Attracting a high-quality mate isn’t about putting on a facade or pretending to be someone you’re not.

It’s about being your authentic self, but also being aware of the subtle behaviors that can unknowingly push people away.

Seven sneaky habits might be standing in the way of you and your ideal partner. And as the creator of the Love Connection blog, I’ve seen it all.

It’s not always easy to recognize these behaviors in ourselves, but once we do, it’s like flicking on a switch. Suddenly, the path to attracting that high-quality mate becomes a whole lot clearer.

So, are you ready to say goodbye to these subtle behaviors and welcome love into your life? Let’s dive in.

1) Obsessing over perfection

When it comes to attracting a high-quality mate, many of us mistakenly believe that we need to be perfect. We fret over every small flaw, fearing that it will be a deal-breaker for our potential partner.

But here’s the truth – nobody is perfect. Not me, not you, not even those seemingly flawless celebrities we adore.

In fact, obsessing over perfection can actually push potential mates away. It creates an unattainable standard and sends out vibes of insecurity.

Instead of striving for perfection, focus on being the best version of yourself. Embrace your flaws as they make you unique and human.

Remember, a high-quality mate is looking for authenticity, not a photoshopped version of reality. So, say goodbye to the notion of perfection and hello to self-love and acceptance.

2) Over-emphasizing independence

In today’s society, we’re often told that independence is a virtue.

We’re encouraged to be self-sufficient, to not rely on others for our happiness. And while there’s certainly truth in this, it can be taken to an extreme.

Ironically, over-emphasizing independence can actually repel a potential high-quality mate. That’s because genuine relationships are about mutual dependence – about supporting each other through life’s ups and downs.

When you insist on taking care of everything yourself, it can send the message that you don’t need or want someone else in your life.

It can also prevent you from opening up and being vulnerable, which are key ingredients to intimacy.

After all, a relationship is a partnership, not a solo journey.

3) Ignoring your own needs

One thing I’ve found in my years of counseling and writing about relationships is that ignoring your own needs can be a major roadblock in attracting a high-quality mate.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of always putting others first, thinking that their happiness is more important than your own. But the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to fully invest in a healthy, loving relationship.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how codependency can lead to unhealthy patterns in relationships.

So take time for yourself. Practice self-care. Prioritize your own needs and feelings. A high-quality mate will respect and appreciate you more for it, and it’ll set the stage for a balanced, fulfilling relationship.

4) Neglecting personal growth

Personal growth is a lifelong journey.

But sometimes, we can get so comfortable in our routines that we stop challenging ourselves to learn and evolve. This can lead to stagnation, and it’s not attractive to a high-quality mate.

One of my favorite quotes is by Albert Einstein, who said, “Once you stop learning, you start dying.”

And I believe this applies to our love lives as well. Keeping an active mind and a curious spirit can make you more interesting, more dynamic, and more attractive to others.

Whether it’s picking up a new hobby, learning a new language, or simply reading a book on a topic you know nothing about – personal growth is key. 

5) Constant comparison

Comparison is a trap many of us fall into, especially in the age of social media where everyone’s highlight reel is on display.

But constant comparison can rob us of our joy and make us feel inadequate.

I recall a time when I used to compare my relationships to those I saw on social media. It seemed like everyone else was in a perfect relationship, while mine had its ups and downs. But over time, I learned that what we see online is rarely the full truth.

If you want to attract a high-quality mate, you need to step away from the comparison game. Instead, focus on your own journey, your own growth.

After all, every person, every relationship has its unique path. And your worth is not determined by someone else’s life highlight reel.

6) Holding on to past hurts

We’ve all been hurt in the past. But holding on to those hurts and allowing them to influence our future relationships can be a major barrier in attracting a high-quality mate.

I remember when I used to carry the baggage of my past relationships into the new ones. It wasn’t fair to me or my partner. It took some soul-searching and self-work to let go and start fresh.

As the great philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

It’s important to learn from our past, but it’s equally important not to let it define our present and future. So let go of past hurts. Forgive others, forgive yourself, and open your heart to love again.

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7) Fear of vulnerability

Vulnerability can be terrifying. We fear rejection, judgment, and getting hurt. So, we build walls to protect ourselves.

But these walls can also keep out love and connection.

I’ve been there, putting on a brave face, hiding my true emotions to avoid appearing weak.  But over time, I realized that vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness but a mark of courage. It takes strength to open up and show your true self, flaws and all.

A high-quality mate will appreciate your authenticity and courage to be vulnerable. So take a deep breath, let down your walls.

Yes, you might get hurt. But you might also find the love and connection you’ve always wanted.

Embracing vulnerability is perhaps one of the toughest things we need to do. But it’s also one of the most rewarding. So take the leap and open your heart; it’s worth it.

Final thoughts and future reflections

The journey of love is like a twisting path, full of unexpected bends and curves. And attracting a high-quality partner isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about fine-tuning those subtle behaviors that might block genuine connection.

Taking a good, hard look at yourself and making mindful adjustments can be a game-changer. It’s raw, it’s real, and yeah, it can be pretty uncomfortable. But trust me, the payoff is worth every ounce of discomfort.

As we near the end of this voyage of self-discovery, I urge you to keep diving deeper into the waters of self-awareness and personal growth. One gem I stumbled upon is a video by Justin Brown.

In it, he unpacks the intricacies of finding a life partner, drawing from his own experiences—including a date gone awry—and the wisdom he gleaned from it.

From the importance of shared values to the power of growth and mutual support in a relationship, he dishes out some top-notch insights to help you navigate the quest for a compatible partner.

The road to love is not a straight line, but every step forward is progress. Keep moving forward, keep growing, and most importantly, keep being you.