It’s one of those things we all think we’re good at, but the reality is often different.

You might believe you’re a great listener, or at least you used to be back in the day.

But with time, you’ve noticed your attention drifting during conversations and your patience wearing thin.

It’s not always a grand revelation.

Sometimes it’s just a subtle hint – a friend’s annoyed glance or a colleague’s frustrated sigh – that makes you realize you’re not as attentive as you thought.

Even though your instinct is to resist change, there’s this nagging feeling that it’s high time you let go of some old habits in order to become a better listener.

Here’s how to identify those habits that are standing in the way of your listening skills, no matter how hard it might be to bid them goodbye.

1) Holding onto the habit of interrupting

It’s a habit that’s as old as time itself.

You find yourself cutting off others in mid-sentence, or finishing their thoughts for them.

It might seem harmless, or even efficient to some, but it’s a surefire way to make the person you’re talking to feel unheard.

This is one habit that needs to be kicked to the curb if you want to become a better listener.

Sure, there was a time when this wasn’t much of an issue.

But now, as you grow older and conversations become more intricate and layered, this habit is doing more harm than good.

If you’re constantly interrupting, how can you truly understand what the other person is trying to say?

2) Being overly focused on your own thoughts

I’ll admit it. I’ve been guilty of this one.

There was a time when I’d be in a conversation but my mind would be miles away, thinking about my own responses or what I was going to have for dinner or that email I forgot to reply to.

It’s easy to get caught up in your own thoughts, especially as you get older and there’s more on your plate.

But this habit can seriously hinder your ability to listen effectively.

Here’s the deal: listening isn’t just about hearing the words that are being said.

It’s about being present in the moment and paying attention to the nuances of the conversation, the emotions, the unspoken messages.

By being overly focused on my own thoughts, I missed out on so much of what was being communicated.

And it wasn’t until I made a conscious effort to let go of this habit that I truly began to improve as a listener.

3) Failing to give your full attention

Ernest Hemingway once said, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks when I first read it.

Isn’t it true that we’re often physically present in a conversation, but mentally we’re somewhere else entirely?

We’re checking our phone, glancing at the TV, or just zoning out. And that’s not real listening.

Hemingway was onto something.

To truly listen, you need to give your full attention to the person speaking.

This means putting away distractions and being present in the moment.

But as we get older, our minds tend to get busier and our attention spans shorter.

It becomes all too easy to let our attention wander during conversations.

So, if you’re guilty of only half-listening, it’s time to say goodbye to this habit.

Start practicing giving your full attention during conversations.

You’ll be surprised by how much more you learn and understand when you truly listen!

4) Not asking follow-up questions

 

Did you know that the average person only remembers about 25% to 50% of what they hear?

That’s right, half of what you’re told goes in one ear and out the other.

Now, let’s put this into perspective.

If you have a 10-minute conversation, it means you’re likely to forget half of it within moments.

And that’s not great for effective communication or building solid relationships.

One habit that can help with this memory dilemma is asking follow-up questions.

It shows the speaker that you’re engaged and interested in what they’re saying.

Plus, it helps cement the information in your mind.

But as we age, we sometimes forget to ask these questions, or we feel like we don’t want to bother the speaker.

We need to drop this habit.

Start asking more follow-up questions during your conversations.

Not only will this help you remember key details, but it will also make you a more attentive and thoughtful listener.

5) Letting your emotions take over

We’ve all been there.

A conversation gets heated, and suddenly we’re no longer listening to understand, but to reply.

Our emotions are driving the conversation, and it’s no longer about what the other person is saying, but about how we’re feeling.

This habit is a silent conversation killer.

It doesn’t just hinder effective communication, but it can also cause misunderstandings and conflicts.

As you grow older, you’d think that it would be easier to keep your emotions in check.

But often, we find ourselves falling into the same emotional patterns.

It’s time to take a step back and say goodbye to this habit.

The next time you feel your emotions taking over in a conversation, take a deep breath, and remind yourself to listen first.

6) Failing to make eye contact

This might seem like a small thing, but it’s far from it.

Eye contact is a powerful tool for effective listening.

It signals to the speaker that you are fully engaged and interested in what they’re saying.

As we age, we can sometimes forget the importance of nonverbal cues like eye contact.

We might find ourselves looking around the room, checking our watch, or staring blankly into space while someone is talking to us.

But this lack of eye contact can send the wrong message.

It can make the speaker feel unimportant or ignored.

7) Making assumptions instead of seeking clarity

We all do it. Someone’s talking, and we think we know where the conversation is headed, so we start making assumptions.

We fill in the blanks with our own ideas and experiences instead of waiting for the speaker to finish.

As we get older, we’ve seen and heard a lot.

It’s easy to think we already know what someone is going to say or mean.

But making assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications.

It’s time to break this habit. The next time you find yourself assuming, stop and ask for clarification instead.

It shows respect for the speaker’s thoughts and feelings and ensures that you’re not missing any vital information.

After all, effective listening is about understanding, not just hearing. And seeking clarity is an essential part of that process.

8) Forgetting to practice active listening

This one might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many of us forget to actively listen during conversations.

Active listening involves fully engaging in the conversation, responding appropriately, and remembering what’s being said.

It means putting aside your own thoughts and focusing solely on the speaker.

As we age, we sometimes fall into the habit of passive listening – hearing the words but not really engaging with them.

This can lead to misunderstandings and make the speaker feel unheard or unimportant.

The final note

If you see yourself in these habits, don’t panic. It’s never too late to change.

The first step toward becoming a better listener is recognizing the habits that are holding you back.

Whether it’s interrupting others, getting lost in your own thoughts, or letting emotions take over, acknowledging these habits is crucial.

Now that you’re aware of these habits, it’s time to consciously work on letting them go.

Start small – perhaps by making more eye contact during conversations or asking more follow-up questions.

Gradually, you can work on the bigger challenges, like keeping your emotions in check or practicing active listening.

Change won’t happen overnight, and that’s okay.

It’s a process, and every step you take towards being a better listener is a victory in itself.