Alright, I’ve got some bad news. Ready?

You’re not getting any younger.

The good news, however, is that age gives us the time and space we need in order to bloom into our full potential – and nowhere is this more obvious than when it comes to our confidence.

Since it takes some practice to learn how to be charming, it makes perfect sense that it is often people who are older rather than younger who excel at the game of charm.

How about you? Do you want to be more charming as you get older?

If your answer is yes…

Say goodbye to these 7 behaviors.

1) Airing your private business in public

Let’s kick this off with a behavior that’s taken me ages to unlearn: oversharing in public places.

I used to be the person who’d talk loudly about their private matters on the bus or in a café – so much so that I once had a guy turn around to tell me that he wasn’t interested in listening to my dating story and whether I could tune it down.

Ouch.

The issue with airing your private business in public is that while it may be entertaining for you and the other person involved in the conversation, other people’s perception of you is probably less than appealing.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t bad per se.

But if you do want to increase your classiness and charm, my first piece of advice would be to either talk a bit quieter or share your private matters in places where strangers can’t really hear your whole story and give you feedback on it.

2) Disregarding other people’s feelings

The reason why the previous behavior is the complete opposite of charming is that it shows you lack self-awareness and social skills, which are some very important factors of emotional maturity.

And disregarding other people’s feelings ties into that.

If someone confides in you, actively listen and empathize with their situation. If someone offers you a piece of criticism, don’t immediately shut them down – instead, be open and responsive.

Why?

Because at its core, charm is less about how you present yourself and more about how you make other people feel.

And we all want to feel seen, understood, and listened to.

So brush up on those listening skills and watch yourself grow more charming.

3) Neglecting your health and well-being

Just because making other people feel great is more important than your self-presentation doesn’t mean that the latter plays no role.

It very much does.

From having a nice sense of fashion style to excellent personal hygiene or working out, the way you look after yourself affects how you’re perceived, which may in turn impact your “charm score” as it were.

But that’s not all there is to it.

When you invest your time and energy into self-care, you will feel much better as a result. This will boost your confidence levels, and the more comfortable you are in your skin, the higher your confidence levels are.

The more self-assured you become, the more charming you appear, and since other people are more likely to gravitate toward you, give you compliments, and talk to you, you will feel even better.

It’s a positive feedback loop.

And it all starts with self-care.

4) Comparing yourself to other people

They say that comparison is the thief of joy, and I couldn’t agree more.

But comparison does even more damage than that. It doesn’t only make you feel worse about yourself – it also decreases your confidence, leads to poorer self-perception, and generally makes you feel like rubbish.

My advice?

Approach comparison through a different lens.

The truth is that progress isn’t linear.

Sure, John may be a millionaire now, but what you don’t know is that when you’re forty and reaching your financial peak, he’ll go bankrupt.

Rebecca might be doing really poorly right now, but in ten years’ time, she’ll be more confident and successful than ever before.

Life isn’t a linear line moving forward. It’s a constant ebb and flow. One day, you’re on top of the world. The next day, you’ve reached the bottom.

And this is precisely why comparing yourself to other people makes zero sense. Everyone’s on their own timeline, and all you can do is try your best to fulfill your own potential – no matter what other people are up to.

When you throw comparison out of the window, a wonderful thing happens: you become more charming because you’re no longer in an invisible competition against others.

5) Letting your past define you

I get it. Your past was no walk in the park, and there are some things about it – be it grudges or regrets – that you still carry on your shoulders, unable to shake them off.

It’s okay to still be processing something that happened a long time ago, especially if it was very painful. Your grieving process is your own, and no one can dictate how it should go.

But there’s a difference between processing your past and letting it define who you are.

The first is a completely normal part of life. The latter may pose some issues – especially if the identity you’ve created for yourself based on your past is one of insecurity or self-loathing.

Do you know what’s well and truly charming?

Growth. Personal development. Open-mindedness.

There’s nothing you can do to fix the past, but there is a great deal you can do about the present.

And the more you embrace new opportunities for growth, the more charming you will become.

6) Setting no boundaries

Boundary-setting is attractive.

Why?

Because it shows healthy confidence. It shows assertiveness. It shows you know what you want and you’re not afraid to communicate that.

A lack of boundaries, on the other hand, may seem like the safe choice – you might think that the more you bend over backward for others, the more likable you’ll become, for example – but it’s actually just an act of self-sabotage.

You want to be charming, therefore you disregard your needs in order to please others. What you’re not realizing is that most people – at least the ones who are worth keeping around – like it when you put yourself first.

They like to know exactly where they stand with you and they want to see you thrive.

Set some boundaries. Prioritize your mental well-being. The right people will appreciate it.

7) Underestimating the healing power of good relationships

Practice makes perfect.

The more you put yourself out there and socialize, the more opportunities you get to practice your charm, get to know other people, and increase your social skills.

And there’s more.

Did you know that it is our close relationships rather than money or career that determine our happiness the most?

Yes, that’s right.

High-quality friendships are the very foundation of what makes this life so amazing.

And the better your social network is, the less stressed and more validated you’ll feel.

… which will, of course, increase your charm.

So, what are you waiting for?

It’s time to put yourself out there.