Walking the fine line between being liked and respected is a daily challenge for many of us.

Especially around women, it’s so easy to slip into people-pleaser mode, where we end up trading our real selves for a nod of approval.

From personal experience and my deep dive into mindfulness, I’ve noticed some behaviors that might win you points in the short run but actually chip away at the respect women might hold for you.

In this article, I’m going to lay out 8 classic people-pleasing habits that you really need to kick to the curb if you’re after genuine respect from women.

So, let’s get right into it!

1) Saying ‘yes’ to everything

Women, just like everyone else, admire authenticity. They value individuals who understand their boundaries and can assert them clearly.

While being a perpetual ‘yes man’ might seem accommodating initially, it eventually reveals itself as driven by the hunger for approval rather than genuine altruism or engagement. This can erode trust and respect from women.

Conversely, when you mindfully evaluate your commitments and learn to decline when necessary, it demonstrates self-respect and integrity.

Keep this in mind: it’s not about being selfish or unkind. It’s about recognizing and honoring your own limitations. Tackling this first people-pleasing behavior is crucial if you aim to earn respect from women.

2) Seeking validation constantly

This is a behavior I was no stranger to in my early years until mindfulness and Buddhism gave me a new perspective.

When you’re always seeking validation, it sends out a message that you lack confidence and self-assurance. This can undermine the respect women have for you.

Here’s the thing: women respect men who are comfortable in their own skin and don’t rely on constant validation. Embrace who you are, and the world, including the women around you, will too.

3) Avoiding confrontation at all costs

In an attempt to please everyone, we might squash our own needs and avoid difficult conversations.

We think this will keep the peace and make us more likable. But avoiding confrontation isn’t about peace; it’s about fear.

The truth is, when you constantly sidestep confrontation, it can lead to resentment, misunderstanding, and a lack of respect from others, including women.

On the other hand, addressing issues head-on – though uncomfortable – shows courage and integrity. It shows that you value your relationships enough to have difficult conversations.

4) Ignoring your own needs

Too often, in our efforts to please others, we neglect our own needs, thinking it makes us selfless or noble. But that’s not the case.

Ignoring your own needs can lead to burnout, bitterness, and ironically, a loss of respect from others. Women, especially, admire men who can take care of themselves because it shows strength and self-respect.

Keep in mind, self-care isn’t optional—it’s crucial. If you want women to respect you more, it’s time to stop neglecting your needs. Pay attention to how you feel, honor your needs, and don’t hesitate to prioritize yourself.

5) Over-apologizing

I, Lachlan Brown, had a habit of saying ‘sorry’ too often. It wasn’t because I was always at fault, but rather a reflexive response to avoid potential conflict or to appear polite.

But what I’ve learned, both through personal experience and while writing my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, is that over-apologizing can actually undermine your credibility and self-worth.

When you apologize unnecessarily, it can make you seem insecure and unsure of yourself. This can affect the way women perceive and respect you.

Of course, when you’ve made a mistake, a sincere apology is necessary. But saying ‘sorry’ as a default response? That’s a people-pleasing behavior you need to let go of.

So next time you’re about to say ‘sorry’, pause and think: did I actually do something wrong? Or am I just trying to avoid potential conflict or criticism?

6) Being overly self-deprecating

A little self-deprecation here and there can actually be pretty charming. It shows you’ve got a sense of humor and some humility. But when it becomes your go-to move all the time, it can really mess with how people see you.

Those who constantly put themselves down might think they’re being humble or easy to relate to, but truth is, they often just seem insecure and lacking in self-respect. And let’s be real, that’s not a great look if you’re trying to impress the ladies.

Respect? Well, it’s all about how we treat ourselves and talk about ourselves. So, if you want women to see you in a better light, it’s time to start showing yourself a little more respect. Trust me, they’ll notice.

7) Trying to fix everything

Many of us, especially men, have a tendency to jump into problem-solving mode whenever someone shares a difficulty with us. This might come from a genuine desire to help, but it can often come across as dismissive or controlling.

As the famous mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn once said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Not every situation calls for a solution. Sometimes, people – women included – just need someone to listen and empathize.

When you’re always trying to ‘fix’ things, it can imply that you think you know better. This can reduce respect from women who might perceive it as a lack of understanding or empathy.

8) Always putting others first

Here’s the deal: constantly putting others before yourself might seem like the noble thing to do, but it can actually backfire when it comes to earning respect, especially from women.

Imagine you’ve got a friend who’s always the go-to person whenever someone needs help. They’re constantly putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own, whether it’s staying late at work to cover for a colleague or dropping everything to lend a listening ear to a friend in need.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to have a friend like that. But over time, you start to notice something: they never take time for themselves and often brush off their own needs as if they don’t matter.

Sure, you admire their selflessness, but you also can’t help but wonder why they don’t value themselves enough to take a break or ask for help when they need it.

So, if you want women to see you in a different light, start by giving yourself a little more love and attention. Trust me, it makes a difference.

Building respect that lasts

In summary, earning respect from women isn’t about putting on a show or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s rooted in authenticity, integrity, and a genuine appreciation for both yourself and others.

By bidding farewell to these eight people-pleasing tendencies, you’re taking an important stride toward fostering real respect from women. It’s crucial to understand that this isn’t about trying to manipulate or dazzle others—it’s about staying faithful to who you truly are.

I delve deeper into such transformative practices in my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”. This guide aims to help you navigate life with greater authenticity and self-awareness.

Remember, change is a process. Be patient with yourself as you work on saying goodbye to these people-pleasing behaviors. The journey towards self-improvement is a marathon, not a sprint. But with patience and persistence, you’ll find the respect you deserve – from women and from yourself.