As we get older, being socially outgoing can feel like more of a challenge.

Whether it’s because of packed schedules, shrinking social circles, or simply feeling out of practice, putting yourself out there can seem harder than it used to.

But here’s the thing: being socially outgoing isn’t about suddenly transforming into the life of the party. It’s about letting go of certain habits that quietly hold you back.

I’ve had moments where I caught myself overthinking every little interaction or retreating into my comfort zone because it felt easier.

But the truth is, growing socially takes intentional effort, and sometimes that means leaving behind behaviors that no longer serve you.

Ready to feel more connected and confident? Let’s dive into the eight things you’ll want to say goodbye to if you want to open yourself up socially.

1) Refusing to get out of your comfort zone

Getting socially outgoing, particularly as you age, is like diving into uncharted waters.

A lot of folks talk about the allure of the familiar, that sense of comfort in sticking to what you know and who you know.

But if you’re not feeling that thrill of meeting new people any more, this could be a telling sign that your comfort zone is holding you back.

Does it feel like you could be at any social gathering and still not make a real connection?

Your social life should be vibrant and engaging, not just a checked box on your to-do list. If it’s not, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.

2) Being overly self-conscious

You know, this is something I’ve dealt with personally.

There was a time when I would walk into a room full of people and instead of focusing on them, I’d be consumed by how I looked, sounded, or appeared to them.

I’d obsess over every small detail – the way my laughter sounded a little too loud, or how I might have stumbled over a word while speaking.

It was like my mind was a constant feedback loop of self-doubt and criticism.

This self-consciousness was not only exhausting, it kept me from truly connecting with people and being more outgoing.

When I started to let go of this behavior, that’s when I truly began to enjoy social interactions and connect with people on a deeper level. It’s not easy to overcome, but it’s definitely worth it.

3) Dismissing the power of positivity

There’s a quote by Winston Churchill that’s always resonated with me: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

In the context of becoming more socially outgoing, this holds especially true.

If you constantly see social interactions as difficult or stressful, you’re likely to miss out on the opportunities they present.

Perhaps it’s the opportunity to make a new friend, learn something new, or simply enjoy a good conversation.

But if you’re always focused on the negatives – what could go wrong, how awkward it might get – you’re setting yourself up for failure before even starting.

Saying goodbye to this negative mindset and embracing positivity can be a game changer when it comes to improving your social skills and becoming more outgoing. It’s about recognizing the opportunities in every social interaction, instead of just the difficulties.

4) Ignoring the power of listening

Did you know that we spend close to 60% of our communication time listening, but only retain about 25% of what we hear?

In the rush to be more outgoing, we sometimes forget that a big part of being social is not just talking, but also listening.

If you’re always on the lookout for your chance to speak next, or constantly thinking about what to say while others are talking, you’re not truly engaging with them.

Being a good listener is one of the most underrated social skills. It shows genuine interest in others and fosters deeper connections.

So if you’ve been sidelining this behavior, it’s high time you bring it to the forefront. Start actively listening to others and watch your social bonds strengthen.

5) Avoiding vulnerability

In the journey of becoming more socially outgoing, there’s a little secret I’ve discovered.

Being open, being real, showing a bit of your true self – it’s terrifying, yes, but it’s also incredibly powerful.

If you’re always trying to maintain a perfect facade, to appear flawless in front of others, you’re not allowing them to truly connect with you.

People relate to imperfections, to struggles, to honesty. It’s what makes us human.

Letting go of this fear of vulnerability can be a huge step towards being more socially outgoing. It’s about allowing others to see the real you and embracing the connections that follow.

6) Living in the past

Life is a journey and along the way, we all have our share of ups and downs.

Sometimes, past experiences, especially the unpleasant ones, can hold us back from embracing new social opportunities.

Maybe you’ve been hurt before, or maybe you’ve had a bad experience that makes you hesitant to put yourself out there.

But here’s the thing: not every interaction will be like the ones in the past.

Holding on to these past experiences is like carrying around a heavy backpack – it slows you down and hinders your progress.

To become more social and outgoing, it’s important to let go of these past experiences and approach each new interaction with a fresh perspective. It’s not always easy, but it’s a crucial step towards becoming more socially outgoing.

7) Overthinking every interaction

And then there’s the trap of overthinking, something I’m sure many of us are familiar with.

You replay conversations in your head, dissect every word, every reaction and worry about how you were perceived.

It can become a vicious cycle – the more you overthink, the more anxious you become about future social interactions.

But here’s the crux of it: not every conversation has to be perfect. Not every social interaction needs a post-mortem analysis.

Letting go of this habit of overthinking can open up a whole new world of relaxed, genuine and enjoyable social interactions.

Don’t let your mind turn molehills into mountains. It’s about being in the moment, enjoying the conversation as it unfolds, and most importantly – not sweating the small stuff.

8) Not believing in yourself

This is the big one, the granddaddy of all barriers.

If you don’t believe that you can be more outgoing, if you don’t see yourself as someone who can connect with others, then all the effort in the world won’t help.

The truth is, you have it in you. You have the potential to be more socially outgoing, to connect with people, to bring laughter and joy into conversations.

But first, you need to believe it.

Saying goodbye to self-doubt and embracing self-belief is the most important step you can take on this journey.

Believe in your ability to change, to grow, and to be the person you want to be.

After all, as the saying goes – whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. So why not choose to believe that you can?

Wrapping up

If you find yourself nodding along to these points, it’s likely you’ve recognized some behaviors that are holding you back from being more socially outgoing.

But here’s the silver lining – these habits do not define you.

With self-awareness and a bit of effort, these behaviors can be transformed. The key lies in understanding and embracing change. It’s about honoring your social needs, not at the expense of your comfort or peace of mind.

Start by identifying situations where these behaviors surface. Notice when you hesitate to step out of your comfort zone, when self-consciousness takes over, or when past experiences cloud your present.

Spotting these patterns is half the battle won. The next step is to consciously work on letting them go.

Ask yourself – Am I allowing this behavior to limit my social growth? Does letting go align with my goal of being more outgoing?

Change doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Small, consistent steps can make a big difference over time.

Be patient with yourself on this journey. Celebrate the small victories. Seek support if required. In time, you’ll notice a transformation not just in your social interactions, but also in the way you perceive yourself.

And remember, being more socially outgoing isn’t about impressing others – it’s about expressing yourself.