Emotional availability can feel like a tricky thing to master, especially as we get older and life piles on its responsibilities and past experiences.

But here’s the truth: being emotionally present isn’t just about being there for others—it’s about being honest and open with yourself, too.

I’ve noticed that as we age, certain habits can creep in, subtly creating walls we don’t even realize we’ve built.

If you’ve ever found yourself wanting deeper connections but feeling stuck in old patterns, you’re not alone.

The good news? Change is always possible.

Let’s take a closer look at seven behaviors that might be holding you back and how letting them go can help you become more emotionally available—not just for others but for yourself as well.

1) Avoiding vulnerability

Emotional availability often requires vulnerability – opening up, sharing your feelings, and letting others in. But as we age, we may start to close off as a protective mechanism.

It’s understandable. Life can throw curveballs, and it’s tempting to armor up to avoid getting hurt.

Unfortunately, being closed off can hinder our ability to connect deeply with others. It can create a barrier that stops us from fully experiencing our emotions and those of others around us.

To be more emotionally available, we need to embrace vulnerability. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s a crucial step towards building stronger, more meaningful relationships.

As psychologist Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is the center of difficult emotion, but it’s also the birthplace of every positive emotion we need in our lives.”

2) Holding onto grudges

In my journey towards becoming more emotionally available, one of the biggest hurdles I faced was letting go of grudges.

For years, I held onto resentment and anger towards a friend who had wronged me. It was a heavy weight to carry and it blocked me from being open to other relationships.

I realized that holding onto that grudge was not only hurting me, but it was also stunting my emotional growth.

It was a toxic behavior that kept me stuck in the past and prevented me from fully experiencing the present.

So, I decided to take a step towards forgiveness. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. But with time, I was able to let go.

The freedom and lightness that came with releasing that grudge allowed me to be more open and emotionally available to others.

Letting go of grudges isn’t about forgetting or condoning the actions of others. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional baggage that’s holding you back.

3) Ignoring your own emotions

Emotional availability isn’t just about being open to the feelings of others. It’s also about acknowledging and understanding your own emotions.

Research shows that people who regularly suppress their emotions are more likely to experience psychological distress, such as anxiety and depression.

By constantly brushing your feelings under the rug, you’ll find it harder to connect with others on an emotional level. You can’t be emotionally available to others if you’re not emotionally available to yourself.

It’s crucial to take the time to sit with your feelings, understand them, and validate them. This self-awareness is a key step towards becoming more emotionally available as you get older.

4) Being judgmental

We all have our biases and judgments. It’s part of being human.

But if you’re constantly judging others, it can significantly impact your ability to be emotionally available.

You see, when we judge, we create a barrier between ourselves and others. We see them through the lens of our biases rather than who they truly are, which prevents us from connecting with them on a deeper level.

To become more emotionally available, it’s important to cultivate an attitude of acceptance and understanding towards others.

This doesn’t mean condoning negative behavior or ignoring your own boundaries. Instead, it’s about seeing people as they are, without letting judgment cloud your perception.

Developing the ability to suspend judgment and truly listen can help you connect more deeply with others and become more emotionally available.

5) Fear of change

Psychology shows that change can trigger fear and anxiety in people. And yes, it truly can be uncomfortable for many of us. 

However, resisting it can keep you emotionally closed off from new experiences and connections.

When you let fear of the unknown dictate your actions, you may find yourself stuck in patterns that no longer serve you or your relationships.

Emotional availability requires adaptability—it’s about being willing to grow, evolve, and embrace the uncertainty that comes with life.

The fact is, change is inevitable, and fearing it only creates emotional walls. Instead, try reframing change as an opportunity to learn and expand your emotional capacity.

Start small—embrace one new challenge at a time—and notice how it opens you up to deeper connections with yourself and others.

6) Constant distraction

We live in a world filled with distractions – smartphones, social media, endless to-do lists.

It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of constant busyness and forget to truly connect with those around us.

Being emotionally available requires presence. It means being:

• Fully engaged in the moment
• Actively listening
• Responding to others’ emotions

If you’re constantly distracted, it’s hard to be present. You might miss out on subtle emotional cues or fail to provide the emotional support that someone needs.

To be more emotionally available, it’s important to manage these distractions.

You can try setting aside specific time for deep conversations, turning off notifications during certain hours, or simply practicing mindfulness. There are many ways to cultivate presence in our daily lives.

Remember, emotional availability isn’t about being available 24/7. It’s about being fully present when you are available.

7) Lack of self-care

At the heart of emotional availability is a strong sense of self. If you’re not taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, it’s going to be hard to be available for others.

Self-care is not selfish. It’s essential. It replenishes your emotional well-being and puts you in a better position to connect with others.

This means taking time for activities that nourish you, setting boundaries that protect your mental health, and seeking help when you need it.

When you prioritize self-care, you’re not just taking care of yourself. You’re also laying the foundation for stronger, more meaningful emotional connections with others.

Again, I’ll refer to Brene Brown here. “How much we know ourselves is extremely important but how we treat ourselves is the most important.”

Final thoughts

Becoming more emotionally available doesn’t have to be complicated.

It starts with letting go of the habits that block genuine connection and focusing on being present and open with yourself and others.

As you make these changes, you’ll notice relationships becoming stronger and more fulfilling.

Small, consistent efforts can make a big difference—so start by focusing on one behavior to change and see how it transforms the way you connect.