Attracting people is more about being genuine than putting on a show. It’s about letting go of habits that may push others away, rather than trying to adopt new, flashy ones.

At the core, it’s about giving others a choice to appreciate your authenticity, rather than forcing a persona upon them.

In this article, we’re going to discuss nine habits you might want to consider ditching if you’re looking to attract people without trying too hard. So let’s dive in and discover how your true self can be your greatest asset.

1) Trying too hard to impress

It’s common to want to put our best foot forward when meeting new people. We all have a desire to be liked and accepted.

However, there’s a fine line between showcasing your best qualities and overdoing it. Trying too hard to impress others can often have the opposite effect.

People are usually attracted to authenticity, not a performance. Overdoing it can make you come across as insincere or even desperate. And let’s be honest, desperation isn’t a great look on anyone.

The key is to be genuine. Allow people to see you for who you truly are, instead of who you think they want you to be.

2) Neglecting self-care

Life can be busy. There’s work, there are social commitments, family obligations. And in the midst of all this, it’s easy to forget about taking care of ourselves.

I’ve been there myself. A few years back, I was so caught up in my career and social life that I neglected my own wellbeing. I was surviving on caffeine, sleeping less, and exercise was a distant memory.

But what I didn’t realize then was that neglecting self-care doesn’t just affect you physically; it also impacts how you come across to others. You can appear tired, stressed, and even unapproachable.

When I finally took a step back and started prioritizing self-care, everything changed. Not only did I feel better, but people seemed more drawn to me. There’s something to be said about the attraction of a healthy mind and body.

So if you’re looking to attract people without trying too hard, make sure you’re not neglecting your self-care. It may seem counterintuitive, but taking time for yourself can actually make you more attractive to others.

3) Being overly negative

Negativity has a way of spreading. It’s like a dark cloud that can cast a shadow over interactions, making them less enjoyable for everyone involved.

Think about it. People generally prefer to be around those who are positive and upbeat. This doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time, but constant complaining or pessimism can be off-putting.

In fact, studies have shown that our brains are wired to respond more positively to positive interactions. This means that being positive isn’t just about making others feel good, it’s also about creating an environment that our brains naturally enjoy.

4) Always seeking approval

It’s natural to want validation and approval from others. But when it becomes a constant need, it can be off-putting to those around you.

People are likely to be attracted to those who are confident and who value their own opinions. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care about others’ opinions at all, but rather, you shouldn’t let them dictate your actions or self-worth.

Always seeking approval can also make you come across as unsure or indecisive. People appreciate those who can make decisions and stick by them.

5) Not listening actively

Active listening is a skill that many people overlook. It’s more than just hearing the words someone is saying; it’s about understanding the underlying message and showing genuine interest.

People are naturally drawn to those who show them that they’re valued and heard. By not listening actively, you can unintentionally make someone feel unimportant or dismissed.

It’s not enough to just nod along in a conversation. You need to engage, ask questions, and show empathy. This shows the person you’re speaking with that you genuinely care about what they have to say.

6) Being judgmental

We all have our own stories, our own journeys, and our own struggles. It’s easy to judge others based on our own experiences and perspectives, but it’s rarely helpful or fair.

Being judgmental can create a barrier between you and the person you’re interacting with. It can make them feel uncomfortable, misunderstood, or even attacked.

Remember, everyone is doing their best with the tools they have. Instead of jumping to judgments, try to understand their perspective. Show empathy and compassion.

7) Not embracing vulnerability

Vulnerability can feel like a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can feel risky and uncomfortable to open up and show our true selves. On the other hand, it’s often through vulnerability that we form deep, meaningful connections with others.

A few years back, I found myself holding back in social situations. I would keep conversations light and safe, not daring to delve into deeper topics or share my own struggles. But I soon realized that this was keeping me from forming the kind of connections I craved.

When I started allowing myself to be vulnerable, to share my fears and hopes, I found that people responded with empathy and openness. It was this vulnerability that allowed me to form deeper connections.

8) Dominating conversations

Conversation is a two-way street.

It’s about give and take, listening and speaking.

But sometimes, without even realizing it, we can end up dominating conversations.

This can leave the other person feeling unheard or unimportant. It can also come across as self-centered or uninterested in others’ experiences or thoughts.

The key is to find a balance. Show interest in what others have to say, ask questions, and share your own experiences or thoughts when it’s appropriate.

Remember, people love to feel heard and valued. And a good conversation is one of the best ways to make someone feel both.

9) Not being yourself

When all is said and done, nothing outshines the allure of authenticity. It radiates a warmth and sincerity that no mask or pretense can rival.

Authenticity holds a magnetic pull. It’s grounded, genuine, and reassuring. By staying true to yourself, you not only invite others to do the same but also create a space where honesty flourishes.

Thus, if there’s one habit worth bidding farewell to, it’s forsaking your true self. Embrace your idiosyncrasies, your fervors, your capabilities, and yes, even your vulnerabilities. They’re the threads that weave the intricate tapestry of your uniqueness—embracing them is embracing the essence of who you are.

Embrace the journey

Attracting people isn’t about playing a role or trying to be someone you’re not. It’s about embracing who you truly are and allowing others to see that.

It’s about letting go of habits that may be pushing people away, while adopting a mindset that values authenticity, empathy, and respect.

Remember, the aim isn’t to attract everyone. It’s about connecting with those who appreciate you for who you are. So rather than focusing on how many people you can attract, focus on the quality of connections you can make.

These changes may not happen overnight. They require self-awareness, patience, and practice. But they’re worth it.