Maintaining a healthy relationship is less about doing everything right, and more about avoiding certain wrong behaviors.

Being more lovable isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic declarations of love. It’s about the little things you do (or don’t do) that can make a big difference.

I’ve identified eight behaviors that, if avoided, can greatly increase your lovability. This isn’t about manipulation or pretense, it’s about genuine change for a healthier relationship.

So let’s dive into this guide titled “If you want to be more lovable in relationships, avoid these 8 behaviors”, and discover the actions to shun for a more lovable you.

1) Playing the blame game

If there’s one thing that can quickly sour a relationship, it’s the tendency to point fingers.

The blame game may seem like a way to protect yourself from criticism or negative emotions, but it often ends up doing more harm than good. It creates a sense of defensiveness and hostility, which can cause a rift in the relationship.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Instead of assigning blame, take responsibility for your own actions and work towards resolving issues constructively.

Remember, it takes two to tango. If a problem arises in your relationship, consider it as a shared issue that requires joint effort to resolve.

Avoiding the blame game is the first step towards becoming more lovable in relationships. It fosters understanding, compassion, and ultimately, deeper love.

But remember, this isn’t about manipulating your partner into thinking you’re perfect. It’s about authentic behavior change for the betterment of your relationship.

2) Being dismissive of your partner’s feelings

I’ve learned this one the hard way in my own relationships.

There was a time when my partner expressed his feelings about a particular situation that made him uncomfortable. Instead of acknowledging his feelings, I dismissed them, thinking they were trivial.

I can still remember his expression – it was a mix of surprise and disappointment. It was only then I realized the impact of my insensitivity. His feelings were just as valid as mine, and by dismissing them, I was inadvertently belittling him.

From that day forward, I made it a point to never dismiss my partner’s feelings, no matter how insignificant they may seem to me.

Now, when he shares his feelings or concerns, I try my best to understand where he’s coming from and validate his emotions. I’ve noticed that this not only makes him feel valued but also brings us closer as a couple.

So, lesson learned: never be dismissive of your partner’s feelings if you want to be more lovable in relationships. It’s about respect and understanding, not manipulation or control.

3) Not making time for each other

In the fast pace of today’s world, finding quality time for our loved ones can be a challenge. But did you know that couples who spend at least five hours per week together are more likely to have a stronger and more successful relationship?

Spending time together doesn’t necessarily mean going on extravagant dates or trips. It could be as simple as having your meals together, going for a walk, or even doing household chores together.

The key is to be present and engaged during these moments. This shows your partner that you value their company and are committed to the relationship.

Avoiding the trap of being too ‘busy’ for each other is a major step towards being more lovable in relationships. Remember, it’s about genuine connection, not just occupying the same space.

4) Keeping your feelings bottled up

Communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. But many of us have a tendency to keep our feelings tucked away, out of fear of being vulnerable or causing conflict.

However, withholding your true feelings can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and even emotional distance.

Instead of holding back, express your feelings openly and honestly. Let your partner know if something is bothering you, or if you’re feeling happy, sad, excited or scared.

By sharing your inner world, you invite your partner to understand you better and foster a deeper emotional connection.

Avoiding emotional suppression is another key to being more lovable in relationships. Remember, it’s about authenticity and openness, not just keeping the peace.

5) Failing to appreciate your partner

Love isn’t just about grand declarations and romantic gestures. Sometimes, it’s the little things that truly count.

Imagine a day when your partner has been working tirelessly, and you notice their efforts. A simple word of appreciation can light up their face like nothing else. It tells them their efforts don’t go unnoticed, and they are valued for who they are.

When we appreciate our partners, we not only make them feel loved, but also strengthen the bond of our relationship. It’s like watering a plant, nurturing it to grow stronger and bloom brighter.

So, avoid taking your partner for granted. Express your appreciation sincerely and often. It’s not about flattery or empty praise, but genuine recognition of their worth. This is one of the most heartfelt ways to be more lovable in relationships.

6) Trying to change your partner

Once, I found myself constantly trying to change certain habits of my partner. I believed that those changes would make our relationship better. But all it did was create tension and resentment between us.

What I failed to understand then was that accepting him for who he is was more important than trying to mold him into my idea of a perfect partner.

When you love someone, you accept them with all their quirks and idiosyncrasies. This acceptance is what fosters a sense of safety and belonging in a relationship.

So, instead of attempting to change your partner, focus on understanding and accepting them. Remember, it’s about embracing uniqueness, not creating a mirror image of oneself. That’s the beauty of being more lovable in relationships.

7) Neglecting your own needs

While it’s important to consider your partner’s feelings and needs, it’s equally crucial to pay attention to your own.

Many of us, in the bid to keep our partners happy, often neglect our own desires and needs. This, however, can lead to frustration and resentment over time.

A healthy relationship strikes a balance between the needs of both partners. It’s about mutual respect and compromise, not self-neglect or sacrifice.

So, if you want to be more lovable in relationships, avoid neglecting your own needs. Remember to treat yourself with the same love and respect you offer your partner. After all, self-love is the first step towards loving others.

8) Refusing to forgive

Holding onto grudges or past mistakes can poison a relationship. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a powerful antidote. It allows relationships to heal and grow stronger.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning wrong actions. Instead, it means choosing to let go of resentment and anger that could be holding your relationship back.

So, the most important thing to remember if you want to be more lovable in relationships is to embrace forgiveness. It’s not about excusing poor behavior, but about providing a path for growth and reconciliation. It’s the cornerstone of love and understanding.

Final thoughts: It’s all about love

At the heart of every relationship, there’s a force that binds us together – love.

The renowned psychologist, Erich Fromm, in his book “The Art of Loving”, stated that love is not merely a feeling but an action. It requires effort, understanding, and most importantly, the willingness to grow.

Being more lovable in relationships isn’t about perfecting an act or ticking off a checklist. It’s about cultivating genuine habits that foster respect, understanding, and compassion.

Whether it’s avoiding the blame game, appreciating your partner, or embracing forgiveness, it all roots back to love – the essence of our existence.

Remember, relationships are not about losing oneself but finding oneself in the shared journey of growth and love. That’s the beauty of being more lovable in relationships – it enhances not just your relationship with others, but also with yourself.

So take a moment to reflect on these behaviors and how they resonate with your journey towards being more lovable. After all, love is a journey, not a destination.