selfish—it’s essential for your well-being and for maintaining the respect you deserve.

8) Overcommitting

In Buddhism, the principle of ‘Right Action’ encourages us to act responsibly and ethically, and to respect our own boundaries as well as those of others.

For people-pleasers, overcommitting is a common trap. We often say yes to too many things in an effort to be helpful and liked. But overcommitting can lead to stress, burnout, and a lack of respect from others.

Why? Because when we overcommit, we often end up not being able to fulfill all our promises. This can make us appear unreliable, which isn’t a trait that earns respect.

Practicing ‘Right Action’ means understanding our own limitations and respecting them. It’s about saying ‘yes’ when we can fully commit, and ‘no’ when we can’t.

So, if you want to be respected as you get older, it’s time to say goodbye to overcommitting. It’s a people-pleasing behavior that doesn’t serve you or the people around you.

Final thoughts

In conclusion, being respected as you grow older isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being authentic, setting boundaries, and knowing when to put your own needs first.

Letting go of these people-pleasing behaviors may not be easy, but it’s a necessary step towards gaining self-respect and the respect of others.

If you want to delve deeper into this topic and learn more about living authentically, I invite you to check out my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”. It provides further insights into the principles of Buddhism that can guide you towards a life of greater respect and fulfillment.

Remember, respect starts with self-respect. And self-respect begins the moment you decide to be true to yourself.