There’s a real distinction between being genuinely authentic and being a people-pleaser.

Authenticity is about staying true to who you are and what you believe in. It’s about making choices based on your own values, not because you’re trying to win the approval of others.

Being a people-pleaser, on the other hand, often means bending over backwards to make others happy, even if it goes against your own principles and desires.

If you’re aiming for authenticity, there are certain people-pleasing habits you’ll need to kick to the curb.

Let’s dive into these 9 habits you need to say goodbye to if you want to live authentically.

1) Saying ‘yes’ to everything

Living as a genuinely authentic person means understanding that you can’t please everyone, all the time.

If you’re a habitual people-pleaser, you might find yourself saying ‘yes’ to every request or demand that comes your way. This often leads to overcommitment, stress, and neglecting your own needs and wants.

Being authentic is about being true to yourself first and foremost. And sometimes, that means saying ‘no’.

It’s not easy to turn down requests, especially if you’re worried about letting people down or facing their disappointment. But remember, your time and energy are precious. You have the right to choose how you spend them.

So the next time you’re asked to do something that doesn’t align with your values or doesn’t feel right to you, give yourself permission to say ‘no’.

It may feel uncomfortable at first, but standing up for yourself is a crucial step towards living authentically. Say goodbye to saying ‘yes’ to everything and hello to preserving your energy for things that truly matter to you.

2) Pretending to agree

The desire to be liked can often lead us to pretend to agree with others, even when we don’t.

I remember a time when I was at a dinner with friends and the conversation turned to a recent movie release. Everyone was raving about how fantastic it was, but I had a different opinion. I found the film boring and overrated.

At first, I nodded along, not wanting to rock the boat. But then, I realized that this was a people-pleasing habit I needed to break.

Taking a deep breath, I respectfully shared my differing viewpoint. To my surprise, instead of causing an argument or making me the outcast, it sparked an interesting discussion about various movie preferences.

Being authentic means being honest about your thoughts and feelings, even if they’re not popular. It doesn’t mean you have to be confrontational or unkind, but simply expressing your true self.

So say goodbye to pretending to agree and start embracing your unique perspective.

3) Over-apologizing

“Sorry” is a word that gets thrown around a lot, especially by those of us who are prone to people-pleasing.

You might have noticed that some people apologize for things that aren’t their fault, or for simply existing. This is a common trait among people-pleasers, who often feel the need to apologize for taking up space or time.

But here’s something you might not know: Studies have found that over-apologizing can actually decrease your credibility and undermine your self-confidence.

Being authentic means acknowledging when you’re genuinely in the wrong and offering sincere apologies. But it also means recognizing that you don’t have to apologize for having needs, expressing your opinion, or simply being yourself.

So it’s time to say goodbye to over-apologizing and start asserting your rightful place in the world.

4) Suppressing your true feelings

Being authentic means being true to your feelings and emotions. However, people-pleasers often suppress their true feelings in an attempt to keep the peace or avoid conflict.

You might find yourself smiling and nodding, even when you’re upset or hurt. Or you might hide your excitement or joy in fear of overshadowing others.

This habit not only minimizes your own experiences but also prevents genuine connections with others. Authentic relationships are built on honesty and mutual respect for each other’s feelings.

So say goodbye to suppressing your true feelings. Start expressing your emotions honestly and respectfully. It’s not always easy, but it’s a vital step towards living a genuinely authentic life.

5) Avoiding confrontation

People-pleasers are often conflict-avoidant, shying away from any form of confrontation. This could mean not standing up for yourself when you’re being treated unfairly or not expressing your dissatisfaction when your needs are not being met.

While it’s true that unnecessary conflict can be stressful, avoiding confrontation altogether is not the solution. In fact, it can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and dysfunctional relationships.

Being authentic means standing up for your beliefs and values, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult. It involves constructive communication and the courage to face conflicts head-on.

Say goodbye to avoiding confrontation and embrace the growth and learning that comes from tackling conflicts in a respectful and assertive manner.

6) Neglecting your own needs

One of the most heartbreaking habits of people-pleasers is the tendency to neglect their own needs. This can involve putting others’ desires before your own, even when it leaves you feeling drained or unfulfilled.

You might skip meals, lose sleep, or cancel plans to accommodate others. You might even ignore your own dreams and aspirations in an attempt to make others happy.

But here’s the truth: You matter. Your dreams, aspirations, and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. Being authentic means acknowledging your needs and taking steps to meet them.

So say goodbye to neglecting your own needs. Start treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you offer others. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary for your wellbeing and authenticity.

7) Feeling the need to explain yourself

Have you ever found yourself justifying your decisions or actions to others, even when it’s not necessary? I used to do this all the time.

I would explain why I chose to spend my weekend reading a book instead of going out, or why I preferred working alone rather than in a group. I felt like I needed to provide an explanation for my choices, as if they were up for debate or needed validation.

But over time, I realized that this was another people-pleasing habit that was hindering my authenticity.

When we’re authentic, we understand that our choices and decisions are valid simply because they’re ours. We don’t need external validation or approval to justify them.

So, it’s time to say goodbye to feeling the need to explain yourself. Trust that your choices are valid and start owning them without the need for justification or approval.

8) Seeking constant validation

People-pleasers often seek constant validation from others. They may rely heavily on external praise or approval to feel good about themselves or their actions.

While it’s natural to enjoy compliments and positive feedback, relying on them for self-worth can be harmful. It can lead to a cycle of constantly performing for others’ approval, rather than being true to yourself.

Being authentic means finding validation within yourself. It’s about recognizing your own worth and celebrating your achievements, no matter how big or small.

So say goodbye to seeking constant validation from others. Start acknowledging your own worth and cultivate self-validation. Celebrate your victories, learn from your mistakes, and know that you are enough just as you are.

9) Changing yourself to fit in

The ultimate people-pleasing habit is changing yourself to fit in. It’s altering your personality, interests, or beliefs to match those of others. It’s pretending to be someone you’re not, just to be accepted.

But here’s the thing: Authenticity is about being true to who you are, at your core. It’s about embracing your unique self and not being afraid to show it to the world.

So say goodbye to changing yourself to fit in. Embrace your individuality and let your true self shine. After all, there is only one you in this world, and that’s your superpower.