In the quest for better relationships, there’s a critical factor we often overlook. It’s not about doing more, but doing less.

Yes, you heard me right.

There are certain habits we unknowingly indulge in that drive people away, instead of drawing them closer.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this play out time and again and—trust me—if you want to deepen your connections and foster quality relationships in your life, it’s time to hit the brakes on these behaviors.

In this article, we’ll be delving into the 7 things you need to stop doing if you’re serious about enhancing the quality of your relationships.

These are simple, everyday actions that could be sabotaging your connections without you even realizing it.

So, are you ready to take the first step towards better relationships?

Let’s get started!

1) Playing the comparison game

Let’s face it, we all play the comparison game at times.

It’s human nature to look at others and gauge our own lives in relation.

But here’s the thing, when it comes to relationships, this habit can be utterly destructive.

Comparing your relationships with those of others often leads to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction.

This tends to breed resentment, both towards yourself and the individuals involved in your relationships.

Instead of appreciating what you have, you’re left constantly yearning for something different, something seemingly better—and that’s no way to nurture a healthy relationship.

No two relationships can ever be the same because no two individuals are the same.

Each connection is unique and deserves to be valued for its own merits.

So, it’s high time you stopped playing the comparison game.

Instead, focus on strengthening your bonds and appreciating them for what they truly are.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, sometimes it’s just different grass—and that’s perfectly okay!

2) Being overly independent

Independence is typically viewed as a virtue.

Self-reliance, autonomy, the ability to handle things on your own – these are traits we’re often encouraged to nurture.

But when it comes to relationships, being too independent can actually be a hindrance.

You see, relationships are built on interdependence, not independence.

This means leaning on each other, supporting each other, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

When you’re overly independent in a relationship, it can create an emotional distance, making your loved ones feel unnecessary or unvalued.

It can lead them to wonder, “Do they even need me?”

Now, this isn’t to say that you should become completely dependent on your partner or friends.

That’s not healthy either.

But what you should strive for is a balance—a space where both parties feel valued and needed, yet still maintain their individuality.

As counterintuitive as it may seem, if you want to improve your relationships, you might just need to let go of a bit of that independence and embrace the beauty of interdependence.

3) Holding onto grudges

Someone hurts us, betrays our trust, or does something that just rubs us the wrong way.

We’ve all been there.

Our first instinct is to hold onto that hurt, to let it fester into a grudge.

It feels like our right, our protection against future pain.

But, let me tell you from personal experience, holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

It harms you far more than it affects them.

In my journey to understand relationships better, I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook for their wrongdoings, but about freeing ourselves from the shackles of bitterness and resentment.

This is something I delve deeper into in my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”.

But in essence, if you want your relationships to thrive, learning to let go of past grievances is crucial.

Does it mean forgetting what happened? Absolutely not—but it does mean choosing peace over internal turmoil.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not them.

So take a deep breath, let it go and watch your relationships flourish.

4) Neglecting self-care

I know, I know—this might sound like a broken record, but we all know the importance of self-care, don’t we?

Yet, when life gets busy, it’s often the first thing we sacrifice.

It’s easy to get caught up in taking care of others, especially for those of us who are natural caregivers.

But in the process, we often forget to take care of ourselves.

However, there’s profound wisdom in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “You must do the things you think you cannot do.”

And sometimes, the thing you think you cannot do is taking time for yourself.

Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you certainly can’t sustain healthy relationships when you’re running on empty.

After all, when you’re at your best, you can give your best to those around you.

5) Avoiding conflict

Let’s face it, nobody loves conflict.

It’s uncomfortable, it’s awkward, it’s… well, it’s conflict.

For years, I would go out of my way to avoid it at all costs.

I thought that by avoiding disagreements, I was preserving my relationships.

But boy, was I wrong.

Over time, I realized that avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear.

In fact, it often allows minor issues to fester and grow into major problems.

Healthy relationships require open and honest communication, even when—especially when—it’s difficult.

It’s about addressing issues head-on and finding solutions together.

This doesn’t mean you have to start an argument at every turn.

But it does mean speaking up when something is important to you or when you feel hurt or disrespected.

Don’t shy away from conflict, my friend, see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

It might be challenging in the moment, but trust me, your relationships will be stronger for it in the long run.

6) Overlooking the small things

Over the years, I’ve learned a valuable lesson—it’s the little things that make a big difference in relationships.

The small acts of kindness, the tiny gestures of love, the brief ‘how are you?’ messages—they all add up to create a strong, healthy bond.

As Mother Teresa beautifully said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

We often get caught up in grand gestures and big moments, forgetting that relationships are built day by day, moment by moment.

A simple compliment, a quick check-in, or even just a smile can make a world of difference.

So, don’t overlook the small things—cherish them, cultivate them, and watch your relationships grow stronger every day.

And hey, if you’re enjoying these insights and want more content like this delivered straight to your feed, do follow me on Facebook. I regularly share articles and tips on building better relationships!

7) Hiding your feelings

We all have moments when we’re hurt, upset, or frustrated and, in those moments, it’s tempting to swallow our feelings and put on a brave face.

News flash—this isn’t healthy for you or your relationships.

Bottling up emotions is like shaking a soda can.

Sooner or later, the pressure builds up and it explodes, often causing a bigger mess than if we had just opened up in the first place.

The people who truly care about you want to know what you’re feeling, even when it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

They want to support you, comfort you, and help you navigate through the storm.

So let yourself be seen, let yourself be heard.

Be honest about your feelings, even when it’s hard—it might feel vulnerable, but it’s also incredibly freeing.

Plus, it paves the way for deeper and more authentic connections.

Trust me on this one—your relationships are worth that leap of faith.

A final note

As we wrap up, it’s essential to remember that relationships are not a one-size-fits-all scenario.

They’re complex, dynamic, and deeply personal.

The journey to cultivating better quality relationships begins with self-awareness and continues through consistent effort and genuine communication.

Just keep in mind that it’s not about perfection but progress. It’s about acknowledging our mistakes, learning from them, and making a conscious effort to do better. 

And if you’re looking for a deeper exploration of some of the concepts we’ve discussed here, I encourage you to watch this insightful video by Justin Brown.

It provides a thoughtful perspective on the complexities of finding a life partner, touching on important aspects like shared values and mutual growth.

Every step you take towards improving your relationships is a step towards a happier, more fulfilling life.

And, as always, I’m here to support you on this journey.