Are you tired of being treated like a doormat?

Why does everyone seem happy to trample on you without considering for a second how that makes you feel?

Is it possible that it’s because you let them?

The world is full of kind and caring people who would never dream of using anyone else.

At the same time, though, there are also plenty of people who seem to make a living by taking advantage of others.

Well, it’s time to put an end to being used and start standing up for yourself today.

If you want to be more assertive in life, say goodbye to these nine passive habits, and you’ll see how quickly people will start treating you differently!

1) Working for free

Unless you’ve managed to build your side hustle into a profitable career, chances are good that you’re working for someone else.

So think about it: for every dollar you make, someone else is making at least a few cents. That usually makes sense and cents because you’re diving up different parts of the work.

They might do the managing or talking to clients while you do the deskwork, for example.

It’s all part of the system.

But what happens when you’re asked to stay late, do extra tasks, or <gulp!> take work home with you – for free?

You already have an agreement that you’ll do a certain amount of work for a certain amount of pay, and anyone asking you to do more for the same wages is breaking the agreement they have with you.

It’s that simple.

If you go along with their request, you’re undermining yourself. You’re demonstrating to them that your normal wage is too high since you think nothing of doing extra work.

They’re probably thinking about how they can drop your pay right now.

Show people your true value by not working for free. You know what you’re worth!

2) Never saying no

If you want to be more assertive in life, let’s start with a definition.

It doesn’t mean you have to be bitchy or aggressive.

But what it does mean, according to Collins Dictionary, is: 

“Confident and direct in claiming one’s rights or putting forward one’s views.”

So, an assertive person will be very clear that when they say no, they mean no.

I know it’s hard to be so direct and forceful, especially if you’ve lived your life being passive and indirect. I’m sure you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach that’s telling you such a fat-out refusal would certainly be considered rude.

And you don’t want to be seen that way.

But think about this:

Each one of us has the right to choose what we do and do not want to do.

If someone thinks our refusal is rude, it’s because they don’t see us as having that right to choose. Therefore, they’re treating us with disrespect and not the other way around.

Assertive people have boundaries and stick to them.

They don’t let anyone push beyond their boundaries and make them do things they don’t want to do. And when they feel others trying to do this, they make it clear that it’s unacceptable.

3) Keeping quiet

It’s easy to keep your head down and your mouth shut.

After all, what if you said what you thought, and then people started to challenge your opinions?

What if they got angry with you for even showing that you have thoughts and opinions that are any different from theirs?

Surely, the best thing to do is to keep things to yourself.

If this is a passive habit that you’ve had for your whole life, it probably hasn’t gotten you very far.

Sure, it makes you look like an agreeable person, but that’s not always precisely what you want.

What if you stay quiet, and that makes it seem like you’re agreeing with something you really don’t agree with? Does that make you complicit in it? 

I don’t want to play the Nazi card here because that’s a bit too extreme. 

But if I did, I’d ask if keeping quiet and letting the Nazis take over was in everyone’s best interest.

4) Criticizing yourself

One big thing that stops so many people out there from being assertive is self-criticism.

People get all ready to stand up and say something when a voice in their heads tells them to hold on and check themselves.

Think about our definition above once again.

Being assertive is claiming your rights and putting forward your views.

So, an assertive person isn’t going to be told what to think and isn’t going to accept anyone disrespecting their rights.

But if you’re constantly criticizing yourself, guess who’s doing exactly that?

You.

Your self-criticism might tell you not to stand up for your rights because you don’t deserve them.

You might tell yourself not to express your thoughts because they’re probably wrong or stupid or whatever.

If you keep doing this to yourself, though, you’ll really destroy your self-esteem, and then you’ll lose all faith in your ability to form valid thoughts and opinions.

This is one passive habit that you need to say goodbye to now so that you can start taking care of yourself.

5) Being too “nice”

What does it actually mean to be a nice person?

You don’t make other people bad, or you help and don’t hurt others, right?

But could you still lie?

Well, yeah, if it stops someone from feeling bad.

Could you still do the wrong thing?

You might if going along with the group makes you seem agreeable.

In the end, being nice often has a lot more to do with how we want other people to perceive us.

We want to be liked; that’s a given, but don’t we also want people to know us and like who we are?

I’ve got news for you – not everyone is going to like you, no matter who you are.

If you’re doing things to appear nice rather than genuinely acting out of concern for others and their happiness, then maybe you’re not really all that nice after all. Maybe you’re actually being selfish by not being yourself!

6) Repressing your feelings

So many people keep their emotions bottled up and out of sight, thinking that this is the right thing to do.

After all, who likes seeing people weep in public or blow their stacks?

Emotional regulation is an important sign of maturity, but hiding all of your emotions away surely isn’t.

Why cover up how you feel in the first place?

You might be afraid of people calling you “too emotional” or “unpredictable,” or maybe once again, you’re just trying too hard to be nice.

However, owning your emotions and expressing them in healthy ways is an important part of self-expression. If you’re not even able to express your feelings, you’ll definitely have a hard time asserting yourself with others.

7) Blaming others

One habit that sounds confusing but actually makes you passive is blaming others for things that are your own doing.

When you export blame, however, you also export power. You’re admitting that you don’t have the power to control situations, and that’s how other people got in there and controlled them instead.

Well, assertiveness is all about control of your personal power.

It’s standing up and taking both power and responsibility, just like Spiderman.

Unfortunately, you simply can’t have one without the other, so put an end to this habit, and you’ll be able to start taking control of your life.

8) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact can be seen as aggressive, and that’s why you should never stare directly into the gaze of a silverback gorilla.

But humans aren’t quite so visceral in their reaction to eye contact, thankfully.

Avoiding eye contact is a sign of not being sure of yourself or not being invested in conversations. Either way, it makes you lose power.

If you want to assert yourself, practice in the mirror first until it begins to feel comfortable. Then, start making eye contact more and more in your interpersonal interactions.

Just don’t forget to blink, or you’ll need eye drops!

9) Stressing

Stress can overwhelm you.

When you’re feeling tired, worried, and pushed to your limit, it can be very hard to assert yourself.

Heck, it can be hard to even stay awake!

If you feel nervous and stressed constantly, this is probably a sign that you need more space and time for yourself. You’re probably taking on too much and letting people take advantage of you, too.

So find time and methods to de-stress so you can work on healing yourself.

If you can do that, you’ll have a more level head to help you become more assertive.

Conclusion

If you want to be more assertive in life, say goodbye to these nine passive habits that are holding you down.

You’ll quickly see that you’ll be much more able to stand up for yourself and what you believe in.