Being a positive influence on your child can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope.

Between balancing your own responsibilities, managing stress, and navigating everyday life, it’s easy to fall into habits that aren’t always helpful.

I get it—none of us are perfect, and parenting doesn’t come with a manual.

But here’s the thing: the way we show up for our kids today plays a huge role in shaping who they become tomorrow. Our children are like sponges, soaking up everything we do and say, even when we don’t realize it.

The habits we model can affect their confidence, self-esteem, and how they approach the world around them. That’s why taking a step back and reflecting on our own behaviors is so crucial.

It’s not about being a perfect parent—because that doesn’t exist—it’s about striving to be better. By letting go of certain habits, we can create a healthier, more supportive environment where our children can thrive.

Let’s take a look at eight habits that, once left behind, can help you become the positive influence your child needs.

1) Ignoring your child’s feelings

This is a tough one.

We’ve all been there. You’re tired, stressed, and your child comes to you with feelings or problems that seem minor in the grand scheme of things.

It’s easy to brush them off, to tell them they’re overreacting, or to simply not engage.

The thing is, for our children, these feelings are big. They’re real and they’re important.

If you constantly dismiss or ignore their feelings, you’re sending a message that their emotions aren’t valid or important. That’s not the kind of influence you want to have.

Instead, take the time to validate their feelings. Let them express themselves and acknowledge their emotions.

It might not always be easy, but it’s one of the most profound ways you can influence your child’s emotional growth.

2) Neglecting one-on-one time

In the chaos of everyday life, it’s easy to get swept up in the hustle. Work, chores, errands – they all seem to pile up, leaving little room for anything else.

One day, my child came up to me and said, “We never spend time together anymore.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was there, but I wasn’t present. I was in the same room but not really with them.

Psychologists and child development experts agree that one-on-one time is crucial. It’s not about grand outings or expensive gifts. It could be as simple as reading a bedtime story, cooking together, or just sitting down for a chat.

When you regularly spend quality time with your child, you’re showing them that they’re important to you. That you value them and their company. 

3) Holding onto your anger

There’s a quote by Buddha that goes, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

It might seem a bit heavy, but it’s incredibly relevant when it comes to parenting.

I’m not talking about the occasional frustration or annoyance. I’m talking about the deep-seated anger, the kind that lingers and taints everything you do.

Maybe it’s anger at a situation, at another person, or even at yourself. But when you hold onto that anger, it affects your interactions with your child.

They pick up on your moods more than you think. They can sense the tension, the harsh words, the short fuse.

And it’s not healthy for them – or for you.

So take a deep breath. Let go of that anger. It’s not always easy, but it’s one of the best things you can do for both yourself and your child.

4) Skipping self-care

I’m sure you already know that the oxygen masks in airplanes are always instructed to be put on yourself before helping others.

There’s a good reason for that. You can’t help others if you’re not taking care of yourself.

The same principle applies in parenting. If you’re constantly running on empty, skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or neglecting your own needs, it’s going to affect your ability to be a positive influence in your child’s life.

Your child watches and learns from you. If they see you neglecting yourself, they might think that’s the norm.

Take care of yourself. Make sure you’re eating right, sleeping well, and taking time out to relax and recharge.

It’s not selfish – it’s necessary. And it’s a valuable lesson to pass on to your child: that self-care is important and necessary.

5) Failing to set boundaries

Boundaries. They’re not just for you – they’re for your child as well.

You see, boundaries are not just about restrictions. They’re about respect. They teach your child that every individual, including themselves, has personal space and limitations that need to be acknowledged and respected.

When you fail to set boundaries, you’re sending the message that it’s okay to overstep, to disregard others’ feelings and rights. That’s not the kind of message you want to send.

Not only is it important to teach your child to respect others’ boundaries, it’s also about teaching them to set their own. That’s a lesson that will serve them well in life.

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

Life is full of difficult conversations. And as much as we’d like to, we can’t shield our children from this fact forever.

Whether it’s about the loss of a pet, the reason behind a family member’s sudden absence, or the harsh realities of the world – these subjects are tough. But they’re also essential.

When you avoid these difficult conversations, you’re not sparing your child from pain. Instead, you’re preventing them from learning how to cope with it.

It’s not about dropping harsh truths on them without consideration. It’s about guiding them through these challenging topics with sensitivity and understanding.

Sure, it’s uncomfortable. But these conversations are crucial for their emotional growth and resilience. 

This brings me to the next point…

7) Over-complicating communication

You know, children are pretty much straight shooters. They say it like it is, without any sugarcoating.

Sometimes, as adults, we tend to over-complicate things. We beat around the bush, we use big words when simple ones would do, we try to cushion the blow or avoid the truth. But all this does is confuse them.

If you want your child to learn the importance of truth and transparency, clear, simple communication is key.

You don’t have to dumb things down, though; just be direct and honest. Sure, it’s important to be sensitive and considerate of their feelings, but that doesn’t mean avoiding the truth.

8) Forgetting to lead by example

This is it, the big one. The most crucial habit you need to say goodbye to if you want to be a better influence in your child’s life.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” Well, it’s never more true than in parenting.

You can tell your child a thousand times to be kind, to be honest, to respect others. But if they don’t see you doing these things, your words might as well fall on deaf ears.

Your child looks up to you. They watch how you behave, how you treat others, how you deal with situations. And they learn from it.

So lead by example. Be the person you want your child to be. Because at the end of the day, the best way to influence your child is to show them how it’s done.

The final thought

If you’ve read through these points and found yourself nodding along, don’t worry. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It simply means there are things you can work on, just like all of us.

Being a parent isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being willing to learn, grow, and adapt for the sake of your child. And if you’re here, reading this, you’re already on the right track.

Take a moment to reflect on these habits. Which ones resonate with you? Where can you make some changes? It’s not about a complete overhaul – small steps can make a big difference.

With patience, persistence, and a whole lot of love, you can say goodbye to these habits and become the positive influence your child needs.