Meeting new people is hard.

I’ll admit I’m pretty terrible at it. My combination of introversion and social awkwardness makes it really tough for me to interact with people I don’t already know.

I get nervous and weirdly self-conscious, even though everyone who knows me wouldn’t think of me that way at all.

Still, over the years, I’ve learned a few tricks to being less awkward when meeting others. By ditching some unhelpful behaviors, you can make yourself appear more comfortable, confident, and approachable whenever you meet new people.

Here are the things to avoid:

1) Overthinking

There’s a reason I’m starting with this one.

As you move through this list, you’ll learn about bad behaviors that can make you appear awkward, uncomfortable, or disinterested in others. It’s important to keep these things in mind when meeting new people to make sure you’re not doing them.

But it’s also important not to overthink.

Often, this is the biggest reason people come across as awkward, shy, nervous, or uncomfortable.

It’s because you are so focused on trying to make a good first impression that you appear stiff, like you’re putting on an act. Because you are.

But when people can tell, that makes them feel uncomfortable around you. They may even start to think you’re a fake.

It’s not easy to stop yourself from overthinking. It’s tempting to focus on every word, every gesture, every facial expression you make.

But remember this: everyone has some degree of difficulty meeting new people, even those who seem extremely confident and comfortable.

And 99% of the time, people are too focused on themselves to notice if you pull a weird face or say something a bit off.

2) Monopolizing the conversation

We all know that awkward silence can be a conversation killer, especially when you’re meeting new people. You want the conversation to flow easily and naturally, without any uncomfortable silences.

That can tempt you to talk too much.

The easiest way to keep a conversation going is to just keep talking. And ultimately, most of us are at our best when we are talking about ourselves.

But if you talk on and on about yourself without letting the other person get a word in, you make yourself seem self-absorbed and disinterested in them.

In psychology, this is called conversational narcissism.

“An inadvertent narcissist is a person who behaves in highly egocentric and self-focused ways without having any insight into the source of these behaviors as coming from one’s own personality,” writes psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne. “One very obvious route to gaining this understanding comes from listening to yourself speak.”

On the other hand, you don’t have to be an actual narcissist to sound like one.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about yourself in moderation. But make sure that you leave space for the other person to talk too.

A helpful strategy is to ask questions about them and their life to show that you are interested. Open-ended questions can help get them talking about the things that interest them, banishing those awkward pauses without you having to say anything.

3) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is such a tricky thing, especially when meeting new people.

Too little, and you look shy, disinterested, and possibly even untrustworthy. Too much, and you can come across as too intense or even creepy.

Eye contact is an absolute social minefield.

But getting it right can go a long way toward easing awkwardness and making both yourself and the people around you feel comfortable.

Check out this study, which found that three seconds seems to be the preferred length of time to make eye contact. That doesn’t mean you need to be counting to exactly three in your head, but it does give you an idea of how long you should stay looking at a person’s eyes.

Then, look away, and look back.

That way, you can maintain eye contact in a natural way without things getting awkward.

4) Using your phone too much

This one is becoming more and more common. And different generations seem to have different ideas on how much phone use is acceptable while in a conversation with other people.

The thing is, phones are a lifeline for socially awkward people in lots of ways. They allow you to interact with other people from around the world in a way that feels more controlled and less exposing the meeting face-to-face.

But over time, you may come to rely on this kind of electronic interaction, making you less able to meet with people in person.

Checking your phone while talking with others can often come off as rude. It makes you seem disinterested in the conversation you’re having, like you are more concerned with what’s going on elsewhere.

So as a general rule, the best thing to do is put the phone away, especially when meeting new people. Unless you get a call that is a genuine emergency, focus on the people you are with. Your phone can wait.

5) Missing social cues

This is a really hard one.

One of the funny things about humans as we have this concept of manners. And although the idea of manners exists in just about every human society, each society has its own rules for what is good and bad manners.

Plus, different people in the same society often disagree on what is and isn’t polite.

Many times, manners basically mean not saying what you really think. That’s why people come up with social cues that are supposed to tell you what they are thinking without actually saying it.

So, for instance, if you’re visiting someone and they say something like, “well, it’s getting late…”, what they really mean is that it’s time for you to go.

Or, they may put on their coat or start gathering their things to tell you that they want to end the conversation.

In some ways, it takes a lifetime to really master all the different social cues people use, and it’s inevitable that you will miss some of them sometimes.

Just pay attention to the things people say and do that may have another meaning behind them. Ultimately, this is something you learn with practice.

6) Making inappropriate jokes

I’ll admit that I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Some of the things I laugh at and joke about don’t seem funny to other people at all.

And I’ve learned the hard way that my sense of humor is not for everyone.

Making a joke can be a great way to ease the tension of meeting new people and make the conversation more enjoyable. But make sure you keep your jokes more mainstream so that you don’t offend anyone.

We don’t all find the same things funny, and making an off-color joke is one of the quickest ways to make people dislike you.

7) Being negative

Nobody likes being around a negative person.

These are people who suck all the energy out of the room by constantly complaining about their lives, the state of the world, or anything else. People who focus only on the bad things in life, and seem to completely ignore all the good that is in the world.

Now, maybe you’re not actually a negative person. Maybe you’ve just had a bad day or are going through a tough time.

But people you have just met are not the right audience to unburden yourself and vent about all your problems. Do that, and you’ll just come off as negative, gloomy, and no fun to be around.

8) Having bad body language

This is another tough one, because it may not have occurred to you what you are communicating through your body language.

The thing is, we all speak body language, whether we know it or not. And we pick up on the body language of others and use it to form our impressions of them.

Bad body language includes things like:

• not maintaining eye contact
• not smiling
• slouching when sitting down
• not standing up straight
• crossing your arms

As strange as it might sound, all these things can make you seem defensive or uninterested in the conversation. So practice good body language to make people feel more comfortable.

9) Worrying too much

Finally, I’m going to say it again. While it’s important to ditch these bad behaviors, it’s also important not to worry too much about how you’re coming across to others.

Remember, the key is to seem natural, confident, and comfortable with yourself. Do that, and you’re already half way to making meeting new people much less awkward.