Confidence is a tricky beast. Authentic confidence, even more so.

It isn’t just about puffing your chest out and speaking loudly. It’s about knowing who you are, embracing it, and not being afraid to show it.

However, certain behaviors can undermine your confidence, making it seem more like a facade than the real deal.

In this article, I’ll help you identify what these confidence-killing habits are and how to ditch them.

1) People pleasing

Authentic confidence doesn’t mean trying to please everyone around you.

Actually, it’s quite the opposite.

When you’re constantly seeking approval, it can come off as insecurity or a lack of confidence in your own decisions. It’s exhausting and often fruitless, since you can’t please everyone all the time.

Embracing who you are means accepting that not everyone will agree with you or like your decisions. That’s okay. Confidence comes from standing by your values and decisions, not from external validation.

So, if you want to boost your authentic confidence, start by saying goodbye to the habit of people-pleasing. Adopt a mindset of self-assurance and trust in your own judgment.

Because remember, authentic confidence is about pleasing yourself first, not others.

2) Self-doubt

We all have that little voice in the back of our heads that sometimes questions our abilities, right?

I remember when I first started public speaking. I’d stand in front of the mirror, rehearsing my speech, but all I could hear was that inner voice saying, “What if you mess up? What if they don’t like what you have to say?”

But here’s the thing: those questions were creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I doubted myself, the more nervous I became, and the more likely I was to stumble during my speech.

When I realized this, I made a conscious effort to silence that self-doubt. I started replacing those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of worrying about messing up, I started telling myself, “You’ve prepared well. You’ve got this.”

And you know what? It worked.

So if you want to be authentically confident, it’s time to say goodbye to self-doubt. Start believing in yourself and your abilities. Because once you do, others will too.

3) Negative self-talk

How we talk to ourselves matters. A lot.

In fact, research has shown that the way we talk to ourselves can impact our overall mood and even our physical health.

Negative self-talk can be a significant confidence killer. It’s like having a personal bully, constantly putting you down and chipping away at your self-esteem.

If you’re constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough, you’ll start to believe it. So, it’s time to flip the script.

Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of “I can’t do this”, say “I can learn how to do this”.

By changing the narrative in your head, you’ll start to build authentic confidence and believe in your own capabilities.

4) Fear of failure

Failure is often seen as something to be avoided at all costs, but this mindset can seriously hinder your confidence.

You see, failure is not the end of the road. It’s just a detour. It’s an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to become stronger.

When you fear failure, you limit your potential. You avoid taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone, which are both crucial for personal growth and building confidence.

So if you want to be authentically confident, embrace failure. See it as a stepping stone towards success, rather than a pitfall.

5) Comparing yourself to others

In this era of social media, it’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. We see their highlight reels and automatically think that our behind-the-scenes can’t match up.

But here’s the thing: comparison is the thief of joy – and confidence.

When you constantly compare yourself to others, you’re setting unrealistic expectations and fostering self-doubt. You’re focusing on what you lack, rather than what you have.

Authentic confidence comes from appreciating your own journey, your own achievements, and your own growth.

So say goodbye to comparisons. Focus on being the best version of you, not a second-rate version of someone else.

6) Ignoring your needs

It’s easy to lose sight of our own needs in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We get caught up in the demands of work, family, and other responsibilities, often neglecting our own wellbeing.

But remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Ignoring your needs – whether it’s rest, nourishment, self-care, or emotional support – can deplete your confidence over time. It subtly sends a message that you’re not important, that other things take precedence over you.

Authentic confidence comes from acknowledging and prioritizing your needs.

If you put yourself first, your confidence will quickly grow.

7) Avoiding feedback

Once upon a time, I used to be terrified of feedback. The mere thought of someone critiquing my work or pointing out areas for improvement would make my stomach churn.

But then I realized that avoiding feedback was doing more harm than good. It was keeping me from growing, improving, and becoming better at what I do.

Feedback, when given constructively, is a gift. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but that discomfort is often a sign that you’re growing.

Authentic confidence comes from being open to feedback and using it as a tool for growth.

Embrace the learning opportunities it provides and allow it to help you become the best version of yourself.

8) Living in the past

Holding onto past failures, disappointments, or regrets can significantly hinder your confidence. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack – it slows you down and makes every step forward more difficult.

Living in the past prevents you from seeing and seizing present opportunities. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of regret and self-blame, which is damaging to your confidence.

Authentic confidence comes from being present, embracing the now, and looking forward to the future.

It’s time to let go of the past, forgive yourself for your mistakes, and move on.

9) Not believing in yourself

At the heart of authentic confidence is a deep-rooted belief in yourself and your abilities.

If you don’t believe in yourself, it’s hard to expect others to do so. It’s like trying to sell a product that you don’t believe in – it just won’t work.

Believing in yourself means trusting your abilities, acknowledging your strengths, and having faith in your capacity to overcome challenges.

So if you want to be authentically confident, start by believing in yourself. Because once you do, everything else will fall into place.

Confidence is a journey, not a destination

The journey to authentic confidence is unique to each individual. It’s a journey filled with self-discovery, growth, and sometimes, uncomfortable realizations.

But remember this: every step you take, every behavior you change, brings you closer to the person you aspire to be.

Authentic confidence isn’t about being flawless. It’s about embracing your imperfections and transforming them into strengths. It’s about standing tall in your truth and not letting the noise of the world drown out your inner voice.

As the great philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”

So as you embark on this journey of self-improvement, remember to be patient with yourself. Change takes time.

But each day brings you one step closer to becoming the confident person you were always meant to be.